


Sick

by Jellyneau



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Dark, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-09-02 10:12:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 54,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8663539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jellyneau/pseuds/Jellyneau
Summary: The Doctor is floored by a devastating illness, but Rose is the one who’s suffering.





	1. Bloody Flarlas

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, friends. This is a psychological dark fic that will not be for the faint of heart. Mind the warnings. 
> 
> For those who care about this sort of thing - one of my headcanons rules here (I don’t know if you can legally have more than one, but I do!). The end of Doomsday never happened and Rose never fell through to the alternate universe and ended up staying with the Doctor. 
> 
> The idea for this fic was born from another David Tennant series I was thoroughly obsessed with. There has been lots of chat on Tumblr about the plotline I'm wading into here. I promise to treat it with respect. If you are concerned you'll be offended, message me on Tumblr (Jellyneau-xo) and we can chat. If it's not your cup of tea, it won't hurt my feelings. :D
> 
> Now... if you've decided to join my in this adventure... allons-y! :D

  
[ ](http://s1057.photobucket.com/user/Jellyneau/media/Fic%20cover%20pics/Sick_zpsxwvn3dkf.jpg.html)

### 

The Doctor sniffled and wiped the tear forming at the corner of his eye. The light in the room was dim and he was thankful. He’d asked the TARDIS to lower the luminescence earlier in order to decrease the visual stimulation that was adding to the cacophony of sensory induced pain signals currently overloading his brain. In short… his head bloody ached. Worse than he’d experienced in a very long while. Certainly since he’d been in this body, anyway.

A soft knock issued at his door. Unable to give more than a muffled grunt in response, he wasn’t surprised the knock was repeated. 

“Doctor?” It was Rose. 

Slightly irritated, he swallowed thickly past the sharp cutting sensation in his throat to reply, “Unnngh”. Not quite the eloquent prose he usually produced, but right now his body wasn’t willing to come up with anything more substantial.

The door snicked open and a beam of light penetrated the mellow of the room. “Doctor? You okay? I thought you’d be up by now,” Rose said, standing in the doorway. 

“Ungh,” was all the Doctor could dredge up, unable to even open his available eye to enjoy the vision that was his blonde companion. Not a site he ever turned away from normally. Sought it out, usually, in fact. But right now, the back of his eyelids were the only vision he was interested in treating himself with. Anything more would involve aching and probably pain at some level or other. “I think I’m dying,” he said thickly, his stuffed nose making his voice sound small and muted. 

“What?! What’s wrong?” Rose said, her voice rising in worry. Moving to him quickly, she ran her cool hand along his forehead. “Wow… you’re really warm,” she informed him. “For you, that is.” 

Unusually, her comment thoroughly irritated him. Did she have a problem with his normal temperature? She’d never complained about it before. 

“Okay, Doctor… I’m properly worried. Are you really, seriously ill? I mean… should we try and land somewhere I can get you help? Maybe… I don’t know… how about New New York?”

The Doctor rolled over, about to grump back about how such a place wouldn’t be equipped to deal with his superior biology, when he took in the worried expression on her face. It really was a beautiful face. “No, Rose. I’m not _really_ dying,” he said instead, trying to sound less ornery than he felt, “I just _feel_ like I am.” Gods he felt awful.

“TARDIS, can you turn up the lights near me a bit?” Rose asked, looking up at nothing in particular. The TARDIS helpfully placed a spotlight directly over them, possibly knowing what Rose was up to. “Thanks,” she said warmly to the room. Looking back down at the Doctor, she directed, “Say ‘Ahhh’.”

“Ahhhhhhhh,” he gravelled.

Taking a good look inside his mouth, she said, “Open wider and say it again.”

Oh, for… again? “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh,” he croaked. 

“Wow,” Rose said, eyebrows raised. “Those are some… are those tonsils? Do Time Lords have tonsils?”

“Of course we don’t have tonsils, Rose,” he admonished in a rusty voice. “Useless bags of evolutionary waste that humans hadn’t yet evolved to get rid of in your time. Time Lords have flarlas. Completely different purpose, but in the same place as human tonsils,” he lectured, quite aware that he sounded a lot more like his last self than his current, more patient, incarnation.

Rose rolled her eyes, probably at his little dig on human biology, and continued, “Well, then, your… flarlas… are HUGE. And red. Very red, actually. Little white bumps on 'em, as well. Can flarlas get infected?” she asked.

The Doctor swallowed and was once again treated to a throat full of glass shards. The grimace on his face must’ve been all the answer Rose needed.

“I’m assuming that means ‘yes’. Well, then, Mr. Amazing Biology… it looks like you’ve got something like strep… flarlas.” The Doctor groaned and burrowed himself further into his pillow. 

“Well… it looks like that trip to the Blyth nebula will have to wait, then, eh? I think it’s ‘Dote on the Doctor Day’ instead,” Rose said, pulling the blankets further up to cover him to just under his chin and tucking them tightly around him. As much as he sort of wanted to protest at being treated like an invalid child, a bigger part of him couldn’t help but deeply enjoy the attention and appreciate the offer of dotage. 

“I’m going to get some water with some ice for you. Do you have anything in the infirmary that would help the pain?” Rose asked, concern filling her voice.

Keeping his eyes closed, he answered, “There are some bright blue tablets in the cupboard above the sink in the infirmary. Might help. Ta,” he said sluggishly. Just then, he sneezed loudly, shocking himself and Rose equally. Blimey… he hadn’t actually properly sneezed in… well, over a century. He didn’t like it. 

“I’ll be back in a tick, alright?” Rose said, patting his back through the blanket. He merely nodded, regretting the movement instantly. He’d told Rose he wasn’t dying, but it sure bloody felt like he was. 

 

OoOoOoOoOoO

 

Rose wound her way through the corridors to the infirmary, her heart breaking a bit for the man she’d left sniffling and moaning in his room. She hated seeing her mighty Time Lord reduced to a snivelling mess like this. It reminded her of the very nasty bug she’d been bowled over by a month ago when she managed to catch the flu while visiting her Mum. 

The Doctor had wanted to bring her to the infirmary where he could keep an eye on her, but Jackie had insisted on caring for her at the flat. At the time Rose could’ve cared less _who_ took care of her. All she could focus on was the fact that only one nostril was functional, that her brains felt like they were oozing out of her skull, and that nausea was her constant companion. In the end, the Doctor had seemingly understood her mother’s need to dote on her only daughter, and wisely stayed out of the way during nurse Jackie’s watch. It was a full four days before she was well enough to travel again. 

The trip to the infirmary was much faster than she’d expected, which once again made her thankful for living in the sentient ship. The TARDIS had obviously moved the medbay closer in an effort to help her Time Lord. Rose patted the coral wall beside the infirmary. “Thanks, old girl,” she said appreciatively before opening the door.

The bright blue pills the Doctor had mentioned were right where he’d said they’d be. Pulling them down from the cupboard above the sink, she studied the bottle for a moment. Circular Gallifreyan symbols adorned the outside of the small container. For a moment she stared at them trying to get them to translate, but, as usual, they didn’t, and for the hundredth time she wondered why the TARDIS wouldn’t translate his native language. Surely it would be handy for his travelling companions to be able to read things like this. 

Then a thought occurred to her. Looking up into the air she cleared her throat. “Um… hello TARDIS,” she said awkwardly. It felt so odd talking to the walls. “I, uh… I was wondering if you could tell me, or, um, show me somehow what’s wrong with the Doctor? I just want to make sure it’s nothing serious,” she finished.

In moments a calming wave poured through her mind. She sighed in contentment. Alright… the ship was saying it wasn’t anything serious. That was good. It would be nice to know something about his illness, though. “Thank-you… but… can you tell me more about what’s making him sick? Is there something I can do to help him?” she asked aloud. 

Silence reigned. It seemed the ship didn’t have a way to elaborate an answer for her. She’d occasionally thanked or greeted the ship aloud but had never tried actually asking her anything. Maybe it didn’t work like that.

She was about to leave the infirmary when a screen mounted on the wall by the entrance lit up. Moving to it, she was thrilled to find it’s contents written in English… or at least translated to. The posted passage looked like it had been taken from some sort of textbook. 

_Flarlitis_   
_Flarlitis is an illness caused by the gravinill virus. This virus is a common pathogen present on many tri-sunned planets in the Gwarth System._

The Gwarth System. She repeated the name in her mind a couple of times. They’d been there recently, she was sure of it… which planet had it been again? Oh yeah - Gikka. Memories of the extremely warm planet swam back to her. It had been a short visit made especially to sample their pupperlate tea which the Doctor had heard of but never actually tried. Bet he wished he’d stuck to Earl Grey now, she mused.

_Most multicelled organisms are immune to this particular virus, but Time Lords and other telepathic species are not immune due to the unique molecular structure of the pathogen._

Rose found herself smirking a bit despite feeling badly for the man moaning in the other room. It was nice to have at least _one_ biological advantage over the Time Lord’s almighty superior biology. 

_Signs and Symptoms:_   
_Sore throat_  
_Enlarged, inflamed flarlas_  
_Headache_  
_Fever (37 degrees celcius or higher is not uncommon)_  
_Weakness_  
_Irritability and/or mood swings_

_Treatment : Next screen_

The passage ended there, so Rose quickly reached out to scroll the image up.

_Treatment:_   
_Unlike most viruses, there is no known cure for the gravinill virus._

Well, wasn’t that just _wizard_.

_The affected Time Lord should make sure to get adequate rest and fluids. Byproximine ciniminate may help ease the symptoms of fever and headache. Gargling with vicinium often alleviates the pain caused by the swollen flarlas._

Fantastic. Poor Doctor.

Just then, the ship jolted violently, throwing her against the doorframe of the infirmary. A shriek of surprise escaped her as she fell to the ground. She was just climbing to her feet when a decidedly green looking Doctor appeared beside her, panting, clearly having run from his bedroom. “Rose, you alright?” he asked helping her up.

Just then another jolt hit and this time it sent them both flying against the coral wall opposite the infirmary. Rose found herself practically on top of the Doctor as the ship shuddered and sparked. 

“Hang on!” the Doctor yelled above the shaking and rumbling of the ship around them. Rose did just that, hugging herself close to his chest as they bumped about on the floor. 

Finally, the movement ceased and only the odd spark could be seen and heard. “What’s going on?” Rose asked, letting the Doctor go to sit up beside him.

“Let’s find out,” he said, jumping up and holding out his hand for Rose to take. Accepting his help, she let herself be yanked to her feet and then took off at a sprint behind her jimjam clad Doctor.

Rounding the corner into the console room, the Doctor darted to the screen to check out the readings. “What?!” he exclaimed, looking worriedly at the figures presented to him. 

“What, Doctor? What is it?” Rose asked, hating that she couldn’t just look at the readings herself and make sense of them. As much as she loved hearing him explain things, sometimes she wished she didn’t have to wait for him to acknowledge her lack of understanding of whatever circumstances they were in.

“We’ve landed. Or more like… we’ve been pulled in and grounded,” the Doctor said seriously, his eyes never leaving the circular scrolling words playing before him.

“Grounded? Like… we’ve been abducted? Just plucked out of the vortex?” Rose said, incredulous. “What could do that?”

“How should I know?” the Doctor said crankily before turning to make his way to the doors. Before actually getting anywhere, though, he stopped and leaned heavily against the banister. 

“Doctor… you’re not up for this,” Rose observed, taking in the decidedly gray pallor of his skin. “Why don’t you let me go have a look around, yeah? If I find anything worth investigating I’ll come get you,” she offered, knowing already what he’d say.

“No… I’ll be fine. Just… a bit tired is all,” he obviously lied. 

“Yeeeaaah. Okay,” she said skeptically, her eyebrows raised. 

“I’m fine, Rose!” he practically barked, attempting to look unruffled by his obvious illness. 

Rose felt anger rise in her, colouring her cheeks. “Look, Doctor,” she said, moving to stand directly in front of him, arms crossed. “You’re sick. I’m just worried, okay?” she admonished. 

Part of him deflated with the comment. “I’m sorry, Rose,” he said, pulling his hand up to tent his fingers over his eyes while the other braced him against the railing. “This… this whatever-I’ve-got is making me cranky. I apologize,” he said.

Rose felt her ire abate, now recalling what she’d read about his illness. “Oh. Well… alright. I’m just tryin’ to help, yeah?” she said, softening her tone. The poor bloke couldn’t help it after all. 

“Yeah. I’m sorry,” he said, laying a gentle hand on her arm in apology. 

“‘S alright,” she accepted. “But I think you should really be back in bed, yeah? I mean… you’re barely standin’ up,” she suggested gently.

Nodding, he agreed, “Yeah… and I will. I just have to make sure the TARDIS is safe here, though. Not sure what would have the power to ground her and I really have to check it out. You might not recognize the cause even if you see it,” he explained, reasonably.

Reluctantly, Rose agreed. She’d seen her fair share of threats, but she certainly wasn’t an expert. As much as she felt he shouldn’t be up and about, there could well be a significant threat to them and the ship just outside those doors that she might not even recognize. Unfortunately, he really had to be there to make sure she wasn’t missing something obvious.

“Now let’s see what’s gotten into my ship,” he said, moving a bit unsteadily down the ramp.

Rose sighed and followed him, ready to catch him if he lost his balance.

The Doctor was just reaching to push the door open when they heard a tap. Three to be exact. 

“Wha-” Rose started before the Doctor held his hand up, requesting silence. 

_Tap, tap, tap._

Was someone knocking on the TARDIS door? The Doctor turned, smiling widely down at her, despite his illness. “I think we have a welcoming committee!” he grinned. Despite the fact that it was likely not a _good_ sort of welcoming committee, Rose couldn’t help but let his excitement permeate her worry. God, she loved this!

**_Tap, tap, tap._**

The sound was more insistent this time. “Hello?” a small voice floated through the doors.

A child. It was a child. “Doctor…”

But she needn’t have bothered beginning to encourage him to open the doors, because the moment he realized it was a child outside he’d flung the door open.

Unable to see past him, she heard him exclaim in a raspy voice, “Oh, hello!”

Pushing around him a bit to see, she found herself looking into the biggest brown eyes she’d ever seen on a humanoid. The little...boy?... was small and slightly furry. In his hands he gripped a soft looking toy of some kind. In earth years he looked to be maybe five or six, but who knew how old he was in… whatever he was years.

“You guys okay?” the boy asked, clearly concerned. 

Moving forward so she could kneel and be face to face with this little person, Rose smiled. “Yeah, we’re okay,” she confirmed. Looking past him for an accompanying parent, she found none. They had apparently landed in a field a short distance away from a small house. The light of two moons glowed brightly above them, illuminating the small child’s hairy little face and the landscape around them.

Focusing back on the small creature before her, she said, “I’m Rose. What’s your name?"

“I’m Parm,” he answered matter-of-factly. The boy’s eyebrows furrowed. "It’s my bedtime,” he shared, looking up at the Doctor.

“Oh,” the Doctor responded, obviously unsure how to respond to that. 

A smile now formed on Rose’s lips. This little imp was adorable. “How come you’re not in bed then?"

“I was, but then I saw your box on the plants. Daddy doesn’t like it when off-worlders land in the plants. You should go or he’s gonna be mad,” the boy warned. 

“Right… well, we’d like to,” the Doctor shared, kneeling down to the boys level as well, “but, well… my ship is sort of… stuck. Parm… is your Mom or Dad around? Maybe we should talk to one of them,” the Doctor suggested, tugging his ear.

“Um… I guess,” he said, reaching up and taking both their hands. “Come on.” The Doctor took the boy’s hand and Rose did the same, letting him lead them toward the house in the distance.

The little boy’s small hand was slightly prickly, but warm in hers as he pulled her and the Doctor along, making her once again marvel at the differences between all the species she’d come across on their travels. It was especially the small variations between humanoids that intrigued her. What would the evolutionary purpose of prickly skin be? Was it sort of like bugs having sticky feet to help them climb walls? Maybe this texture somehow helped these people grip things better when doing important everyday activities here? Maybe the slightly pointed follicles helped access a specific variety of food on this planet?

Still mulling over the evolutionary implications of such a trait, Rose found herself arriving at the front steps of the house. The boy encouraged her and the Doctor up the stairs and stepped up to the front door, pulling his hands from hers and the Doctor’s to reach for the handle. A distinct stinging feeling played on her palm and fingers when he did so, making her hiss in a little surprised breath. In moments sort of… wobbly dizziness passed over her only to quickly dissipate.

Obviously having heard her, the boy looked up guiltily as she studied her offended appendage. “Oops. Sorry. Mommy says off-worlders are a soft lot. I forgot,” he said, looking between them apologetically. 

Feeling slightly alarmed about the odd feeling, she darted a quick look over at the Doctor. She found him nursing a sore hand as well, but he smiled reassuringly at the child nonetheless. “No worries, Parm. I guess we are a bit soft,” he agreed, his voice cracking. “Not your fault,” the Doctor continued as Rose absently wiped her still stinging palm of her hand on her jeans. He definitely sounded fatigued now, and it didn’t surprise her. They hadn’t had to walk far to the house, but the Doctor was clearly more ill than he was letting on at the moment.

“Mummy!” the boy cried as he threw open the door. “Some off-worlders landed in the plants, but they’re sorry!” he shouted. 

Rose cringed. Not the best introduction. 

“What?!” a woman’s voice called, followed by urgent footsteps. Around the corner, a rather short, stout, prickly skinned women emerged, her eyes as large and round as her son’s. 

“Oh my,” the woman said, her hand flying to her mouth.

“Um… yeah. We’re really sorry ‘bout landing in your field,” Rose immediately apologized. “We didn’t mean to,” she explained. 

“Parm… get in here,” the woman said, pulling her son into the house and behind her. 

Feeling the unmistakable waves of mistrust and apprehension rolling off of the woman before her she tried to appear as non-threatening as possible. Beside her, the Doctor chimed in, “Yeah… sorry about that. We can compensate you for the plants we’ve damaged,” he offered, obviously making an effort to look as contrite as possible.

“How _dare_ you bring your filthiness onto our land! On Grulamont of all times!” the furry woman huffed indignantly. “Drob!” she shouted, looking back into the house before slamming the door in their faces. Blinking at the intense reaction, Rose stood beside the Doctor at the door for a moment staring at it. Behind it she heard the woman reprimand the boy who’d been such a gentleman to her. “Parm, what were you thinking?! Off-worlders are vermin! They have _germs_! DROB!” she shouted again behind the closed door. 

Well _that_ was unexpected. Vermin?! Grula- what? Rose looked to the Doctor fully expecting him to look as confused as she was. Instead, though, he was lightly slapping himself on the forehead. “Grulamont! I should’ve guessed!” the Doctor exclaimed.

“Wha-” Rose started before the Doctor turned and grasped her shoulders in excitement.

“I should’ve guessed, Rose! We’re in the Moxu System… the Tubol is used to summon the Gods of the Land for the coming harvest!” he said hoarsely, as if that explained everything.

Knowing her face must be completely betraying her confusion, Rose stood staring at the Doctor’s beaming face as it fell. “The Tubol… it _summons_ , Rose. That’s why the TARDIS landed. She read the Tubol signal as a call for help, so she landed. Always takes us where we’re needed, she does,” he said affectionately, turning to look in the direction of his ship. “Unfortunately… or rather, _fortunately_ , we’re not really needed this time,” he smiled. “They’re looking for their Gods, not us.”

A swell of relief played through Rose’s veins with his pronouncement and she took a large breath. So they weren’t in grave danger then. The TARDIS had merely thought someone needed help. “So we can go then?” she asked.

“Yup,” he said, reaching his hand out for hers. 

Taking it, they turned to walk away from the deceptively cozy looking home. “Doctor - when that little boy let go of my hand, I felt… woozy for a minute. Did you?” she asked.

Just then the door to the home banged open behind them and a larger version of the two other inhabitants emerged, teeth bared. This must be Drob. Before either of them could speak, the male ran and threw himself at the Doctor, wrapping both hands tightly around his neck. 

“DOCTOR!” Rose shouted, about to jump at the man when he suddenly let the Doctor go. The Doctor’s hands immediately flew to his neck. 

“Are you barmy?!” Rose shouted at the man, who’d now backed off. Turning urgently to the Doctor she searched his face. “Doctor! Are you alright?” she asked, searching him for damage. He definitely looked disoriented.

“Get up, go back to your ship, and leave this planet. Don’t come back!” the prickly male said, his voice insistent and commanding.

Immediately, the Doctor climbed to his feet and turned to walk off without so much as a look back. For a moment Rose stood stunned before turning on the prickly man. “We were only trying to find out why we’d landed. You didn’t need to choke him!” Rose admonished him. 

“You’d better go before he leaves without you,” the man replied before retreating back into his house. The door slammed closed.

Anger welled in her. It wasn’t like they’d tried to hurt anyone, she huffed, still staring at the door. Just then she saw a curtain move in the window closest to her. It was Parm. He looked worried. His little finger came up and pointed in the direction of the TARDIS. 

Turning her head, she saw the Doctor walking in the distance, already halfway there. Blimey he was walking fast for a sick bloke. 

Nodding her head to the little boy in thanks, she turned and took off at a run toward the Doctor. Calling for him to slow, she found he didn’t. Putting on more speed, she called again. He continued walking resolutely forward. Finally catching up, she found she had to jog alongside him just to keep up with him. “Doctor, what happened back there? Are you alright?” she said, slightly breathless. 

“We have to leave this planet, Rose. I… I don’t feel well,” he admitted. She could already see that. His pallor was decidedly pale, sweat beaded on his brow and his eyes were sunken. The poor bloke already felt like rubbish and then was nearly choked to death. 

Reaching out without slowing, he held his hand out for her to take. Looking down, she smiled and placed her smaller hand in his. His skin was really warm, yet another sign that he truly was doing poorly. “Well, let’s get you back to the TARDIS then and back in bed, yeah?”

“Mmm,” the Doctor hummed in reluctant agreement. “I suppose,” he groaned. “Bloody flarlas.”


	2. Touchy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things start to get back to normal for the Doctor and Rose. Or do they?

### 

The flarla problem continued on for days longer, with the Doctor moaning and in a great deal of pain. She’d tried to talk him into going back to the infirmary to see if there was anything else the TARDIS could do, but he crankily refused. In some ways, Rose wondered if he was a bit like a human male… a bit dramatic when it came to dealing with relatively minor aches and pains but stoic when a limb is nearly torn off. Her mum had always claimed that men turned into little boys when they were poorly… wanting to be babied and whinging when the attention wasn’t as intense as they figured they deserved. ‘Try havin’ a baby,’ she’d always said. ‘Once you’ve squeezed a human bein’ through your private parts, then come cryin’ to me about pain!’ 

Rose smiled with the memory. As much as her mum went on about how soft men were, that had never stopped her from mothering the crap out of Mickey when he was sick, even when he was a grown man. 

Oh well. A sick Doctor at least allowed her to see him in his jimjams an awful lot, which she was ashamed to admit, was a tantalizing sight. Granted, she’d seen him in Howard’s jimjams just after he regenerated, but these were his _own_ pjs. Better fitting and somehow more… Doctor-y. Then, of course, there was the fact that he might not be wearing pants under the thin jammie trousers. That made them the most sexy item of clothing ever designed, and sometimes when the fever made him overheated he’d throw his robe off and lay about in a plain white tee. It was… 

_‘...wrong,’_ the little angel on her shoulder reminded her. She really shouldn’t be thinking about him this way when he was trusting her to care for him. She shouldn’t be thinking this way _at all_ , she reminded herself. The Doctor may have _danced_ at some time in his long life, but he clearly didn’t dance with _her_. He’d made that abundantly clear when he’s all but left her for Madame de Pompadour. 

Thoughts of that traumatic time in her life rose to once again nearly strangle her with grief. She’d been trying to put the thoughts of Reinette and the Doctor’s clear infatuation of her behind her and had been trying to move on with her life, but wasn’t easy. She’d truly thought…

Well, it didn’t matter now, did it? Anything more with the Doctor wasn’t a possibility and she just had to get used to that fact. No point dwelling on it. He was a friend. That’s all. Her best mate. And that was okay. It had to be. 

Besides, it had been slightly easier to accept the idea that he would never want to take their relationship further in the last couple of days, ‘cause he’d been the king of mood swings since he’d gotten sick, and that was putting it mildly. He’d be downright cranky with her one minute, only to lay on the sugar the next. Of course, she knew it really wasn’t his fault. No one was at their best when feeling poorly, anyway, and apparently this virus did a number on a Time Lord’s emotional stability. Still, she’d never known _her_ Time Lord to be so volatile. At least not _this_ version of him. 

In some ways, now that she thought of it, he was actually acting more like an extreme version of his last self. Quick to verbally lash out one minute but sweet as pie the next. Well hopefully he’d be feeling a bit better today and not so ornery, she mused. She had to admit that despite knowing he couldn’t help it, his whiplash moods and increasing nastiness were picking at her nerves. 

Making her way to the kitchen to gather up something for him to eat before she checked on him this morning, she thought she actually heard talking from up ahead. What? Was he out of bed? 

Quickly moving to the console room, she found the Doctor closely examining one of the monitors, apparently arguing with it. “I didn’t _say_ that. Do you think I’m daft?” 

Whatever the TARDIS was telling him, he was clearly rather unhappy about. “Hey,” she interrupted. “What are you doin’ up?” she asked, taking in his completely clothed form. He was decked out in his usual pinstripes, apparently ready for the day.

Seemingly surprised by her appearance he jumped a bit before answering, “Blimey, Rose! You scared the bloody hell out of me! And what? I’m not allowed up now?” he said, a bit put out.

“No - of course you are. I just meant… you seem to be feelin’ better, that’s all. I’m glad,” she hastily explained, feeling a bit irritated at having been barked at.

“Oh. Well, yeah - I’m much better,” he agreed, a true smile quickly replacing his annoyed expression. “Tippity-top,” he emphasized, darting around the side of the console to grab up a mallet and strike a flashing button. 

“Really?” Rose asked suspiciously, her eyes narrowed. “You were still sick as a dog yesterday. What happened?” she asked moving in a bit closer to get a better look at him. 

Looking up from the dial he was now adjusting he shrugged. “My superior Time Lord biology finally won out, I suspect,” he said. Rose studied his face. He definitely looked better. He had more colour in his skin and his complexion was back to normal. His eyes, though… he still looked a bit… hazy. “Not surprised, really,” he continued. “Not much can best my immune system,” he preened. 

“Yeah, well, it sure had a good go at it,” Rose replied ruefully, still studying him. “But shouldn’t you still be restin’? We should probably take it easy for another day, at least. You still seem a bit… off,” she said a bit tentatively, knowing such a comment was inviting more crankiness.

“Naaaah,” he disagreed lightly, surprising her with the almost good-natured reply. “I’ve had enough rest now to last for a few years, I imagine. I’m tired of resting. Time to move on, don’t you think?” he asked, his eyes now entreating. Then he darted a look up at the ceiling and a large smile formed on his handsome face. “That’s right! Allons-y!” he said, throwing Rose a wink before throwing his ship into flight with a flourishing flip of a switch. The TARDIS must’ve answered him.

The rotor began it’s grinding movement and the ship jumped with the sudden activation. Rose smiled, quickly grabbing for the edge of the console to avoid toppling over. As much as she was pretty sure the Doctor wasn’t truly 100% she had to admit she wasn’t upset they were on the move again. It was quite unlike them to be stationary for long, and this last week had felt like a long one, with the Doctor crankily murmuring to himself and moping about and her stuck moving between caring for him and hanging out in the media room while he slept. 

“So where are we goin’?” Rose asked over the pulsing of the rotor. 

“Oh, I don’t know. I was thinking maybe the Wowan System? Lots of interesting life forms there. I once had tea with the Quing of Wowan 3. Very salty,” he said, smacking his tongue on his palate in memory. “The tea, that is. Not the Quing,” he said, giving her a saucy wink.

“The _Quing_?” Rose smiled.

“It’s the best the TARDIS can translate what their monarchy would be called to a human. It’s a genderless species, so the attempt at translation is a smushing of ‘Queen’ with ‘King’. ‘Quing’.”

“Right. Quing. So… the Quing… did you and, er… it… leave on good terms?” she asked, knowing the likelihood was pretty much a 50/50 chance. 

“Yup. Even made me a knight,” he preened. 

“Well, then… let’s go there,” she grinned, excited by the prospect of meeting royalty. 

The Doctor’s smile broadened. “Your wish, my command!” he agreed, moving around the console to set the coordinates. 

Rose could feel her body almost hum with excitement. Despite the niggle of disquiet about his health at the back of her mind, she couldn’t help but cherish the thrill she felt when the TARDIS took off for somewhere new. This never got old… traveling with him. And where they’d end up was really anyone’s guess, despite his best intentions, which in all honesty, made it that much more exciting.

 

OoOoOoOoO

 

“Welcome to Castle Morr, Rose,” the Doctor said, surveying the building before them with appreciation. They’d landed in a courtyard just outside what looked like a sleek, modern office building. It was very clear that they definitely were not on earth, however, as the grass was a mustard yellow and the trees held breathtakingly beautiful flowers rather than leaves. 

“It was built on early 21st century architectural specs found in the computer of a wayward human satellite,” the Doctor elaborated. “The Wowan people thought it must’ve been designed as some sort of tribute to the gods of the people who’d build the unusual spacecraft, so they duplicated it as best they could with the materials here. You’ve gotta admit they did a bang up job,” he hummed. 

Rose gazed up at the mutli-story building. It _was_ an impressive high-rise, but it hardly seemed… royal. Still, if these people liked human architecture, this wasn’t the worst example. They could’ve found the building plans for the Powell Estates instead. Now that would’ve been a shame.

“The information contained in that satellite ended up influencing more than just the architecture here as well. Their food presentation, celebrations and even fashion were all affected by their fascination with humans of that century,” he shared. 

Looking down at the dress the TARDIS had picked for her, she considered that. It was an attractive floor length bronze gown with a crisscrossed bodice and low cut back. She wondered if this was what everyone would be wearing on earth in a hundred years from now. Or, er… from when she left. 

“Come on,” the Doctor said with a wide grin, reaching for her hand. Gladly accepting it, they strode forward toward the front doors of the ‘castle’. 

“CEASE YOUR MOVEMENT!” a voice boomed from a loudspeaker somewhere on the building ahead of them. 

Immediately doing as they were told, Rose moved her hands into the customary ‘surrender’ pose before she even realized she was doing it. 

“It’s alright. It’s the Doctor. Sir Doctor, knighted by Quing Prill,” he elaborated with confidence and a continued wide smile, his hands still by his sides.

“Quing Prill?” the voice said, sounding incredulous. 

“Um… yes?” the Doctor said, now apparently unsure what he’d said was a good thing to disclose.

After a moment of silence, the voice bellowed, “Enter.”

Standing straighter, the Doctor tossed Rose a bright smile. “See? It’s fine!!” he said, taking one of Rose’s hands.

“Alright,” she said, slightly dubious. She’d heard that before.

 

OoOoOoOoO

 

Rose sat at the banquet table beside the Doctor, listening intently as Quing Prill’s great grandchild spoke. He… she… ummm… Rose sighed inwardly. Humans needed more pronouns. _It_ just didn’t seem to be an appropriate word somehow. She resolved to ask the Doctor what pronouns this species used to talk about themselves. Maybe she’d be able to say it in their language. 

Anyway, it was a tall humanoid with pale blue skin. It wore a stunning white dress with a full length slim cut skirt that sported a split up one side that approached it’s hip. Despite the femininity of the outfit, it was definitely more male looking than female to her eyes with its muscular arms, prominent adam’s apple and square jaw. All in all it was very attractive, and as she studied the self assured, jewelry adorned alien, she had to admit that she could see where having no defining gender could be a good thing in a society. Wear what you like, express yourself how you like… it would eliminate ridiculous stereotypes and would certainly even the playing field. She wondered then if they had their own sort of stereotypes that weren’t gender based. Like - if you were blue-er skinned than the next bloke you were somehow better or something. 

“Do you remember that, Rose?” the Doctor said, shaking her from her thoughts. Oops. 

“Er… sorry, what?” she asked, feeling a bit sheepish for having gone off in her own little world for a moment. 

The Doctor took a deep breath. “I was talking about the Trukla people of Saepo. Remember? Their architecture was inspired by earth designs as well,” he said, sounding a trifle impatient. 

“Oh, yeah. I remember,” she said, feeling guilty. She hoped she hadn’t just insulted the Quing irreparably or something by getting caught daydreaming. From the Doctor’s reaction she thought maybe she had. 

Darting a look in the Quing’s direction, she watched it for any sign she’d hurt its feelings. 

“Your planet’s designs are legendary,” the Quing said, apparently unfazed. Pulling a bite of the pungent brown stew up to its lips, it smiled at her and Rose felt her shoulders descend a bit from their tensed position. Whew.

“Yes, well, there were a few impressive buildings there in my time. Some of it was a bit rubbish, but mostly I think humans have some good ideas,” she agreed. 

The Quing laughed at that. It was a throaty, happy sound that made Rose smile. “I daresay some of our architecture is...how did you say it?... ‘Rubbish’ as well,” it replied.

The Doctor shifted in the seat beside her and she looked over to find him a bit agitated. “Rose didn’t mean to imply your architecture wasn’t grand,” he apologized, giving Rose a decidedly impatient glare. 

The Quing’s gaze moved to the Time Lord and it looked slightly confused before saying, “Of course, Doctor. I did not take her words as a slight.” 

“Well, I hope not. Your planet is spectacular,” he said. “I wouldn’t want you to think we don’t appreciate your incredible culture. Sometimes Rose doesn’t realize the intricacies of such things.”

Rose felt her jaw drop. Where was this coming from? Looking from the Doctor back to the Quing, she found herself at a loss for words. 

“Nonsense, Doctor,” the Quing said, it’s brows furrowing slightly, obviously reading the tension between its guests. “Your companion is charming and we are grateful you’ve brought it here to meet us,” it said.

The Doctor nodded at this, clearly not convinced. 

Both humiliation and anger bubbled in her as she tried to process what had just happened. What the hell had she done to deserve this? Sickness or not… that was completely uncalled for.

Just then the chime of bells sounded through the room. 

“It appears it is time for the dance,” the Quing smiled. “Dame Rose… will you and Sir Doctor be so kind as to join us as our guests of honour?” the Quing suggested.

“Oh… I, uh... “ Rose began, not sure how to bow out delicately. The Doctor hated dancing as a rule, and after how she’d just been treated, she really didn’t feel like hanging about. All she wanted to do was pull him back to the TARDIS by his ear and demand to know what his problem was. 

“Of course we will,” the Doctor said, his smile wide. “Right, Rose?” he said, looking at her innocently.

She was about to offer an apology to the Quing when she caught the look in his eye. It was a warning.

Part of her wanted to kick him underneath the table for being such a prat tonight, but then another thought came to her. Maybe there was something else going on here and she hadn’t caught on to it. The Doctor rarely wanted to stay anywhere for an evening of frivolity. Was there more to this?

Rose sighed inwardly. It seemed the better idea would be to stay and find out what the Doctor was thinking. “Of course. That would be lovely,” she agreed, nodding in deference to the Quing.

“Wonderful! Please… make yourselves at home, my friends. I must tend to a few things and then I will return,” it said politely before rising gracefully and moving off to confer with someone standing to the side of the table.

They sat quietly for a moment as Rose contemplated confronting him right now about his earlier comments. Part of her wanted to rip him a new one, but the more rational part of her reminded her that they were still within earshot of royalty. Then there was the fact that she could possibly cut him some slack. He clearly still wasn’t well and that it was obviously too soon for them to have started travelling again. 

Around them, a warm and invigorating sort of tune started up and the people at the tables began making their way to a space on the other side of the hall. The Doctor was instantly distracted by the various couples as they moved to fill the dance floor, and Rose watched his gaze focus as he seemed to study them all carefully. Despite how frustrated she was with him right now, she couldn’t help but admire his handsome profile. Blimey, he was attractive. Stupid git. It was a good thing she knew he was usually a sweet, funny, charismatic bloke, ‘cause tonight there only the memory of that that was endearing him to her. That and his bloody great hair and his stupid gorgeous face. 

Unusually, then, the Doctor pulled his hand up to rub said face as he squeezed his eyes shut. It was a pained expression that instantly tore away Rose’s frustration with him.

“Doctor… are you alright?” she said, watching him. 

The Doctor opened his eyes and looked at her with slight surprise. “What? I’m fine. Why?”

“Well… you seem… sort of ‘off’,” she said, trying to put it as delicately as possible. “And you look a bit tired.”

Rose watched his jaw tense as he took a loud breath through his nose. “Look, Rose. I’m fine. I don’t need you to be on me all the time about my health,” he said. “I told you that I’m alright. Now leave it,” he snarked.

Rose’s earlier frustration instantly bloomed again. “I would if you weren’t acting like such a…” she paused, reigning in her anger.

“What? What am I acting like?” he balked.

Taking a deep breath through her nose in an attempt to calm herself, she tried again. “It’s just that you seem to be so irritable. Have I done something? Is it me?” she asked.

The question seemed to jar him and he sat for a moment just staring at her. Then, “You think I’m angry with you?” he asked.

Rose blinked. Could he really be that unaware of how he’d been treating her? “Um… yeah. Sort of,” she said, she admitted.

“Gods. I’m… I’m really sorry,” he said, shaking his head. “The last thing in the universe I want to do is hurt you,” he said, looking truly remorseful. “I can’t imagine doing any of this without you, Rose. You know that, right?” he entreated, his eyes boring into her own. Blimey - was he tearing up? 

All the anger she’d been nursing instantly fell away. “Doctor,” she started, taking both his hands in hers. “I asked the TARDIS to look up your illness when you first got sick and she showed me an article on it… the flar...flarlitis,” she said. 

The Doctor’s brows furrowed, but he seemed interested.

“It said that the virus can cause irritability and mood swings,” she explained.

The Doctor nodded, clearly thinking this over. “Right,” he replied.

“I just think you’re not completely over it yet,” she hedged. “It might not be a bad idea to head back and take it easy for a bit until we’re sure you’re better, yeah?” she suggested, hoping he’d agree. 

“I do still have a bit of a headache,” he admitted, rubbing his forehead. “But unfortunately we can’t leave. Not yet, anyway. Once the banquet begins they lock and guard the doors of the hall so no one can leave until the Quing does,” he shared. “When the Quing asked if we would like to stay for the dance it was only a formality. To leave a royal banquet before the Quing is tantamount to treason here.”

“Oh,” Rose replied, deflating. Damn it. Given his current state, this was probably the last place he should be at the moment; in the presence of royalty who might easily be offended. 

Looking around them she considered what they should do. People were dancing, milling about, or chatting and drinking as servers bustled through the room with trays of food and drink. She was about to suggest they each grab a glass of the local wine and find a quiet corner to hole up in for the evening when he said, “Let’s dance.”

Really? He wanted to dance? She was about to make a comment about his usual avoidance of the practice, but before she knew it he’d taken her hand and had pulled her to her feet to lead her to the dance floor. The couples that were already there were all swaying gracefully to the music, their bodies incredibly close as they moved to the slow, waltz-like tune. Rose was about to suggest they should maybe wait until a more upbeat song came on, but that was when the Doctor pulled her close to echo the proximity of the other couples.

A rush of heat flew to her cheeks as he pressed his lean body very close to hers. Like the other couples around them, the Doctor held one of her hands up, much like humans did for a waltz, and his other arm wrapped loosely around her waist causing his long legs to brush up against the front of bronze ballgown as they moved together to the music. A contented sigh issued from him as he pressed against her, making a small excitement bloom in her belly. He was actually enjoying this. Being close to her. _’Don’t get too excited, Tyler,’_ her helpful conscience put in. _’It’s just a dance. No big deal. He has no idea what this is doing to you.’_

Just then, he leaned in so his cheek rested against hers. “I could do this all night.” The huskiness of his voice and the feel of his breath ghosting over the shell of her ear made her suddenly feel lightheaded. It wasn’t until she felt his hand slide downward to rest on the top of her backside, though, that she felt an entire kaleidoscope of butterflies take flight in her stomach. She had to be imagining this. 

His thumb began moving in little circles against her bare lower back then as he pressed himself against her a bit more so that she could feel his front flush against hers. A jolt of arousal played through her even as his other hand let go of hers to gently encourage her head to rest against his chest. The closeness was heady, but slightly disorienting. Where had this come from? Not that she was in any way opposed, just… it seemed to come out of nowhere. 

Just then a tall figure approached, seemingly popping the bubble surrounding them that had made her almost forget where they were.

“Excuse me, Sir Doctor, but our Minister of Off-World Affairs would like to talk with you for a moment,” the lithe figure said politely.

Against her, Rose felt the Doctor’s body tense, but he didn’t pull away from her. Instead he simply said. “We’re busy. Go away.”

Horrified, Rose gaped up at the Doctor before pulling back to apologize for him. Before she could, though, the Wowan turned and scurried off. 

Incredulous, she looked up at the Doctor. “What was that about?” she asked.

“What? We _are_ busy. I don’t want to talk to anyone else right now,” he said, pulling his hand up to trace a finger over the curve of her jaw as his eyes bored into hers. 

The intimate gesture was heady, but she made herself focus on the problem at hand. “Doctor, you can’t just tell our hosts to ‘go away,’” she said, making herself pull back from him completely. “Now, I know you’re not well, but we have to go and make nice, alright? Let’s go see what the Minister wanted to talk to you about,” she instructed, turning to walk off. 

“No,” she heard as she felt his hand encircle her wrist. She was immediately halted. “We’re dancing,” he informed her, pulling her back to him with some force. 

Anger washed through her. “Doctor, let me go,” she demanded with a bit of volume, tugging her wrist from his grip. “What’s the matter with you?” He might be irritable, but this was something else.

“Me? There’s nothing the matter with _me_ , Rose?!” he bit back. Then, obviously becoming aware that many of the other couples around them had stopped dancing and were unabashedly watching them, he barked loudly, “Stop looking at us!”

Immediately people’s gaze shifted. 

“Doctor… I don’t know what’s going on with you, but I’m going to apologize to our hosts and then I’m taking you back to the TARDIS,” she informed him before strutting off, half fearing she’d be yanked back to him again.

She wasn’t though, and as she marched toward their hosts she chanced a glance back to find him catching up with her. In moments, her upper arm was caught in his grip and a sharp whisper found her ear. “Don’t be an idiot, Rose. They’re not going to let us leave,” he warned.

His grip was tight and actually hurt causing her to hiss a breath in. Halting mid-stride, she looked up at him. Frustration coloured his usually handsome features making him look menacing. Part of her actually felt a trickle of fear for the man she’d trusted implicitly for the last few years, but a bigger part of her was irate. “Let. Me. Go,” she demanded, staring up into his hardened visage, not having to work at giving him her most insistent glare. For some reason, her hard words seemed to sink in and he let go of her.

“I’m… I’m sorry…” he trailed off, suddenly looking confused. Blimey - he was really a mess. She had to get him back to the TARDIS before things got even more out of hand. 

Rubbing her arm, she offered him a worried smile. All this tonight… the insults, the flirting… it wasn’t him. “‘S alright. I know you’re poorly Doctor, but you have to try to get a hold of yourself. Here,” she said offering her hand for him to take. “Come with me,” she insisted. 

Looking down at her proffered hand, he reached out to take it. He looked a bit like a lost child. Rose’s heart nearly broke. Whatever was wrong with him… this ‘flarlitosis’, or whatever… it was affecting more than just his mood, it seemed, and it appeared to be getting worse. All the more reason to try to get out of here sooner rather than later. 

Gently leading him forward, Rose headed directly for the Quing who appeared to be finishing a conversation with some diplomat or other. Seeing them near, it offered them a warm smile. “Doctor - I was just going to introduce you to some of my esteemed colleagues from the Braynar System,” it shared.

Before the Doctor could respond, though, Rose jumped in, “I’m so sorry, your majesty, but… I wonder if I can respectfully request that the Doctor and I be allowed to leave,” she began. 

Astonished gasps issued from a few of the Wowan’s surrounding the royal. Before anyone could speak, Rose hastily continued, “The Doctor’s ill, you see, and he’s really doing poorly this evening. We thought he’d be well enough to enjoy your royal company, but I’m afraid his health has been declining all evening,” she explained. 

The Quing’s expression was unreadable, but those of the Wowans around it were clear as day. They were furious. 

“Guards!” one of them shouted. 

Suddenly, the room erupted in a flurry of movement. The Quing was quickly whisked away by bodyguards while a number of larger, burlier Wowan’s surrounded Rose and the Doctor. 

Darting a look at the Doctor, hoping he might have some plan to talk them out of this, she was alarmed to find that he actually looked properly terrified. Blimey. What had she done?


	3. As You're Told

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooo - I loved writing this chapter! It went through several revisions, but even though it gave me some grief, my muse was tickled with it. Hang on tight - here we go!

### 

Immediately, strong hands pulled them apart. “Oi!” the Doctor squawked in fear and alarm as a particularly large Wowan grabbed his arms. 

“Wait… you don’t understand,” Rose tried as one of the other guards yanked her backward. Ignoring their protests, the guards hauled them out of the room full of onlookers to usher them along the halls of the office tower castle. 

“Where are you taking us?” the Doctor asked, sounding truly frightened. “Rose - tell them you’re sorry!”

Before Rose could respond, the guard leading the Doctor by the arm said, “Your apology means nothing. You’ve committed Queason.”

The Doctor blinked. “We’ve committed…?” 

“Queason,” the guard repeated impatiently.

A thoroughly amused smile quickly erased all traces of fear the Doctor had been exhibiting. “Queason?!” he repeated before beginning to giggle. 

Thoroughly annoyed, his guard stopped mid-stride, effectively halting the movement of the group. “Queason is no laughing matter!” it insisted.

With that, the Doctor let out an high pitched titter that quickly erupted into a full on belly laugh. 

“Doctor-” Rose warned, taking in the unamused expressions of their captors.

“Qu- QUEASON!” the Doctor exploded, now actually doubled over in mirth. 

“Shut up!” his guard barked, pulling him up by the arm.

“Doctor - you need to get ahold of yourself,” Rose insisted loudly over the laughter. “Look at me,” she suggested, hoping she could make him focus. 

Apparently he heard her, because his shrieks of amusement dissolved into sniggers as his eyes found hers.

“That’s it, Doctor. Now focus, yeah?” she coached desperately as he wiped a tear of mirth from his cheek. “We’re in trouble. I… I’ve made a mistake and now these people are arresting us,” she explained, dearly hoping she was getting through. 

“Gods you’re beautiful,” he stated, his voice full of happy affection and his eyes now focused only on her.

The earnest expression and pointed gaze made her stomach flip. Damn it. Why couldn’t he say something like that when he was actually right in the head? “Doctor - focus. I need your help,” she insisted. 

“There’s no help for you,” her guard snarled, pushing the Doctor lightly to get him and the rest of the troupe moving again. “You’ve insulted the Quing. It’s an offense of the highest order,” he informed her. 

“Wait… you’re arresting us because my lovely companion here insulted your Quing, am I right?” the Doctor put in, now sounding more like his regular confident self. 

The Doctor’s guard glowered down at him. “That’s right.”

“Well that’s a bit silly, isn’t it? I mean… this was just a big misunderstanding. If we were on Wowan 5 they’d probably just give us a warning and send us on our way, yeah? And surely Wowan 3 is more advanced that Wowan 5. In fact, I bet the Quing didn’t even take offense, but you lot jumped the gun and got all arrest-y about it,” he concluded. 

“Shut-up,” the Doctor’s guard barked, cuffing him forcefully upside the head. 

“Oi!” Rose shouted as the Doctor stumbled with the impact.

“You better do the same,” the Wowan guard warned her with a leer. “I can think of a few ways to keep you quiet if you don’t decide to do it yourself.”

With that, the Doctor stopped in his tracks, making the large blue guard behind him bump into him. “What did you say?” he demanded, his comportment once again suddenly shifting.

Rounding on the Doctor, the towering guard stood toe to toe with him, looking down on him angrily from its impressive height. “If your mate doesn’t keep its mouth shut, I’ll shut it myself. It won’t be pleasant,” he snarled.

The Doctor’s eyes were narrowed and his jaw set. “You’re going to be so sorry you said that,” he said lowly. Rose felt a shiver of fear trickle through her. He really was quite terrifying when he was angry and she was grateful that this time it wasn’t directed at her. 

“Am I? What are you gonna do?” it huffed, pushing the Doctor back into the guard standing behind him. The Wowan he’d fallen into took the opportunity to grip the Doctor’s arms behind his back. 

“I’m going to make you pay,” the Doctor warned despite his apparent helpless position. 

The guard snorted out a laugh and grabbed Rose up by the arm to pull her into its chest. A new sort of fear gripped her. “Doctor!” she squeaked as the blue bastard slid it’s hand down to cover her arse. 

“I’ve always wanted to have relations with a human. I hear they’re… loud,” it smirked, squeezing her bum so she yelped in its grip.

“Let her go!” the Doctor demanded, wrestling with the arms holding him.

The firm hand on her bottom immediately relaxed its grip and the guard pushed her away with enough force to send her sprawling on her arse. 

Looking disoriented, it looked down at her in confusion. An angry snarl made it’s lips curl then, sending a fresh bolt of adrenaline through her. “What sort of magic is this?!” it demanded, it’s eyes accusing. Rounding on the Doctor, it glared down at him. “How dare you tell me what to do! I’ll have my way with your mate and when I do you are going to _watch_!” it sneered.

Rose cowered as the guard lurched back in her direction. Closing her eyes, she readied herself to be yanked up into its sickening grip once again.

“Stop!” the Doctor shouted. 

Miraculously, the Wowan stopped in its tracks. A look of sheer agitation coloured its features as it stood above her, unmoving. 

“Get away from her, or so help me, I’ll see to it you were never born,” the Doctor threatened.

Rose swallowed as she stared up at the menacing figure, her heart racing. For what seemed like the longest moment of her life, the creature seemed to wrestle with itself before dropping its shoulders and backing away.

Rose blinked. Wow. She knew the Doctor could be intimidating, but she’d never seen such an about face as this had been.

Struggling against the grip of the Wowan currently holding him, the Doctor insisted, “Get your hands off of me!” before breaking free. In moments he was at her side and was helping her to her feet. 

“Are you okay?” he asked, keeping a wary eye on the guards surrounding them.

“Yeah,” she answered, not sure she was telling the truth. 

Standing to his full height, Rose watched as the Doctor took a deep breath and leveled a glare at the beings surrounding them. “You are going to let us go now. Do you understand? Let us go and we won’t launch a complaint with the Shadow Proclamation. We’ll leave your planet and won’t come back,” he promised. 

The Wowans surrounding them seemed uncertain, but slowly began backing away from them, leaving room for them pass. Looking up at the Doctor, Rose found him looking as stunned as she felt. He quickly banished the expression, however, in favour of a more confident one. “Right. Good,” he said. “We’ll be off then,” he assured them, taking Rose’s hand. 

Allowing herself to be led through the baffled guards, Rose darted a quick look back at the one who was apparently their leader. He seemed completely bewildered. 

Turning to face forward, she whispered, “Doctor… what just happened?”

“I have no idea. Just keep walking.”

She did. 

 

OoOoOoOoO

 

Rose lay in her hot bath full of bubbles, finding it impossible to relax. Tonight had been completely bizarre. Never in a million years would she have predicted the Wowans would just let them go. But that’s exactly what’d happened. The Doctor went all ‘Oncoming Storm’ on their arses and… voila. Freedom. It was barmy. 

Then, of course, there’d been the Doctor’s mind numbing mood swings. She’d never seen such extremes from anyone in such a short amount of time as she had with him tonight. He’d swung from rude to flirty to angry to frightened to protective… her head was still spinning with the randomness of it. It’d actually been scary. Blimey. She never thought she’d be properly frightened by the Doctor. Oh sure, she’d been intimidated by him the odd time, but never scared. Tonight though...

She shook her head. The more she thought about it, the more she was convinced that something more was at work here than just some measly virus (no pun intended). There was no way in the universe the Doctor would’ve been so forward with her unless something was seriously wrong with him. 

Fuck. Now _that_ was a depressing thought. That he must be sick in the head if he was interested in her ‘that way’. She sighed heavily with the thought. Unbidden, memories of his hand drawing tingling circles on the upper curve of her bottom sent a shiver up her spine. Why, oh why hadn’t he been of sound mind when he’d finally openly made a move on her? Didn’t it just figure that her biggest dream would come true, only to turn out to be a hysterical cosmic joke? 

Letting herself sink deeper in the cooling water, she blew bubbles into the luke-warm liquid now covering her mouth. Letting the water settle so her lips were still under the surface and her nose was just above it, she closed her eyes and repeated the action a couple more times. It was oddly therapeutic. 

Without warning, a swell of pressure pushed into her head making her nearly inhale the water she was immersed in. Water sloshed over the side of the tub as she bolted to sit up with her fingers pressed against her temples. What the hell? 

A familiar wash of calm spilled through her mind then, making her suddenly aware of what was going on. The TARDIS. The TARDIS was trying to tell her something. She recognized the welcome calm feeling, but that other feeling - she’d never felt it from the ship before. It was… worry. Worry. Oh god. The Doctor.

Jumping up, she grabbed the towel hanging on the wall rack and hastily wrapped it around herself as she nearly fell out of the tub. She had to get to him. The TARDIS was trying to warn her of something and in the state he was in…

Dashing out of the loo, she darted from her room and out into the corridor. But where was he?

Deciding that the console room was most probable, Rose ran along the hallway, oblivious of the cool air chilling her still wet skin. Up ahead she heard the Doctor speaking impatiently, as if explaining something to an insolent child. “It’s not. It’s absolutely safe, so long as you know what you’re doing; and I do! I have no intention of destroying you, the universe, or anything in it, despite your apparent lack of faith in me,” he said, his voice full of condescension. Who was he talking to? 

Rounding the corner, she came to a full stop only a few feet from the man she’d heard lecturing only a moment ago. He was alone.

“Rose!” he exclaimed, looking thoroughly thrilled to see her despite his rant only a moment ago. 

“Are you alright?” she demanded, breathing heavily as a drop of water plunked into her eye from a strand of sopping hair.

“Never better, Rose,” he grinned. “In fact, I’m better than never better. Know why?” he challenged.

“No. Why?” she replied, concern still gripping her as she continued to gasp for air.

“Because, my dear, lovely, nearly naked companion,” he said, waggling his eyebrows, “I have finally figured out how to solve a problem I’ve been grappling with for far too long.”

Clutching her towel closer to her chest in acute embarrassed awareness of her wet, towel-y state, she replied, “What problem?”

The Doctor chuckled uncharacteristically, making her even more uneasy. “Gods, Rose… I still find it amazing you haven’t figured it out. But I know a way I can fix it so it never becomes a problem at all,” he stated, cocking his head as if studying her.

“Oh yeah?” she replied. “How’s that then?” Whatever his ‘problem’ was, his solution was clearly a dangerous one if the TARDIS was worried.

A sly smile formed on his perfect lips. “You’d like to know, wouldn’t you?” he asked, moving closer. “But I can’t tell you. It would ruin it. And Gods, I need this to work,” he said, now close enough to touch her. “I really do,” he said, his eyes dark. 

“You do?” she replied, dumbly.

“Oh yes,” he said, reaching out to trace her jaw with his fingers. It was the same intimate gesture he’d done earlier, and, much as it had then, it made her stomach swoop. “More than you know,” he emphasized, his intense eyes fixed on her own. 

An unexpected wave of worry pressed into her mind from the TARDIS. She needed Rose to help her talk him out of whatever he was up to. Unsure exactly how to get him to open up, she tried, “But I wanna help you. How can I do that if I don’t know what’s you’re doing?” 

A sympathetic smile decorated his features then. “My Rose. You’re always so willing to help. But you can’t be involved in this, I’m afraid. Weeellll - I say that, but in a way you already are, aren’t you?” he said with a nonsensical grin. 

“Of course I am,” she agreed, aware that he was not making sense. God knows what ‘plan’ he had up his sleeve. “I’m here, so you might as well let me help, yeah?”

Pulling his hands from hers, he backed up toward the console. “You can’t Rose. Not now. You will though. Or, rather, you _did_ ,” he grinned, before turning to spin a dial and flip a series of levers. 

“Doctor, what are you doing?” she asked, anxiety washing through her as he continued dancing around the console. The TARDIS shook and groaned in protest as he pressed a few more buttons. A loud creak sounded somewhere deep under the rotor. 

“All I can tell you, my Rose, is that I have to cross my own timeline. I’ve tried to think of other ways to do this, but there aren’t any. I have no choice,” he explained loudly over the increasing noise. “So hang onto something,” he warned. Spinning a dial with a flourish, he gripped the sides of the console.

The TARDIS began shaking, forcing Rose to the grab onto the nearest strut. “HANG ON!” the Doctor yelled needlessly. Just then, gravity flipped, ripping Rose’s feet from the ground. Hanging onto the strut with all her strength, she tried to look around to see if the Doctor was alright. Before she could, though, a piercing screech filled the space prompting Rose to squeeze her eyes shut. 

Just then, a violent thump jolted the ship and, as suddenly as it had left, gravity returned, making Rose crash to the ground even as the lights around the room disappeared throwing them into blackness. 

“Rose!” the Doctor’s panicked voice called from somewhere on the other side of the room.

“I’m alright,” she called back, ignoring the ache in her hip which had contacted the grating first. 

A couple of harsh emergency lights suddenly lit, illuminating the silent console room. “What happened?” she called, tightening her loosened towel around her as she found her feet. Silently she thanked god it hadn’t fallen off and been flung across the room in the mallay.

Across from her, two hands gripped the edge of the console and the Doctor’s head popped up. “I don’t know, but I have a feeling...” he trailed off as he climbed quickly to his feet to study the screen above him. Unexpectedly, an angry growl flew from him. “What!”

Fear darted through her. “What is it?”

“Bloody Cardiff!” he spat. “She didn’t want to take me back, so she’s landed us in Cardiff in bloody 2008!”

Throwing up a silent thanks, Rose breathed a sigh of relief. The TARDIS had managed to stop him. Images of a time when she’d crossed her own timeline came flooding back to her, making her shiver. As far as she could tell, the time ship had managed to save them from another catastrophe. 

Apparently the Doctor didn’t share her enthusiasm, however. “Bloody insolent… I should’ve let them decommission you and taken a _real_ TARDIS when I had the chance! Obsolete piece of time trash!” he shouted up into the room. 

The TARDIS responded by blinking out the emergency lights she’d deigned to provide them. 

“FUCK!” he bellowed. “Fine! Just… fine!” 

Stomping around in the darkness, Rose heard him mutter angrily to himself before she felt his hand grip her forearm. “Come on. We’re leaving.”

“I’m not dressed,” she balked as he led her forward in the dark. 

“You’re dressed enough,” he stated, his voice oddly detached.

“No, I’m not,” she insisted, trying to pull away from him. 

A frustrated growl sounded even as his grip tightened. Suddenly she felt his tense body flush against hers. “Why don’t you _ever_ do as you’re told?” he snarled. “When I say ‘jump’, you jump! When I say don’t wander off, you don’t wander off! When I say ‘come’, you fucking come! Got it?!” he demanded, his breath hot on her face.

Fear flew through her. A big part of her wanted to try to knee him in the bollocks. The other part of her knew better, though. He was deceptively strong and she’d never seen (or heard) him like this. Deciding to aim for meek, she said, “Doctor, please… I just want to put some clothes on, yeah? I promise to listen better once I’m dressed, okay?”

Silently praying, she relaxed slightly when he let go of her arm. “You know what, Rose? You say that, but I don’t know that you _can_.”

Anxiety rose in her. “What do you mean?” she asked, not just a little afraid of his answer.

“I mean, I don’t think you _can_ do as you’re told,” he stated. Then, in the dark, she felt his larger hands wrap tightly around hers. “Kiss me,” he insisted.

Her stomach crawled up into her throat with the request. No. Not a request. A demand. In other circumstances she would’ve swooned at the suggestion. If he’d muttered the words at any other time…she would’ve pounced on the opportunity. No question. With him like this, though… she couldn’t. Not now. “I can’t,” she said softly, unable to keep regret from colouring her response.

Forcefully, the Doctor threw her hands down, making her stumble backward a bit as he barked, “Ha! You see! You can’t fucking listen!” 

Stomping feet put distance between them and moments later light streamed in from the TARDIS doors. 

“Where are you going?” she shouted at his retreating form.

“To find someone who _will_ listen!” he snarled back.

A silhouette of the Doctor’s form against the bright outside was the last image she had before the room fell into darkness again.


	4. Bloody Cardiff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! Managed to get this one up this weekend. Things are a bit hectic around our place atm, so forgive if my posts are a wee bit tardy over the next couple of weeks. Enjoy!

### 

The TARDIS helpfully illuminated the ship again the minute the Doctor slammed the door behind him, giving Rose the light she needed to quickly navigate the halls to race to her room. Throwing on a pair of jeans and her purple hoodie, she slipped on her trainers and darted back out to the console room.

“Where did he go?” she entreated, looking up into the room in the hopes the TARDIS might help her out. 

Over the console a screen lit up, showing the Doctor leaving the ship, heading off to down the street on the right hand side. This must’ve been earlier. 

“Thanks,” she said out loud, running toward the doors. She didn’t know exactly where he was, but at least now she had a direction. 

It was a cool fall day in Cardiff, whenever they’d landed, and Rose wished immediately she’d grabbed a jacket when she’d had the chance. Well, it was too late now. She had to find the Doctor quickly and talk him into coming back so the TARDIS could figure out what was wrong with him. Even if he may not be able to be reasoned with, she had to at least try. 

Running along the street, she kept her eyes peeled for the Doctor. He wasn’t generally difficult to miss. Being as tall as he was, wearing his long coat and converse, he was usually easy enough to spot. Searching across the street and around her as she pushed ahead, she neared an older man slouched over, rocking back and forth on the curb in front of a cafe. Poor bloke. Already had a few too many and it didn’t look to even be lunchtime yet, she thought sadly. 

She’d almost passed him when she heard an odd, faint wheezing sound coming from him. Slowing, she turned to get a better look at him and her heart nearly leapt into her throat. The poor man wasn’t blotto - he was choking! 

Swooping in, Rose fell to her knees beside the frantic bloke and searched his face to try to figure out how to help him. His panicked eyes were bulging and his mouth was… god… what was in his mouth?! 

Reaching out, his hands began pulling desperately at her hoodie. “Okay mate, stay still - I’m gonna help you, yeah?” she assured him, tentatively bringing her hand up to poke at the large dark item filling his mouth. It was fabric of some kind. Grabbing at it, she started pulling. And pulling. Blimey! One last tug finally freed the moist cotton… dear lord! It was a bloody gym sock. What the hell?

Coughing and spluttering, the fellow heaved in large breaths. “Okay. It’s okay now,” she soothed, patting his back. 

Finally gathering enough air in his apparently starved lungs, he rasped out a grateful, “Thank-you.”

“What happened?” she asked. He must’ve been assaulted. He hadn’t even been trying to pull the item from his mouth, though, for heaven’s sake! Maybe it’d just happened and he was disoriented.

“I… I don’t know,” the balding man said, shaking his head. “I was just sharing the gospel and handing out my leaflets,” he said, gesturing to a bag that had been thrown off behind him, “And I’d offered one to this bloke…” he said, looking off in concentration. “He told me to shut up and ‘put a sock in it’,” he reported, his brow furrowed. Looking back at Rose, he shook his head once again. “So I did.”

Rose blinked. “Why?”

Worry decorated the aging man’s features in response. “I don’t know,” he answered. “I just… had to.”

Rose looked at him for a moment. He didn’t seem to be mentally ill or anything. Not that she’d necessarily be able to tell from such a short interaction. Then a terrible thought came to her, sending a chill darting through her entire body. “Can I ask… what did this bloke look like? The one who told you to stick a sock in it?”

The man drew a trembling breath before answering, “He was tall. Maybe in his thirties. Long coat. Serious looking,” he replied.

The chill she’d felt now froze her to the spot. The Doctor. He’d told this man to do something, and he just… did. Just like the guards back on Wowan 3. 

“Which way did he go?” she asked, trying not to sound as hysterical as she was beginning to feel. 

“That way - toward the park,” the man said, pointing down the street.

“Right,” she said, quickly standing. “Are you gonna be okay?” she asked, offering her hand to help the man up. 

Accepting her help, the man stood. “Yeah. Just… be careful miss,” he warned.

“I will, thanks,” she promised him before turning to dash off in the direction he’d indicated. 

Her mind whirled as she raced down the street. The Doctor was telling people what to do and they would. Just… without question! Even if it ended up hurting them, they did what he said. It was barmy! How could this be? Had someone… I don’t know… cursed him, or something? Had he eaten some weird ‘do as I tell you’ berry and now he had this bizarre power to control people? 

And as if such a power in anyone’s hands wasn’t terrifying enough, in the state he was in at the moment, it could mean any number of horrible things could happen. He was a loose cannon right now. He was irrational and volatile. If someone stared at him the wrong way he could end up hurting them, like he had that old man - without even necessarily knowing he was doing it. 

Then a frightening thought occurred to her. Maybe he knew. Maybe he’d known that man would do exactly what he told him to. 

Thinking back, Rose combed through her memory of their ‘escape’ from Wowan 3. The Wowans had let them both go when the Doctor had told them to, but when she’d asked what’d happened, he hadn’t known. He’d been as surprised as she’d been about being so easily allowed to leave the castle. No. He didn’t know. He could say anything without even knowing he was hurting anyone. Fear gripped her. He was a danger to everyone around him. The kind of damage he could cause with just a couple of misplaced words… it was terrifying. And… 

Oh, my god. He was headed toward a park. People. Lots of people. Kids. Families. Her anxiety impossibly ramped up a few more notches.

The entrance to the park loomed ahead and there was still no sign of him. Running on, Rose headed down the paved pathway on the other side of the open gated entrance, keeping her eyes peeled for him or, god forbid, anyone who looked hurt.

Then she heard it. Crying off to her left. Her heart flew up into her throat in fear as she careened off the trail toward the sound. Up ahead she spied a little boy, maybe five, wearing a aqua blue jacket and a ‘Finding Nemo’ backpack. Tears streaming down his small face, he sobbed loudly as he walked through the treed area by himself.

Running over, Rose slowed to a stop a few feet from him. “Are you alright?” she said gently, kneeling so she was hopefully less intimidating. 

Reddened eyes studied her for a moment before he answered, “My Mum. I lost my Mum,” he informed her as a large weighty tear slipped down his cheek. 

Rose’s heart lightened slightly. Not a Doctor induced tragedy, then. Thank God. “What’s your name?” she asked softly now, so as not to spook him further. 

“William.”

“And how old are you, William?” she asked.

“Five and a half,” he answered. 

Poor little muppet. He was clearly terrified. “Well, William, would you like help finding her?” Rose offered, reaching out her hand.

Immediately nodding, the boy slipped his small hand in hers. 

“Okay. Let’s go find her then.” Looking about, Rose considered which direction might yield the best results. Then she thought of what should’ve been her first idea. “Do you remember anythin’ about where you saw your mum last?” she asked. “Like… was there a bench nearby? Water?” she tried.

The little guy thought for a moment. “There was a fountain,” he shared.

A fountain. “Brilliant! Let’s go,” she said, trying to sound cheery. “We’ll find her. I promise.” There couldn’t be too many fountains in the park. She could just ask directions to them and hopefully they’d run into a frantic mother of a missing boy along the way. Then she could get back to the business of finding her mentally compromised and possibly dangerous Time Lord. 

“Did you wander away while your Mum wasn’t looking?” she asked gently as they walked.

“No. Mummy was counting so I left to find someone to help her. But then I got lost,” he informed her.

“Counting?” she asked.

“Yeah. I was just trying to find another rock, and Mum said I wasn’t listening and she gave me a time out.”

Oh. She’d been counting down to a time out and he’d run away. “Oh, I see,” she replied. Blimey - he was in for it when she found him! 

They’d been walking for a few minutes when suddenly the boy pulled his hand from hers. “There it is!” he shouted, pointing excitedly before running full tilt toward a fountain in the distance. 

“Oi! Wait!” Rose called, taking off at a run after him. Blimey - for such a short legs, this kid could really fly!

Up ahead, the boy stopped short, looking off past the bushes to his left. “Mum?”

Finally catching up, she stopped alongside him to follow his stunned gaze. Her heart stopped.

About ten feet from them stood a slim woman wearing a pair of faded jeans and a navy blue jacket. She was turned toward the trunk of a large oak and was repeatedly banging her head against it. Blood splattered her shoes and the bark of the massive tree. She was counting out loud. “1156, 1157, 1158…”

Shock froze her for a moment. The Doctor. He’d done this somehow.

“Lady! Please!” William entreated, pulling at Rose’s pant leg. Immediately jolted from her paralysis, she flung herself forward. Grabbing the woman around the middle, she dragged her back and away from the tree. To her surprise, the woman fought her, though, pulling at her hands while scrambling to get away. All the while she continued counting. “1162, 1163, 1164…”

“Mummy!” the boy shouted as Rose doubled her efforts at keeping the woman from continuing her task. Sharp nails dug into Rose’s arm, and the woman arched backward with tremendous strength, butting Rose’s head hard enough for her to see stars. 

Momentarily dazed, Rose’s grip loosened and the woman pulled away, heading directly back to her spot in front of the tree. “1182, 1183, 1184, 1085,” she counted as she once again pounded her head against the stained bark, resuming her destructive litany.

Blood began pouring again, streaming down the woman’s face, even as her small son ran forward to try to pull her back, his frantic hands trying to pull her away from the tree. “Mummy, NO!” he cried, his hysterical shouts echoing across the park.

Racking her brain, Rose frantically tried to figure out how to help the woman. William clung to the woman’s legs as she continued relentlessly. Then it came to her. 

“William - take off your backpack,” she demanded, rushing over to the boy’s side. Helping him, she grabbed up the bag and stood, quickly sliding it between the woman’s head and the tree. 

Relief poured through Rose’s body. The boy’s mother didn’t pause her actions, but at least there was a cushion between her and the hard bark now. In seconds though, the woman shifted, moving to a spot just beside the backpack to resume her bloody head bashing against the unforgiving wood surface. Fuck!

“1198, 1199, 2000.”

To Rose’s complete amazement, the woman stopped counting. A moment later she stepped back from the tree to stare at it dazedly. 

“Mummy?” William sobbed, grabbing at her legs.

Looking down, the woman’s eyes suddenly came alive. “William!” she cried, dropping to her knees. Enveloping him in a protective hug, she tried to hang on to him even as she began slipping to the ground. 

“Mum!” he shouted again, being pulled down on top of her. The woman’s eyes slipped shut. 

Dashing to the woman’s side, Rose pulled out her phone and dialed 999 even as she checked her pulse. Sighing in relief when she felt the life affirming thud under her fingers, she relayed their location and woman’s condition to the man on the other end of the line. 

Apparently having heard the commotion, a young couple approached. “Oh my god!” the dark skinned woman yelped on seeing the carnage. “What happened?!”

“She ran into that tree by accident,” Rose fibbed. “The ambulance is on the way, but… my daughter ran off and I have to go find her,” she further lied. “Please - could you stay with them until the ambulance gets here?” she entreated.

“Of course,” the woman’s partner said, kneeling beside William’s mother. “Go find your daughter. We’ll stay with them,” he promised, as the woman he was with took off her coat to roll it up to put under the mother’s head.

Nodding her thanks, Rose took off down the path. The Doctor was here somewhere. He’d caused… whatever it was that had just happened with that poor woman, and she had to find him quickly before he inadvertently hurt someone else. But where would he have been heading? 

Wracking her brain, she kept her eye out as she ran. Ahead of her a lake came into view. Oh yeah. She’d forgotten this park was on Roath lake. A few row boats dotted the water as park goers paddled despite the cool weather. 

Stopping at the water’s edge, she scanned the lake, more to clear her head than to look for him. She doubted he would’ve borrowed a boat. Why would he? 

From somewhere behind her, a familiar voice piped up. “Finally came looking for me?”

Whirling around, she found her Time Lord standing not ten feet away, his hands stuffed in his pockets. A sort of dark anger swirled around him like a tornado of mad energy.

In the crazy revelations of the afternoon, she hadn’t had much chance to consider what she’d say when she actually found him. Now here she was. Clearing her throat, she tried, “Yeah. I had to talk to you,” she admitted. That was definitely true. He had to know what a danger he was to everyone right now. 

“Oh yes?” he said, unmoving.

“Yeah. Doctor… I think, well… it looks like,” she paused, collecting her thoughts. “Doctor, did you happen to come across a little boy and his mum in the park earlier?”

The Doctor seemed perplexed by the question. “I did.”

“Doctor - that mother… she was…” she trailed off, unsure how much to tell him right away. “She was pretty upset,” she settled on. “What did you do?”

A look of surprise crossed his features. “Do? I told her off - that’s what I did,” he informed her. “And she _should_ be bloody upset after the tongue lashing I gave her. What kind of parent gives a time out to a child for being curious?” he said with disgust. “That boy didn’t deserve a time out. She did. He was bloody _exploring_! Isn’t that what life is about? Exploring? Discovering? And that woman… she’s practically stealing that boy’s soul,” he said, his jaw tight with irritation. 

“What did you say to her?” Rose tried again, trying only to sound like she was supporting his feelings about the situation.

“What difference does it make?” he shook his head in frustration. “I might’ve told her to treat her son with some respect. I could’ve told her she’s slowly killing his creativity or that she’s squashing his will to live. That _she_ was the one who needed a time out - one bloody second for every one of the two thousand days she’s been charged with the care of that boy’s soul. I could’ve told her to shove her time out up her arse!” he spat. “It makes no bloody difference, because no one _listens!_

A picture of the woman’s blood stained face flashed before her. That poor woman. “Look, Doctor,” she started. “I need to tell you something,” she began, looking up at the sky in an effort to find words. “I mean, it sounds crazy, but I think… I mean, I wonder...” she tried before trailing off. How was she going to say this? 

No. That wasn’t the question. _Should_ she say this? _That_ was the question. She was basically planning to tell him he had the power to control people just by his words. Was that something she actually wanted him to know right now? Telling him about his supposed ‘super power’ at the moment could be a huge mistake. In the state he was in, he might actually purposefully use it to control people. To control _her_. 

“Well?” the Doctor snarked, clearly baiting her. His lips were turning up in a sneer. She could feel the tension coiled within him. He was waiting. Waiting for her to say something wrong so he could blow. 

That settled it. She couldn’t tell him. Not when he was like this. Right now she needed to get him away from here and get him well, and she wouldn’t be able to do that if he actively tried to block her. She needed him to trust her. She had to play low status. She had to be meek. She had to cajole him into compliance. The goal at the moment was to get him back to the TARDIS and away from people he could harm. 

“I was gonna say… I wonder if you could forgive me. I was wrong earlier,” she conceded. “I know you think I don’t listen sometimes, and you’re right,” she said, as apologetically as she could, staring down at her hands. “I just need you back, Doctor. Please come back with me?” she said softly.

For a moment there was silence. The wind pulled at her hair as people rowed by, laughing about some happy story. Coloured leaves blew around her feet and the smell of fall filled the air. The scene was idyllic and so opposite to the one she was actually in. The one that could very likely turn cruel and bloody if it wasn’t handled right. 

Not daring to look up, she waited. Finally the sound of leaves crunching underfoot made her raise her eyes.

“Kiss me,” the Doctor said, his hands now at his sides, his expression softer. 

Adrenaline flew through her. He was telling her to do it. Holding her breath, she waited for her body to react against her will. Waited to feel a senseless need to kiss him. But she didn’t. She felt anxious, and afraid, and worried, but not compelled. The memory of this same command coming from him earlier floated through her mind. She hadn’t felt any compulsion then either. 

Amazement bloomed in her. His ‘power’ didn’t work on her. 

Looking up at him, she found him gazing down at her with something akin to hope.

Rose swallowed. She’d said no to this earlier. She couldn’t kiss him. Not when he was like this. Now, though… if she didn’t he very well might leave again. He could hurt or even kill someone. And, while she knew it wouldn’t truly be her fault if that happened, she also knew she’d feel guilt for the rest of her life knowing she could’ve stopped him.

Stepping forward, she moved to stand only a couple of inches from him. Looking up into his eyes, she studied them for a moment. He was in there somewhere. The real Doctor. The one she trusted. The one she loved. 

Reaching up, she cupped his face in her hands. His skin was slightly too warm under the slight prickly stubble dotting his chin, reminding her once again that he wasn’t well. She couldn’t dwell on that at the moment though. 

Lifting up onto her toes, she encouraged him to lean down slightly so her lips could meet his. Closing her eyes, she breathed in the full scent of him as he closed the gap to press his lips to hers in a way she’d only imagined he would up until now. Oh, sure they’d kissed before, but she hadn’t been herself at the time, had she? Then again - he wasn’t himself at the moment. Despite that fact, though, she found herself responding to their proximity with full commitment. He still looked like him. He still smelled like him. And under all of this terrifying madness, he still _was_ him. 

_’It’s not him_...

Pushing that thought away, she allowed her hands to reach up and wrap around his neck. Fully giving in to the moment, she angled her head a bit more to fully appreciate the closeness now available to her. His tongue slipped inside her mouth to run over hers and run along her lips as they snogged with abandon. Strong hands encircled her, pulling her closer to him so her body was flush against his. A disorienting giddiness enveloped her as she felt him stir as he pressed into her.

_’It’s not him. What will he think about this once he’d back to normal?’_

The thought sobered her. Pulling out of the kiss, she stared up at him, her chest heaving with excitement and breathlessness.

“Hello,” he offered, as a large affection filled smile brightening his features.

Unable to hold back, she grinned in response. “Hello.”

“Come on,” he said, releasing her only to take her hand. “We have work to do, whether the TARDIS likes it or not.”

The headiness of the moment immediately came crashing down around her, bringing her instantly back into reality. He’d been hell bent on crossing his own time line for some reason, and it seemed he’d not forgotten his purpose. 

Images of reapers swooping down on unsuspecting people as they ran for cover danced across her vision as memories of that black day flooded her mind. Their batlike wings and huge, black bodies had all but covered the windows of the church she and her parents had been holed up in. So many lives would’ve been lost if it weren’t for the Doctor. And now… it was that very man who was inviting them back. The extinction of the universe would be on him if she didn’t stop him. 

How she was gonna do that, she had no idea. But one thing was for sure. She’d need help.


	5. Help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a few days late on this one - been doing the whole family Christmas thing! I hope this chapter finds you all well and that you had a relaxing holiday!

### 

The Doctor bounded back to the TARDIS all but pulling Rose along behind him. All the way back Rose prayed they’d not run into someone or something that would set him off, and luckily they managed to do just that. Unfortunately, Rose still had to figure out a way to stop the Doctor from manhandling the TARDIS into helping him cross his own timeline, and _that_ ran the risk of ticking him off.

“Doctor, I’ve been thinking,” she hazarded as they neared Landsea Park where the TARDIS had landed them, “maybe we could visit Jack while we’re here, yeah? I mean… you told me he returned to the 21st century. Cardiff right? Rebuilt Torchwood here? Maybe he’ll know where we can get something we could use to get the TARDIS help us?” She knew it was a ridiculously long shot, as she hadn’t been able to convince the Doctor to visit Jack since the Game Station, even when he was in his right mind. Still, she could hope. 

Stopping mid-stride, he looked down at her, his face frighteningly devoid of expression. Fear tingled in her belly. Blimey - had she already messed this up?

“That’s not a bad idea,” he finally responded, angling his head to look thoughtfully up into the sky. “If Torchwood has a stream classifier somewhere in their warehouse I could invert the parallel time regulator with it to subvert the TARDIS’s override,” he mused. 

Relief played through her. “Great! Let’s go,” she encouraged, patting his arm. “Which way?” 

When no answer came, she looked up at him. To her dismay, a large tear rolled down his cheek. “Doctor?” she questioned softly.

“I treated him so badly,” he said, still looking upward. 

“Who?” she asked, confused.

“Jack,” the Doctor replied. “After… after Canary Warf,” he said, his voice cracking as another tear slipped from the corner of his eye. “He doesn’t know.”

A lump formed in Rose’s throat, despite not knowing exactly what he was talking about. He wasn’t making sense, but it was clear he felt badly for some reason. “Look, I’m sure he’s forgiven you, Doctor,” she said, rubbing his arm. 

Shaking his head, he looked at her, more tears now leaking from his eyes. “I don’t deserve him. I don’t deserve you either,” he croaked, his chin trembling. 

“Oh, Doctor,” she said, instinctively wrapping her arms around him. “Of course you do. And we need you,” she shared. “Not just because you’ve saved the universe over and over, either. Because we… we love you,” she said, not unaware she was admitting more than she’d planned. 

Drawing back, he stared down at her, a hopeful grin now pulling at his lips. “You do?” he said.

“Of course,” she reassured him. “We all do.”

“Oh,” he responded, the glimmer of happiness disappearing as quickly as it’d appeared. 

“Now let’s go see him, yeah? See how we can fix the TARDIS?” she said, hoping she could keep him on task now.

Tugging on his hand, she managed to encourage him to start walking. It was a short two minute walk to Torchwood and Rose spent it frantically trying to come up with the best way to get Jack to help her without the Doctor guessing what she was up to. 

As much as she was desperate for help, she knew how wrong this could go in a short amount of time. The Doctor was a danger to everyone, including himself, and she needed someone who could help her find a way to control him while she figured out what was wrong with him and how to fix him. On the other hand there was this ‘power’. For some reason it didn’t affect her and she had no idea why. Could it be because she’d travelled through time? Maybe time travellers were immune to his suggestions? If that was the case, Jack would be alright. If she was wrong, though…

“Earth 2008,” the Doctor’s voice chirped, cutting into her ominous thoughts. “Not a bad year, if memory serves.” His tone was airy and light now, signalling yet another chilling shift in his mood. “The Australian Prime Minister apologizes to the Indigenous Australians and the Stolen Generations. The Canadian Prime Minister does the same for survivors of the residential schools. An African-American is elected President of the United States for the first time. All steps in the right direction,” he shared. “Too bad about 2016, though,” he tsk-ed, shaking his head. 

Inwardly, Rose sighed. How was it he could seem so normal one minute and be completely unhinged the next? She supposed that’s what made his condition so frightening. 

Coming up on a ‘tourist centre’ entrance, the Doctor squeezed her hand. “This is it. I hope they have biscuits,” he said randomly. 

This was Torchwood? It was a far cry from the lavish building she and the Doctor had escaped on Canary Warf. Still - at least it wouldn’t be long before she’d see Jack again, despite the risks. 

Pushing open the creaky door of the tourist centre, the Doctor poked his head in. “Hellllloooooo,” he sang. “Hmm. Nobody here,” he tsk-ed. “Torchwood’s getting sloppy. If they’re not careful, any old alien could walk in here,” he observed. 

Walking in behind him, Rose surveyed the dark, musky room. A couple of magazine racks graced the walls and a postcard turnstyle sported some yellowing samples. A few bulletin boards were hung, seemingly randomly, showcasing announcements from various tourism companies. Walking directly behind the cluttered reception counter across the room, the Doctor reached down, apparently looking for something under it. His trademark look of concentration (involving his bloody sexy tongue tip and the back of his top front teeth) decorated his features as he played his fingers around blindly in search of… what? Rose was about to ask, when he grinned manically. “Aha!” 

With that, a door Rose hadn’t noticed before across from the desk slid open revealing a shiny white hallway. 

Darting out from behind the counter, the Doctor gestured grandly toward the entrance. “Humans first,” he offered. Fair enough. Stepping over the threshold, Rose waited for the Doctor to join her before heading down the corridor. 

The hallway seemed to go on forever culminating in a series of stairs, eventually leading to a rather intimidating giant, round cogwheel. “Great. Now what?” Rose asked. 

Gesturing for her to look up, Rose followed the Doctor’s pointed finger to find a security camera trained directly on them. “Ohhhh.” Smiling up at the camera, Rose waggled her fingers. “Hi, Jack! Let us in!” she said as enthusiastically as she could, feeling more than a bit badly that she couldn’t warn him about the very tenuous situation she was about to put him in. 

A loud ‘clack’ sounded in the door in front of them, making Rose jump into the Doctor’s side. He chuckled a bit with her nervous reaction, but threw an arm around her anyway as the massive wheel door slowly rolled out of the way. His protective arm was usually more than welcome, as was his resulting increased proximity, but right now it reminded her only that the man she normally felt safe around was actually now the very reason she needed help.

“ROSIE?!” Jack’s awestruck voice called as he ran toward her. Stopping a few feet from her, he stood stock still, shaking his head. “Is it really you?”

A happy, homey feeling immediately washed over her. Jack. God, she loved him. “Hi, Jack,” she grinned, stepping forward. 

For a moment Jack just stared at her, his eyes wide. It wasn’t a moment before he swooped in though, grabbing her up in a bear hug, lifting her off her feet to swing her in a circle. “You’re alright! Thank god,” he breathed, squeezing her tighter. “After Canary Warf I thought… I mean… your name was on the list of the dead, Rose. I thought… I thought...” he stammered as he set her down to stare into her face as if drinking her in. 

Rose’s heart nearly stopped. Oh my god. He thought she’d died. So that’s what the Doctor had meant. He knew about the list and he’d never told her. Worse - she’d never bothered to let Jack know she was alive. Anger welled in her as the fact hit home. Looking over at the Doctor, she found him staring at his feet. He’d been crying because he felt guilty about not letting Jack know. Had he ever planned to tell him? If this hadn’t happened… if he hadn’t suddenly lost his mind, would she ever have seen Jack again?

Taking a calming breath, Rose turned her attention back to Jack. “I’m so sorry, Jack. We would’ve come sooner,” she said, once again looking over at the Doctor, “but you know what his driving is like,” she finished, putting on a smile. When he was better, she had some serious words for him. Now, though, she had to play it cool. 

Realizing he’d not yet greeted the other half of the ‘we’ Rose had alluded to, Jack released her and stepped forward to pull the Doctor into his arms. “Hey, Doc,” he greeted, patting the Doctor’s back. “Good to see you, man.”

No answer came from the man in Jack’s arms, causing Jack to pull back. Rose’s heart stuttered. 

“I’ve missed you, Jack,” the Doctor said, tearing up. Oh no. 

“Doc? You okay?” Jack asked, clearly alarmed by the emotional reaction.

“He’s okay, Jack,” Rose jumped in, patting the Doctor’s arm. “We’ve just had a really long day.” That was an understatement. 

“No we haven’t,” the Doctor interjected, looking at her in confusion. “Why do you say that?”

Rose swallowed. “No reason. Jus’... what with the TARDIS an’ all,” she hedged, “it felt kinda long, I thought.”

“The TARDIS? What’s wrong with her?” Jack asked, concerned.

“Oh, nothin’ serious,” Rose answered, trying to head off any possible question that might trigger the Doctor’s ire. “She’s just needing some adjustments, right Doctor?” she deferred.

Nodding, the Doctor added, “She’s being belligerent at the moment, I’m afraid. Nothing a stream classifier can’t fix. I’ll need to look around here to see if you’ve got one. I’ll pay you for it,” he added.

Jack blinked. “You don’t have to pay for anything here, Doc. What’s mine is yours,” he said, matter-of-factly. “You name it.”

The Doctor smiled at that. “Anything?” he challenged, looking at the time agent with narrowed eyes.

“Doctor…” Rose said gently, her anxiety suddenly climbing. 

“Of course,” Jack replied.

“Alright. How about you give me your word that you won’t use that bloody vortex manipulator ever again?” he suggested.

“Done,” Jack said. 

“Doctor…” Rose tried again, now fighting panic.

“Good. Give it to me,” he demanded. 

Without question, Jack loosened the device and pulled it from his wrist to plop it in the Doctor’s outstretched hand. 

Looking a trifle surprised, the Doctor laughed. “I like this game,” he admitted, turning to Rose with a wide smile. “What should I ask for next, Rose?” he asked, looking almost giddy with the idea of demanding more from the willing man before him. 

“How about a cuppa?” she suggested. Harmless and calming. 

The Doctor spat a loud ‘pffft’. “That’s a terrible idea, Rose!” he exclaimed. “Gods - you’re full of terrible ideas lately! Jack just said he’d give me anything! _Anything!_ ” 

Fuck! “Please, Doctor? I’d kill for a cuppa right now,” she entreated, putting on her best pouty face. 

Looking at her for a moment, he finally heaved a large, slightly aggravated sigh. “Fine. Make us some tea, Jack.” Suddenly, then, he brightened. “Oh! And biscuits! We need biscuits as well,” he added hastily, turning to look for support from Rose. 

“Biscuits would be lovely,” she agreed, eager to avoid displeasing him. 

“Biscuits and tea coming right up,” Jack agreed. Turning, he started heading further into the hub toward the kitchen. 

Grabbing Rose’s hand, the Doctor followed. Anxiety played through her veins as she trailed along behind him. This was a bad idea. Jack was gonna get hurt and it’d be all her fault for leading the Doctor here.

They wound their way around a few corners before coming to a kitchen that was bright and clean, and, to Rose’s dismay, occupied. 

“Gwen, Tosh, Ianto… this is the Doctor and this is Rose,” he said with a bright grin.

All three people sat still for a moment looking wide-eyed at the Time Lord before the woman Jack had introduced as ‘Gwen’ stood. “Hello, Doctor. Rose,” she said, clearly amazed to be in the Doctor’s presence. 

“The Doctor and Rose, here, decided to drop by for tea and biscuits. Oh - and to borrow some supplies,” Jack offered. “Sit down,” he smiled at their visitors, gesturing for them to take a seat at the table. 

They weren’t sitting for more than a couple of seconds before Tosh spoke up. “It’s an honour to meet you, Doctor,” she admitted. “Jack has told us a lot about you.”

The Doctor smiled. “All good, I hope?”

Tosh grinned back. “Of course,” she agreed. “And you, Rose… have you been with the Doctor long?” she asked.

Under the table, the Doctor slid his hand over hers sending conflicting excited and frightened waves of energy through her. “Uh - yeah. ‘S been two years now,” she shared. Beneath the table the Doctor’s fingers squeezed her own.

“So far,” he added helpfully. 

“Yeah. So far,” she agreed, desperately hoping their current situation wouldn’t end that partnership in a painful or violent way. “We’ve had some pretty amazin’ adventures,” she added, hoping to steer the conversation to something she could use to clue Jack in.

“And it’s only going to get better,” the Doctor put in. “Oooor, _have_ gotten better. Gods - English is rubbish for discussion of time,” he lamented, shaking head.

“What do you mean?” Ianto asked, sipping his tea. 

“Aha! That’s the question, isn’t it?” the Doctor said, thumbing the side of his nose.

“Here you go,” Jack interrupted, placing a steaming mug and a plate of biscuits in front of the Doctor. 

“Yes!” the Time Lord exclaimed happily, rubbing his hands together before reaching for a chocolate covered treat.

Placing another mug in front of Rose, Jack joined them all at the table. “So what were you saying, Doctor? Something about exciting trips?” he asked, reaching for a biscuit himself.

“Weeellll,” the Doctor drawled, “I don’t want to give anything away. Let’s just say things are about to get a whole lot better,” he said cryptically, waggling his eyebrows. Darting a quick look in Rose’s direction, he offered a wink and another squeeze of her hand. 

“Wow. Sounds… exciting,” Jack said, looking over at Rose, possibly hoping she might elaborate. 

“Yeah. It is,” she nodded too enthusiastically. Damn it. She couldn’t even send him a warning signal - a sign to let him know that what the Doctor had planned was anything but exciting. It was, in fact, the exact opposite. It was terrifying. Unfortunately she found herself unable to even raise an eyebrow, as the Doctor was currently staring in her direction. She needed to get Jack alone somehow.

Extricating her hand from the Doctor’s she cleared her throat. “I, uh… I have to use the loo,” she said, gesturing to the door. “Where is it?” she asked Jack pointedly.

“Oh - just head down the hall to the left, take a right at the office and it’s on the right,” he advised.

Standing, Rose moved to the door and hovered there for a moment. How could she get him to follow her? Poking her head out into the hallway, she looked both ways before leaving the room. Walking a few feet from the kitchen she waited for a minute, listening to the thankfully benign conversation continuing in the room. God - what was she gonna do? Maybe if she made herself scarce for a while someone would come looking for her? No, bad idea. Leaving the Doctor alone with these people for too long could end badly. She stood for another minute debating what to do. Finally, after trying out a few scenarios in her head, she went with the most obvious. Taking a calming breath, she walked back and into the kitchen. All heads turned. 

“I can’t believe I’m so blonde,” she grimaced with an embarrassed laugh. “I can’t find the loo. Jack, could you show me where it is, do you think?” she smiled widely.

Jack blinked in surprise for a moment, but quickly recovered. “Uh, yeah. Sure,” he agreed, pushing his chair back. 

“Sorry,” she offered. “I probably even walked right by it.”

“No worries, doll,” Jack smiled as he joined her at the door. 

Leading him out, she began heading in the direction he’d indicated that the loo was earlier. “This place can be quite a maze,” Jack said by way of supporting her perceived direction deficits. “It’s just this way,” he gestured toward a hallway to the right. 

Looking behind her, she double checked they weren’t followed as they rounded the corner. Finally out of sight should the Doctor enter the hall from the kitchen, she grabbed Jack by the arm. “I need to talk to you.” Taking his hand, she pulled him into the closest room, which turned out to be his office. Closing the door behind her, she let out an anxious breath before spinning to face him. 

“What is it? What’s going on?” he asked, now all business. 

“Jack - I’m so sorry. I needed help and I didn’t know where else to go. I hoped when we found you you’d be alone, but now I’ve put you all in danger,” she worried.

“Whoa - hang on, Rose. Take a deep breath. Just tell me what’s wrong,” he instructed. 

Looking up into his concerned eyes, she finally felt a small sense of relief. At least she wasn’t alone in this anymore. “It’s the Doctor, Jack. There’s something wrong with him,” she divulged. “He’s… well, he’s sick. I think. But it’s more than that,” she reached, trying to find words to best explain what she’d seen from him these past few days. “I don’t know how it happened, but the Doctor… he’s got this sort of… power,” she floundered.

“Power?” he parroted.

“Yeah. Like a sort of… superpower, I guess. Jack - he can make people do anything he wants just by sayin’ it.” There. It sounded barmy, but that was it in a nutshell. 

“Whoa. Hold on. Sooo… you’re saying that he…”

“...tells you to do something, and then you just… do it,” she finished for him.

Jack stood silent for a moment before admitting, “Well…that explains why I just gave him my vortex manipulator then. I actually wondered why I was doing it so willingly at the time,” he said, clearly recalling the moment. “That’s sort of scary. Still - at least it’s the Doctor who has this power, right? It could be worse. Could’ve been, like, Sarah Palin or somebody. Ew,” he said, wrinkling his nose. 

“No, you don’t understand,” she corrected. “It’s not just this power that’s the problem. He doesn’t even know he’s actually got it. The biggest problem is that he’s sick. He’s not -”

The door slammed open, then, making both Jack and Rose jump. Glaring at them, the Doctor stood to his full height in the doorway, his entire body practically vibrating with tension. 

“Hi Doc,” Jack piped up. “I was just telling Rosie about her Mum. I thought she should know about her being on the list of the dead,” he effortlessly fibbed. 

“Oh really?” the Doctor said, his tone flat. 

“Yeah,” Rose replied. “I was just askin’ him about her and he told me they think she’s dead,” she added for good measure, desperately hoping he was buying it.

The Doctor’s eyes narrowed as he studied her for a moment. “You’re lying.” 

“What? No, I’m not. Why would I lie?” she said, desperately hoping his self-proclaimed amazing Time Lord senses couldn’t somehow pick up her skyrocketing heart rate. 

“Whoa,” Jack stepped in protectively. “Listen, she’s not lying, Doc. I thought she should know.”

“Shut up, Jack,” the Doctor barked. Immediately the man beside her clammed up. Oh god. 

“Doctor,” she began in as calming a voice as she could muster. 

“And you can stop talking too, Rose. Do you think I’m an idiot? That I’m so bloody naive that I can’t see what’s right in front of me?” 

“What? What do you mean?” she asked, fear now gripping her.

“I’m talking about you. You and this… pretty boy,” he spat, waving an arm in the ex-Time Agent’s direction. “You don’t think I know what’s been going on behind my back all this time?!”

Rose blinked. Behind his back? “Doctor, I don’t-”

“Don’t ‘Doctor’ me, Rose. You’ve been sweet on him since London. It was obvious then and it’s pathetically obvious now,” he practically shouted. “If I hadn’t walked in you’d be spreading your legs for him already,” he barked.

Rose felt her jaw actually drop. _This isn’t him,_ her mind supplied. _This is the… whatever he’s got. It’s not your Doctor._

“Okay, look,” she said as steadily as she could, “Jack and I… we’re just friends. That’s all,” she assured him, suddenly aware she’d raised her hands in a surrender type gesture. 

“Do you really expect me to believe that?” he sneered. “He’s a bloody slut you’re no better!” he said, stabbing a finger in her direction. 

“Okay, Doctor… you need to calm down,” she tried, feeling things quickly spiraling out of control. “I promise you there’s nothin’ going on between me and Jack. Besides, I spend all my time with you on the TARDIS,” she reasoned. “How could I be having something with Jack?”

The Doctor huffed a breath through his nose. “I’m not an idiot, Rose. I bet he’s met you on every stupid planet we’ve ever landed on, hasn’t he?” he accused. “And then when we leave, all you do is think about him, don’t you? You in your bedroom after you’re finally rid of me each day… you think I don’t know what you’re doing in there?! So anxious to have time to yourself so you can so you can think about what you’ve done with _him_ and wank off,” he grimaced, nodding his head in Jack’s direction. 

Rose’s eyes widened in horror. Oh my god. No. How… how could he know that she...

“Yeah. That’s right. Superior senses, Rose,” he said, tapping his nose. “Your pheromones stink up the hall so I can barely breathe some days! What is it? Like… every other day? Every day sometimes?!”

Mortification filled her. He knew? He could _smell_ her?!

“And all because you’re incorrigible, isn’t that right? Because you and Jack are shagging behind my back and all you can think of is him!” he accused. “Well you know what, Rose? I’m sick of your lies!” he spat. Addressing Jack then, he sneered, “Take her. She’s yours. Take her til she can’t breathe. I don’t care anymore. I don’t care about anything anymore.” Turning, he strode out of the room and slammed the door behind him.


	6. Controlled Reaction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright friends. Heed the warnings. All of them. And… I’m so sorry.

### 

The door had barely slammed shut behind the Doctor before what he’d said sunk in. Oh… oh god. Rose didn’t even have a chance to turn before she felt hands thread around her waist from behind. Breath ghosted over the skin of her neck before soft lips pressed there. 

“Jack,” she began, tugging at his hands to release her before spinning around and backing away, “remember what I said before the Doctor came in?”

“You’re mine,” he breathed, swiftly moving in to capture her in his arms again despite her slight distance. Grabbing the back of her head he tilted it so his lips could crash down on hers. The speed of his assault was disarming but Rose had managed to tuck her hands between them despite that, and gave as mighty a push as she could muster. The force of her resistance managed to dislodge Jack’s hands, but it also sent her staggering backward into the chair behind her. In a blur of limbs and gravity, she tumbled to the floor, landing painfully on her backside. 

Slightly disoriented for a moment, she looked up to find her friend looming over her. “Jack… listen,” she said, scooting backward on her bruised tailbone, “the Doctor has powers, yeah? He told you to do this. You don’t have to. You can fight it,” she pleaded. 

“Mine,” he reiterated, before bearing down on her to straddle her legs with his own. One hand grabbed at her hoodie to pull it up while the other played with button of her jeans.

“No! NO JACK! STOP!” she shouted, pounding her fists as hard as she could into his chest and arms. Her efforts didn’t seem to deter him. If anything, they seemed to make him more focused. The sound of her zip being pulled down sent a thrill of terror through her, making her redouble her efforts. Abandoning punching for clawing, Rose aimed for his face as best she could, managing to finally contact his right cheek. The sickening feeling of skin under her nails preceded a sharp cry. Jack’s hand flew to his face then, giving Rose a split second to react. 

Pushing herself backward as best she could, she managed to almost get one leg out from under him when she felt his hands grab at the fabric of her jeans. Tugging with all his might, he yanked her trousers down to her knees, making it impossible to move her legs independently. Climbing on top of her again, he growled, “Stay still!” A hand came up only to come crashing down across her face. 

Stars streamed across her vision and tears filled her eyes only to spill down her cheeks as the world spun around her. Vaguely aware that Jack had pulled her trousers clean off, she only really came back to herself when she felt her knickers being yanked roughly down her legs. “NO!” she shouted again, aware enough again to put up a fight. “HELP! HELP ME!” she screamed as loudly as she could muster as the man above her insinuated himself between her legs. “Jack! No, Jack! Please,” she begged, pounding his chest with her fists. 

She was about to cry for help once again but was stopped by Jack’s hand which simultaneously covered her mouth and pinched her nostrils shut. “Shhhh,” he instructed. 

_’Take her till she can’t breathe,’_ the Doctor’s voice drifted back to her. Terror of a new sort electrified her. He was going to kill her. 

Gathering all her remaining strength, she wriggled under him, pulled at his hair, and did her best to draw blood with her nails. Her efforts paid off only in that he was so occupied just trying to hold her still while he simultaneously smothered her that he was momentarily distracted from his original task. Continuing to thrash beneath him, though, was becoming more difficult as her lungs began burning. Without conscious thought she redirected her energy to try to dislodge the hand covering her face. Unfortunately, though, his sheer strength was winning over her desperate attempts to free her airway. Spots began clouding her vision and the world began to retreat from her awareness, leaving her only vaguely cognizant of the fact that he was reaching down to undo his trousers. 

Jack. The man she’d met so long ago now… at least in her short life it was long ago. The man she trusted over so many, was going to be the one who killed her. 

No. Not Jack. He wasn’t doing this. Not really. He couldn’t help it, could he? The Doctor had told him to do this. The man she loved most in the universe had inadvertently commanded her friend to kill her. She was going to die. Right now. And for what? For nothing. She wasn’t saving the universe, she wasn’t rescuing anyone, she wasn’t even doing something just morally right. It was all for nothing.

Distant muffled shouts from somewhere far from where she was pushed into her consciousness. Where were they coming from? It didn’t really matter, she supposed, even as that thought began to recede. Even as all thought began to-

A strangled sharp sound shot through her skull then, followed by a searing pain that seemed to tear her chest apart. “It’s okay. Breathe, Rose,” a voice insisted. Another wracked gulp of air seared her lungs, forcefully expanding them once more. “That’s it. Keep breathing,” the voice encouraged. 

Feeling awareness spill back into her head, Rose’s eyes shot open. Jack! 

Bolting upright, she greedily gulped in more air as she frantically looked around her. Jack lay in a heap beside her on the floor even as Ianto helped her sit up. “Wha… what happened?” she croaked, her hand massaging her pained chest. 

“Jack was… he was going to... I had to knock him out,” Ianto panted, clearly still exerted by the effort. “Are you okay?”

Rose shook her head. “No,” she admitted, pushing herself back along the floor and away from Jack. 

“I, uh… here,” Ianto said, scooting over to grab up her jeans that had been thrown halfway across the room. Her knickers were nowhere to be seen. Handing her trousers to her he turned away. Privacy. Tears welled in her eyes. 

Standing, she tugged her jeans on as she watched Ianto remove his tie to fasten Jack’s hands tightly together. Removing Jack’s belt, he began binding his legs together as well. As he worked, Jack began moaning, making Rose retreat further so her back was against the doorjamb. Shaking his head, he blinked blearily. “Rose,” he groaned. “My Rose.” Renewed fear filled her as her name passed his lips. He still wasn’t back to normal. 

“Jack!” Ianto barked, leaning over the man, “What the hell’s wrong with you? What were you thinking?!”

Coming more to awareness, Jack looked around to find Rose and pin her with his gaze. “She’s mine.”

Anger flared in Ianto’s eyes. His fist cocked back in the air as his other hand pushed against Jack’s chest to still his target. 

“Stop, Ianto!” Rose demanded. “It’s not his fault.”

“What?!” Ianto said, turning toward her, his fist poised.

“It wasn’t him. He couldn’t help himself,” she made herself say, despite what her eyes and her body were telling her. It hadn’t been him. Not really. 

Letting his fist drop, Ianto looked up at her. “What do you mean? I saw it, Rose. It was him,” he informed her, clearly thinking her mad.

“Take her till she can’t breathe,” Jack interrupted, his eyes never leaving Rose as he pulled fruitlessly at his bonds. 

Then an idea occurred to her. Gathering her courage, she moved closer to kneel next to him. “Jack… you did that already,” she said steadily. “The Doctor told you to take me, but he didn’t say how. You took me in your arms. And… and then I couldn’t breathe,” she informed him.

Jack blinked. “I did?”

“Yeah,” she said, her jaw trembling despite her best efforts. 

Before her his eyes seemed to clear and he squeezed them shut for a moment before opening them wide in horror. “Rosie… oh my god! Rose I’m so sorry! I… I couldn’t stop. I tried - I did, I swear,” he fretted from his place on the ground. 

The tightness in her chest released slightly with his words. “Let him go,” Rose instructed, touching Ianto’s shoulder.

“Are you sure?” Ianto asked, checking in to make sure she meant it. 

“Look - if you want to leave me here for a while that’s okay. I understand,” Jack put in. “After what I… what I did,” he stammered, his jaw tight with regret.

“No, Jack. It wasn’t you. Not really,” she assured him, trying to make her body believe what her brain knew to be true. “It was the Doctor.” 

“Wait,” Ianto put in, “I know the Doctor was being a complete arse, but what did he have to do with this?” 

Taking a deep breath, Rose began, “It’s hard to explain, but the Doctor… he’s commanding people to do things and they’re just… doing them. Jack couldn’t help it. He didn’t want to hurt me, but he… he was made to.” 

Ianto let that sink in. “But why would the Doctor do that? The way Jack always talks about him you’d think the guy was a God. From what I saw of him today, though-”

“He wouldn’t do this,” Rose assured him. “Not the normal Doctor, anyway. There’s something wrong with him. He was really sick for a while and now, for the last few days, he’s been unpredictable and… volatile,” she said, finding the right word. “I’ve seen him stare down Daleks and Cybermen before, but that’s nothing compared to the looks he’s given me lately. And as if an angry Time Lord isn’t scary enough, he’s now got this bloody ‘power’ and he doesn’t even realize he’s got it,” she explained. 

“Well, that explains a lot,” Ianto allowed. Leaning down, he began undoing the tie around Jack’s wrists. “After you and Jack left, the Doctor excused himself and we didn’t think much of it, but when he came back he flew off the handle. He was going on about how you’d betrayed him somehow and that no one ever listens to him. When I asked him to explain he told me to shut up and that he didn’t want to hear my voice again. So I stopped talking. I had more to say, but all of a sudden I couldn’t,” he recounted. 

Sitting up, Jack asked, “Where is he now?” 

“I don’t know,” he answered. 

“Wait,” Rose interrupted, “where are Gwen and… was it ‘Tosh’?”

Ianto’s eyes widened in frightened realization. “They’re gone. He told them to go with him.”

“Oh my god,” Rose breathed. “I have to find them. I have to get them away from him,” she said needlessly. Looking at the two men, she added, “I think I know where he’s headed. Where’s your equipment storage?”

“Down in the middle three sub-basements,” Jack supplied.

“Right. I’ll go check them out,” Rose informed them. “Stay here and when the girls come up, get out of here as fast as you can,” she directed.

“What? I’m not letting you go down there alone,” Jack informed her. “If he’s as looney as you say he is, you’ll need back-up.”

Rose shook her head. “For some reason his power doesn’t work on me. I don’t know why. I’d really hoped… I’d hoped it wouldn’t work on you either,” she admitted. “I thought maybe it didn’t work on me because I’d travelled through time with him or somethin’. But it looks like that’s not why. And now… god. I’ve gotten you all involved and someone else is gonna get hurt,” she lamented, biting her lip.

“Hey,” Jack said, moving closer to touch her arm. Without thought, she jerked back from his touch in an automatic, adrenaline fueled reaction. Jack pulled his hand back as if he’d been scalded. “Oh, god. I’m sorry,” he apologized.

Immediately Rose felt badly. “No, it’s okay,” she said, offering him an apologetic smile. “I… I think I just need some time,” she shared.

Nodding his understanding, he took a step back, unable to keep guilt and hurt from his eyes. “I, uh… I was going to say that I’m glad you came here, Rose. We’re friends. I’m always here if you need me.”

A larger wave of guilt flooded through her. He hadn’t wanted to do that to her. To hurt her. She knew that. But she hadn’t really considered that he was as much a victim as she’d been. He’d been forced to do something he didn’t want as much as she had. 

Taking a steady breath, she moved to stand in front of him and wrapped her arms around him. The tension in him melted slightly as her arms encircled him. Bringing his own arms up, he gingerly held her back. “I’m so sorry, Rose,” he said, planting a soft kiss in her hair. “I’d never hurt you on purpose. You know that,” he promised.

Pulling back, she looked up at the Doctor’s other victim and gave him an affectionate smile. “I know Jack. And I know you’re here for me. I’m just sorry you’re caught up in all of this,” she apologized, meaning it. “But I’m going to find your friends so you can get them out of here. I promise,” she pledged. “Now, I have to go.”

“I’m still not leaving you to go down there by yourself,” he informed her. “I’ll stay back - out of sight, if you want, but I can’t let you do this on your own.”

Rose sighed. She wasn’t going to talk him out of it and she knew it. “Alright. But don’t let him see you, yeah? We can’t risk him losing it all over again,” she warned.

“Yes, sir!” he smiled. Rose rolled her eyes. “Ianto, you stay here and wait for the girls to return, okay? Don’t come looking for us whatever you do,” he ordered.

Turning, she and Jack left the room. At least Ianto was gonna be alright. Now all they had to do now was find out if Jack actually had the device the Doctor was looking for, rescue the rest of Jack’s team, and subdue a demented Time Lord. Easy. 


	7. Nothing wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go friends! Enjoy!

### 

Heading to the nearest computer terminal, Jack keyed in something and waited impatiently for his search to yield results. “Aha!” he barked, poking the screen triumphantly before turning to Rose. “We actually _have_ a stream classifier,” he informed her. “That’s what he said he was needing for the TARDIS, right?”

“Yeah, that’s it,” she agreed, vaguely recalling the name. “So you’ve actually got one then?”

“Yup. So we have to get to sub-basement…” he paused, reading the screen, “...five, before he finds it,” he informed her. “Let’s go.”

Running to the lift, she and Jack climbed in and descended the many, many floors before it finally slowed to stop at the correct one. “Blimey - how deep down does this place go?” Rose asked, amazed at the scope of the place. 

“Honey, there are at least three more usable sub-floors and a couple more that we haven’t bothered accessing. It’s pretty incredible,” he allowed as the lift doors slid open.

Stepping out cautiously, Jack led them out into the dark, poorly lit storage space filled with row upon row of box-filled shelving. Barely breathing, Rose listened intently. Nothing. It was completely quiet. Relaxing slightly, she looked about again. “This place is bloody huge,” she commented quietly. “Where is this thing he wants?”

“This way,” Jack said, leading them off to the left and into an aisle marked ‘TT’ on a sign posted on its end.

“TT?” Rose asked as they made their way past shelves and shelves full of various sized boxes. 

“Time Travel,” Jack interpreted. “Some of it is actually useful, but most of it is experimental junk Torchwood has liberated from various ill-intentioned scientists over the years,” he explained. “Aha,” he said, coming to a stop in front of a small box aptly labelled, ‘Stream Classifier’. 

Flipping open the lid, Jack pulled out a hand sized, metal contraption lined with cogs. Several wire-like protrusions stuck out from both ends of it. “There it is. Not much to look at, is it?” Jack considered before stuffing it in the pocket of his trousers. 

“I think we need to get that thing somewhere the Doctor can’t get at it,” she said, nodding to his pocket. “If he sees you...”

“He won’t, Rosie, I promise,” Jack assured her. 

“Mmm,” Rose hummed doubtfully. “I still think-”

“Shhh,” Jack hushed urgently, putting a finger over her lips.

In the distance the sound of the lift opening made them both freeze. The Doctor’s slightly muffled voice floated over them. “I just don’t get it,” he was saying. “Jack’s a bloody tart! A… time hacking space trollop. What does she see in him? Tell me that,” he inadvertently commanded. 

Tosh responded. “Well, he _is_ a bit fit,” she allowed. “And those eyes…” she trailed off.

Beside her, Jack elbowed her lightly. “She thinks I’m fit,” he grinned.

Despite the situation, Rose couldn’t help but allow him a small grin back paired with a roll of her eyes. 

Gwen piped up then. “He’s a great snogger as well,” she put in. 

“Gwen!” Tosh’s alarmed voice responded.

Not sure why it was so bad Gwen knew this about him, she tossed Jack a look. An expression of mild guilt crossed his features and he shrugged. Ah. Married, then. Oh, Jack.

Edging to the end of the row with Jack directly behind her, Rose peeked around. Nothing. 

“I... I’m not sure why I said that,” Gwen admitted.

“Probably because he is,” the Doctor allowed. “Bloody hell,” he cussed. “I just… I thought she wanted to stay with me. She told me… I mean, she said she’d stay with me forever,” the Doctor replied, his emotional voice now sounding closer. 

“I’m sure she still does,” Tosh tried. “I mean - I know you think she and Jack are having a thing, but honestly, I just don’t see how,” she said carefully. “Jack has been with Torchwood here for a long time and I think one of us would’ve noticed if he just kept popping off all the time,” she reasoned.

Creeping from the end of one row to the next to peek down each, Rose finally came to the aisle the Doctor was perusing. He was standing still in front of a shelf, simply staring at it, hands in pockets. From where she stood she could see a tear glistening on his cheek. Her heart broke. Her poor Doctor. She so hated seeing him like this. The ‘real’ him was somewhere in there, probably screaming to get out. He needed help and she was the only one who was going to be able to get it for him. 

“I even told her I’d never leave her. That she was different…” he trailed off, a fresh tear trickling down his face. The pull to run to him and wrap her arms around him was almost overwhelming. She wanted nothing more at the moment than to look up into his eyes and tell him she’d never leave him. That she appreciated all he’d done for her and that no matter what, she was gonna get him well and stay with him always. 

Closing her eyes to overcome the urge, she took a steadying breath. This wasn’t him talking. This was the illness. This was his sick mind getting emotional about things he may not even really care about. 

“I just need that classifier,” he said, pulling her from her musing. Opening her eyes, she found his expression had changed to one of determination. “It’s the only way I can fix this.” Pulling his hands from his pockets, he opened the box directly in front of him. Apparently finding it lacking, he shoved it back on the shelf and grabbed the box beside it. “Blimey this place is rubbish. Has been since its inception!” Peering inside the box in his hands, his body tensed. “Somebody tell me how the hell you store things around here!” he demanded, thrusting the box in his hands back on the shelf.

“It’s according to category,” Gwen supplied without her own permission. “Time Travel would be under ‘TT’.”

Watching, Rose’s stomach tightened as the Doctor turned toward the stunned woman. “Are you telling me you knew the entire time where we should be looking and you never said?” he demanded. Gwen stood, looking at him wide-eyed. “Tell me!” he shouted. 

“Yes,” she replied simply, before pulling her hand immediately up to cover her mouth. 

Before her, the Doctor’s entire countenance seemed to vibrate. “Right. So this is the thanks I get for saving this miserable planet time after time? I need one bloody favour and you cretins won’t help? Well, you know what?”

Behind her Rose heard an audible ‘click’. Jack’s gun. 

The Doctor froze. Oh fuck. “Rose?” he called out. She and Jack both stood stock still. “Rose… if you’re here, come out,” he entreated. Then three dreaded words followed. “You too, Jack.”

No!

Beside her, Jack stood to his full height and made to move around her. Fuck! Turning toward him, she purposefully stood in his way. Looking down at her, he simply said, “Move.” 

Her heart tore in two. There was no way she was going to be able to stop him. Reaching into his trouser pocket, she pulled the classifier out. “I’m sorry, Jack,” she whispered as she stepped out of his way. She _knew_ he shouldn’t have come.

Walking around the corner, Rose watched as Jack headed down the aisle toward her Time Lord, his gun in hand. The look on the Doctor’s face would’ve been priceless if the situation weren’t deadly. “Blimey! All I have to do is ask, it seems,” he said, sounding completely amazed. 

“Doc, we need to talk,” Jack said, lifting the gun to aim it squarely at the Doctor’s chest as he continued pacing toward him. 

“Oh for gods’ sake, Jack. Drop the bloody gun,” he said. With that, the weapon plunked to the ground at Jack’s feet as he came to a stop a few feet from the Doctor. 

The Doctor blinked. Ohhhhh no. No no nononono…

Suddenly intrigued, the Doctor’s eyes narrowed. Studying Jack for a moment, he said evenly, “Sit down on the floor and concentrate on exactly what I’m saying,” he insisted, pointing to a spot on the ground in front of him.

To the Doctor’s obvious amazement, Jack did as he was told. Planting himself at the Doctor’s feet where he’d directed him to sit, Jack sat, looking up at the Doctor expectantly. 

“Ha!” he barked out an incredulous laugh. “Look at that!” he said turning to the girls. They did.

Another sickening laugh escaped him. “You’re doing it! You’re… you’re all doing what I tell you to!” he marvelled. Then, with clear purpose, he moved to stand in front of Tosh. She looked terrified. “Kiss me.” It was a test. Oh god.

Without apparent thought, Tosh reached up to wrap her arms around the Time Lord’s neck and pulled him down to her lips. 

Pain tore at Rose’s chest as she watched the Doctor take full advantage. Finally, letting her go, he backed away from the woman he’d just assaulted. “You listened to me,” he said, a wide grin finding his lips.

“Yes,” Tosh agreed, her eyes wide in fright. 

“Ha!” the Doctor barked again, marvelling in the revelation. Then a particularly frightening look crossed his features. Turning, he focused his attention on Gwen who had slowly been inching her way toward the gun on the floor.

“STOP!” he commanded. She did. Rose watched as his entire body tensed. “What were you going to do with that?” he asked. “Tell me!” 

“I was going to stop you,” she answered honestly.

“Stop me?!” he said, incredulously. “From doing what? What exactly am I doing that’s so bad? I’m trying to fix just one of the many many things in my life I’ve… that I’ve buggered up,” he said, his voice tightening with emotion. 

“Look,” Gwen said softly, “Maybe if you tell us what you’re trying to fix we can help, yeah?”

The Doctor scoffed. “You don’t want to help me,” he stated, anger once again taking hold. “You just want to get rid of me. You, Jack… Torchwood… if you had your way I’d be dead right now,” he observed. “You don’t care about me. Or Rose.”

“We do care,” Tosh put in. “And I think… I think _you_ care too. About us. About Rose. You’re just… from what we’ve been told… this isn’t like you, Doctor. You’ve saved the earth so many times. You’ve helped whole civilizations. And this… the way you are right now… it just doesn’t seem like you,” she tried. Rose watched as the Doctor’s eyes narrowed and he drew his hands up to massage his temples. Was Tosh actually getting through to him?

“We will help you, Doctor. Let’s just talk about it and we can figure out a way to get you some help, yeah?” Gwen added.

Oh no. Wrong tact. Before her, a sneer replaced the thoughtful look on the Doctor’s face. “There’s nothing wrong with me,” he said tightly. Staring at the two women, he shook his head in disgust before throwing his head back. “THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH ME!” he shouted, his arms raised as if entreating the universe to believe him. 

Oh god. This was not going to end well. She had to stop this. She had to distract him. 

Turning to the box on the shelf beside her, she purposefully tipped it off. The thud of the container and the clatter of its contents spilling onto the floor immediately silenced the group on the other side of the isle. Taking that as her signal, Rose took off at a run toward the lift. Doing her best to focus only on making it to the elevator rather than on the surprised shouts behind her, she pushed herself forward, moving as quickly as she could, diving to press the button to summon the lift before she heard the Doctor bark, “Rose! Come back here!” 

Thanking every single deity she’d ever met that his power didn’t work on her, she jumped into the lift as it opened and poked fervently at the ‘M’ button. Too slowly the doors slid closed as she heard the Doctor shout, “Stop her!”

Closing completely, the car slowly made it’s way upward. She had to get out of here. Out of Torchwood. The Doctor knew now. He knew he could control them. Now her main goal had to be to get rid of this device so the Doctor wouldn’t be able to find it. But how? If she hid it, he’d figure out a way to pull the information from her. Then she had an idea. It was a long shot, but it might work.

The lift dinged her arrival at the hub and before the doors even fully opened she darted out and down the hall toward the entry she and the Doctor had taken to get in here earlier. 

“Rose!” she heard as she sprinted toward the round door. Spinning around, she found Ianto running toward her. “This way,” he shouted, gesturing for her to follow. She wasn’t sure where he was wanting to lead her, but she had to get out of here. As if he’d read her mind, he added, “There’s another way out - faster!” he insisted, more fervently waving her over. 

Dashing to meet him, Rose ran with him toward a square platform in the centre of the hub. Standing with him on it, she waited tensely for a moment before it began ascending. 

“Where are they?” Ianto asked. 

“Coming,” she puffed. “He knows, Ianto,” she warned. “He’s figured it out. Jack, Gwen and Tosh are all under his control now. I’ve got the thing he was looking for for the TARDIS and he’ll know that by now, so hopefully he’ll leave you alone. But you should get out of here just in case,” she advised as they reached the top and the roof above them opened up to lift them to ground level in front of the Cardiff Bay Water Feature. 

“Don’t worry about me,” he assured her. “Just make sure he doesn’t get what he was looking for. I’ll do what I can from my end to slow them down.”

Turning fully to him, she insisted, “No. You have to stay out of his way or you’ll just end up like the rest of them. I swear I’ll do everything I can to get the others away from him, okay? Trust me,” she begged. She had no idea how she was going to be able to do that, but having one more person to rescue in the end wasn’t going to help. 

Nodding gravely, he replied, “Alright. Just… be careful,” he insisted. 

“I will,” she promised, giving him her best reassuring smile. Turning, she took off running.


	8. Invasion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things start getting intense...

### 

The trek back to the TARDIS was a tense one as Rose darted around people out strolling, obliviously enjoying the last of the daylight. Despite the fact that her lungs were now burning, she knew she dare not slow. He’d know where she was headed and it would be so far beyond bad if he caught up before she got there. 

Finally reaching the park, she found the TARDIS where they’d left it, nestled against some trees, being thoroughly ignored by passers by. Darting to the doors, she pulled her key out from under her hoodie and slotted it in the hole. Throwing the door open, she dove inside and slammed it behind her. Immediately her mind was assailed with worry. The TARDIS. 

“It’s okay, old girl,” she offered, darting up the ramp. “I’ve got it. That thing he was talking about that’d make you help him,” she elaborated, pulling it out of her pocket as evidence. “But now I need your help, yeah? I need to hide it somehow. And I know this sounds barmy, but I can’t know where,” she explained. “I thought maybe you could, I don’t know… let me put it in a room and then, like, move the room somewhere?” It was a long shot, but she figured if there was anyone… anything that could help, it’d be the Doctor’s brilliant ship. 

A sad sort of wave pushed through her mind. Damn. She’d hoped maybe… 

Before her a screen lit up above the console. Moving closer she studied it. A video of the Doctor standing about where she was right now. “There we go! Media room next to the kitchen. Brilliant!” his recorded voice was expounding. 

For a moment Rose lost herself in the video, watching his face as he poked at buttons and turned dials. He looked so happy. So normal. A sadness pushed through her with the thought. He was so NOT either of those things right now. 

The video shut off, pulling her back to reality. Right. The TARDIS was trying to tell her he could command her to move the room wherever he wanted. All he’d have to do is make her tell him which room she’d put it in. She wasn’t planning to tell him, of course, but clearly the TARDIS thought he’d get the information from her somehow whether she liked it or not. That thought made her shiver. 

Maybe she just needed to leave? Run away with the device? But then no one would be able to keep an eye on him. She was the only one (that she knew of) who wasn’t susceptible to his ‘power’. Damn it!

Before her, the screen lit up again. This time there was an image of a map. Staring up at it, she tried to make sense of the boxes and streets between them. No. Not streets. Halls. This was the TARDIS! A green flashing light pulsed at a location very close to another blinking spot on the map. She was supposed to find it - this room the TARDIS was showing her. Brilliant! Maybe the TARDIS knew a way to hide the room so he couldn’t find it after all!

Looking closely, she figured out how to get from the first blinking light, which appeared the be the console room, to her intended destination. Taking off quickly, she headed in the direction the TARDIS had indicated, coming to a skidding stop in front of a room that looked to be the one the ship had shown her. Opening the door, she peeked in. 

She had to admit that what she saw was not what she’d expected at all. It was a bedroom. A single bed, a simple desk, a chair and a bookshelf filled the relatively small space. A large star chart filled the grey-white wall above the desk. A number of knick-knacks lined the surface of the desk itself, with one especially unusual one - a gold and blue star missing one arm - seemingly showcased under a lit lamp. Papers inked with what looked like complicated math equations were strewn across the surface of the workspace, giving the impression that someone had left them in a hurry. The bed was covered imprecisely with a cream coloured blanket and grey pillow. No dust lined the surfaces. If she didn’t know better, she’d have never guessed this room wasn’t currently occupied. 

A niggle of worry prodding her mind reminded her she had to get moving. Right. Hide the stream… thingy. 

Looking about, she decided that behind a couple of books on the bookshelf was as good a hiding place as any. Placing it there, she carefully replaced a fat book on… blimey. ‘Physical Maths and Application to Non-physical Realms’. Clearly this wasn’t the room of anyone she knew.

With that done, she stood tall and took a deep breath. Now what? The TARDIS clearly hadn’t been content earlier with her simply hiding the device. Moving into the hallway, she was surprised to find the door of the room opposite was wide open. The infirmary. Wow. It never ceased to amaze her how the TARDIS could simply move rooms around so quickly. “I’m guessing you want me to go in?” she said, squinting up at the ceiling.

A warm feeling rippled through her mind. Yup, she’d guessed right. But what was she gonna do in there? Well, whatever idea the TARDIS had, it was better than the non-existent plan she had, and time was running out.

Following the TARDIS’s wishes, she crossed the hall to the infirmary, wondering what the ship could be planning that would involve medical equipment of any kind. Then a thought occurred to her. Maybe the TARDIS thought she had a cure for whatever it was the Doctor had! Oh god - that would be brilliant! 

Unbidden, hope shot through her. A cure for whatever was wrong with him! Would this power be ‘cured’ too? That would be the best case scenario, obviously. But then, if the Doctor was back to himself, at least she wouldn’t have to worry about him purposefully harming anyone just ‘cause he’d blown a gasket. She knew she was getting ahead of herself, but she couldn’t push back the rising excitement. 

Looking around the space for a sign of whatever the TARDIS had in mind, her eyes immediately fell on a lab chair in the middle of room. Above it, a helmet sort of contraption swung slightly by wires connecting it to the ceiling. 

“Is that for the Doctor?” she asked aloud. But how was she going to have him willingly sit there?

A negative ripple of pressure waved through her mind. No. Not for him. “It’s for me?” she said, with not a small bit of surprise.

Affirmation brightened her consciousness. Right. For her, then. For what, though?

Suddenly, the lights dimmed around her and a wave of alarm pushed through her mind. Oh god. He was coming. That must be it. 

Without thinking, she jumped into the chair and pulled the helmet down over her head, fastening the strap under her chin. Staying still in case she accidentally jogged the device currently attached to her cranium, she clutched the arms of the chair. Before she even had a moment to contemplate what the TARDIS might be up to, a buzz seemed to fill her mind rather than her ears, and an uncomfortable sensation of tightness gripped her head making her squeeze her eyes shut tight. An audible whimper escaped her as the pressure increased, making her anxiety spike. What if it didn’t stop?

Inside her mind, a blissful sort of ‘pop’ occurred, and with it, the constricting feeling disappeared and a wash of dizziness rolled through her. Once again holding on to the arms of the chair, but this time out of a need to feel grounded, she kept her eyes closed until the feeling passed. 

Blinking them open, she looked around. The infirmary. Why was she here? Becoming aware of the fact she was wearing a helmet of some kind, she reached up and undid it, pulling it off her head as she stood to let it swing from the ceiling.

Blimey - what’d happened? Trying to recall how she’d gotten here, she thought back to…

Oh god - the Doctor! He’d been chasing her back to the TARDIS. She had the device he needed! Frantically patting her pockets, she found she no longer had it. Fuck. Where was it?! Had she dropped it?

Stumbling out into the corridor, she tried to recall how she could’ve lost it. Maybe it’d fallen out of her hoodie pocket on the way to the infirmary? But she remembered pulling it out of her pocket when she’d entered the TARDIS...

Darting down the halls, she kept her eyes down on the floor, hoping the device would simply show up magically in front of her. What were the chances though? Surely she would’ve noticed the fist sized metallic thing falling from her hands and clunking to the ground. But… she had no recollection of any such event. In fact, she had no recollection of anything past entering the TARDIS. Keeping her eyes peeled anyway out of the faintest hope, she finally spotted the orange glow of the console room filtering into the hallway up ahead. Maybe she’d left it on the console by accident? 

She was almost there when she stopped dead. “So bloody pompous; think you know everything. How _dare_ you even presume to know about me. Or Rose. You don’t know me or what I need. You don’t know what the universe needs. All you think about is saving your own skins,” the Doctor said even as the sound of his footsteps poundedup the grated ramp. Suddenly they stopped. “You know what? I don’t need this. I don’t need you. Either of you. Go back to Torchwood and forget you were ever here,” she heard the Doctor command from somewhere near the console. “Uh uh,” he tutted. “Not you, Jack. You’re staying with me,” he intoned. The doors slammed shut then. Damn it! 

Pressing herself up against the wall just outside the room, Rose tried to calm herself down. As much as she was silently celebrating Tosh and Gwen’s apparent freedom, she was more focused on the device. If she’d left it out there he’d find it any minute and they’d be screwed. 

From the other room she heard the Doctor’s long coat rustling as he made his way around the console. “Sit down until I think of what to do with you,” he directed, sounding thoroughly irritated. Oh god - poor Jack. He had to be terrified. 

“Rose!” she heard him bellow. Pasting herself even more flush against the wall, she held her breath. “I know you’re here,” he said, clearly assuming she was within earshot. “And I know you have the classifier,” he added.

A wave a relief spilled through her on hearing the words. So he hadn’t found it out there. Considering he’d likely have seen it if she’d left it on the console, there was a good chance it wasn’t out there.

“You’re only postponing the inevitable, you know,” he said, his voice sounding closer. “And you’re doing nothing but making things difficult. You see? This is part of the problem, right here. You don’t _listen_. Even when everyone else does for some reason, you _still_ can’t do it,” he sighed, sounding impatient. 

His voice was now close. He was going to see her any moment. But what should she do? Run? But where? And to what end? Whatever was happening, she wasn’t going to solve the problem by running away from him. It seemed, at least for now, he didn’t have the classifier, and that was the biggest relief. The second part of her mission, though, was to save the Doctor from this illness. She had to somehow convince him to try to help himself. To get him to the infirmary so the TARDIS could do a full work-up. It was the only solution she could see. 

Stealing herself, she took a bold step out into the open. The Doctor stopped in his tracks only a few feet from her, his eyes wide. “Well, that’s unexpected,” he admitted, a crooked smile finding his lips. “What? Coming to your senses now, then?” he pressed.

“I… I have to talk to you,” she proposed.

“Talk. You have to talk,” he said incredulously, his jaw dropping slightly. “I thought we’d just established that the problem is that you don’t know how to _listen_ ,” he pointed out, shaking his head in disbelief. “You need to do as you’re told and give me the bloody Stream Classifier,” he demanded. 

“I don’t have it,” she said honestly.

“You… you don’t _have_ it?” he said, his disbelief evident.

“No. I lost it,” she said calmly.

The Doctor stared at her in amazement. “You can’t possibly expect me to believe that,” he stated. “So - you’re saying you took the device you _knew_ I needed and just… dropped it somewhere?”

“I’m not lying, Doctor. I don’t know where it is,” she admitted.

The Doctor’s jaw tensed and he stalked forward to stand inches from her. “Then you’ll not mind if I search you,” he stated.

Rose swallowed. “No. Go ahead,” she replied, lifting her hands up in her well-practiced ‘surrender’ pose. Reaching out, the Doctor patted her sides and reached in her hoodie and trouser pockets finding nothing. “I’m telling the truth, Doctor,” she reiterated.

The man before her actually growled then, grabbing her hard by the upper arms. “Where did you put it!” he demanded. “TELL ME!”

“Ow! Doctor, you’re hurting me,” she said as his fingers dug painfully into her arms. 

“I wouldn’t have to if you’d Just. Fucking. Tell me!” he shouted, not letting go. He was vibrating with anger, his jaw clenched tight and his eyes wild. 

“I can’t! I can’t tell you, Doctor! I don’t know where it is, I swear!” she squeaked back.

Pushing her back with some force, the Doctor’s hands flew to his hair so he was pulling at it fiercely. “Fuck, Rose! What do I have to do?! Why can’t you just do as you’re told like everyone else,” he said, his expression pained. “Of all people in the Universe I need on my side here, it’s you. And instead you’re blocking me at every turn,” he lamented. 

Rubbing her arms, she screwed up her courage. “I _am_ on your side,” she stated. “I’m always on your side, Doctor. You know that. Somewhere inside your head you must know that,” she entreated. His brows furrowed in response as he stared at her intensely. He didn’t seem about to reply, so she continued, “I just… I think there’s something going on. This power… you have to know it’s not right. It’s not normal, yeah?” The man before her pulled his hands up to massage his temples. Maybe she was getting through? Pressing ahead she added, “You’re hurting people, Doctor. I know you don’t mean to. You’d never hurt anyone on purpose. Not when… when you’re healthy,” she bravely put in. 

“Rose… I think… I don’t know…” he trailed off, looking confused.

She was starting to get through to him. She could feel it. Pressing bravely ahead, she tried, “Look… I’m really worried about you, yeah? Can we please take you to the infirmary? Just get the TARDIS to do a few scans or whatever, yeah? See if she can figure out what’s wrong, you know?”

“The infirmary?” he asked.

“Yeah. And… and if the TARDIS says there’s nothing wrong, I promise I’ll help you, okay? I swear, Doctor… I only want to make sure you’re alright,” she all but begged.

“But I’m fine, Rose,” he replied simply. “I think I’m fine. I mean… I just keep getting these headaches,” he admitted, squinting his eyes closed for a moment. 

“But don’t you see? Time Lords don’t get headaches very often, yeah? At least, you’ve never told me you’ve had one before,” she pointed out. “Isn’t there even a small chance there could be something wrong? What does it hurt to check?” she posited.

“I… I guess…” he trailed off again, now looking more disoriented.

A faint glow of hope bloomed in her chest with the words. “Come on. Let’s go and check it out. I’m sure it won’t take long,” she assured him.

“You’ll come with me?” he asked, actually sounding nervous.

“Of course,” she promised, approaching him and gently threading her arm through his. “Let’s go.”

To Rose’s amazement, he allowed himself to be led down the hall toward the infirmary. The hope she’d begun to feel, possibly naively, began to build. If the TARDIS could _show_ him there was something wrong with him, he might be able to be convinced to help himself. 

“Am I a good person, Rose?” he asked, his voice small. Looking up, she found his expression pained. 

“Of course you are,” she answered without pause. “Of course, Doctor. Why do you ask?” she asked tentatively, hoping she wasn’t inviting another crazy mood swing.

“I don’t know. I just… sometimes I wonder. I didn’t used to. Think I was a good person, that is. I knew I wasn’t,” he shared. “But then I met you.”

Looking up at him, she found his eyes staring unapologetically into her own. Unbidden, her stomach tightened pleasantly, even though she wished it hadn’t. The chances he actually meant anything he was saying were pretty slim. “I think you’ve always been a good person, Doctor. You just had trouble seeing it,” she offered, meaning it.

“Until I met you,” he reiterated. 

A sad smile formed on her lips despite the circumstances. “You just needed to hear it more,” she assured him, squeezing his arm in support. 

“No. It’s not just that. I’m not really a good person. Not really. But at least now I think there’s hope for me. I never had that before you,” he insisted. “And now… now I know what I need to do to make it up to you,” he shared, his voice taking on an edge of hardness.

Oh no. “Well, let’s just get you looked at first, yeah?” she insisted, having a bad feeling about where this conversation was headed.

Shaking his head slightly, his brows furrowed. “But Rose, don’t you see?” he said, stopping to turn toward her. “I’m just putting it off. You’re trying to make me put it off. But… this can’t wait anymore,” he said, more determinedly. “I need to make this right. All of it.” With that, he cupped her face. “So I need you to tell me where you put the classifier now. I’ve let this go on too long now and it’s time we just face facts, Rose. Things have to change.”

Searching his face for any semblance of himself, she stared into his ancient eyes and willed herself to contact even a sliver of his sanity. “Doctor, I know you can hear me. I know you know you’re not yourself. Please, please let’s find out what’s wrong with you,” she begged.

For a moment he simply stared back, cradling her face gently, and for one glorious moment she thought she’d managed to contact him in there. Her hope was short lived. “I didn’t want to have to do this, Rose, but you’re leaving me no choice,” he sighed, appearing truly saddened. “You’ll forgive me one day. At least I know that now,” he promised. 

With that, he closed his eyes and the long fingers that’d been so sweetly touching her cheeks, pushed hard against her skin. “I’m so sorry, Rose,” he said again. 

Terrifyingly, she felt her body still and the tendrils of his mind slip into her own. Oh god! What was he doing?! In a panic, she felt herself scramble to turn off her mind to him; to try to slam her consciousness closed so he couldn’t find a way in. It was futile, of course. He was a telepath and she was… nothing. Human. Her brain was pea-sized compared to his. Despite that, though, she tried her damnedest to hold him at bay. 

“Rose - what are you doing?” he asked, sounding astonished. Trying to ignore the words, she concentrated on imagining herself in a solid fortress. Nothing could get in or out. Nothing could get in or out. Nothing could get-

A forceful punch of pressure pushed into her skull, then, making her cry out. 

“This wouldn’t hurt if you’d just let me in, you know,” he said, sounding a trifle impatient.

Redoubling her efforts, she called on all her mental reserves to fortify her mental barriers… ones she didn’t even know she actually had until now. And for a moment it felt like it was working, until a stabbing pain pulled the breath from her lungs. A dagger had pierced her skull; she was sure of it. Positive blood must be pouring from her ears, she felt her hands come up to push on either side of her head to try to contain the flow. 

“That’s it,” the Doctor breathed, apparently content with the proceedings now. “Just try to relax, Rose,” he advised as his mind effortlessly slipped through her own, pooling in various memories and corners of her mind only to recede and do the same in others. 

She was only barely aware of her physical body now. It was amazing to her that she was still standing. Or at least she thought she was. Everything seemed… distant. Not real. And as the unwelcome exploration of her mind continued, she found it not unpleasant. His consciousness was gentle in her mind. Almost soothing. Welcome. 

“Damn it,” he growled, making something inside her alert again. The Doctor. In her mind. He shouldn’t… shouldn’t be in there. Vaguely aware that she should be trying to stop him, she considered trying to fight it, but simply couldn’t summon the will power or energy. 

“Where is it?!” his voice said tensely as she felt his mind slide more frantically from one memory to the next. “It’s here. It must be,” he insisted.

Then she felt his consciousness pause its exploration of her mind. “What. What?!” he expounded. A pressure suddenly built up in one precise spot. “What the hell have you done, Rose?!”

Hearing her name being called, she alerted further. What had she done? 

“FUCK!” he bellowed. With that, a fierce pulling sensation filled her head accompanied by a sharp sucking pain. All strength left her body leaving gravity to yank her downward. Flopping bonelessly down to the ground, she barely registered the contact as her brain continued to pound in her head. 

“AAAARGH!” the Doctor raged, stomping back and forth in front of her. “That’s it! That’s it, you bloody insolent ship…” he hollered before pounding his fists on a nearby coral strut, letting out a furious cry.

Fists clenched, he stepped back from the wall after a few moments, his chest heaving. Watching from her spot on the floor, Rose opened her mouth to try to call to him, but found herself unable to form words. Instead, only a string of mumbled sounds exited her mouth. What?! Trying to sit up, she found she couldn’t. A thrill of fear shot through her. She couldn’t move. Oh god.

Looking down at her, the fury he’d unleashed a moment ago seemed to ebb and a sorry smile formed on his lips. “You probably won’t be able to move or talk well for a while,” he informed her, his voice now oddly gentle. “I had to move things around in there a bit to find what I was looking for, you see,” he explained. Kneeling down beside her, he studied her for a moment. “Gods. I can’t believe you’d go to that length to hurt me.” Sorrow filled his features. “That you’d be so petty. So callous. But it’s to be expected, I suppose. I wronged you and now you’re angry. I would be too,” he said, tenderly pushing a tendril of hair from her forehead. “So many things, Rose. So many things I’ve mucked up. Gods. I’m amazed you’ve stayed with me as long as you have,” he said, his eyes actually welling up. “You’ve put up with more than you ever should have. My selfish thoughtlessness, my need to feel important, my denial… it’s too much. Too much,” he concluded. 

The Doctor’s fingers continued to stroke her hair as she lay helpless at his feet. It was so tender… so gentle. How could he have hurt her like he just had and then be so oblivious to the pain he’d just caused? A stab of hurt pierced her heart with the thought. Was he even in there anymore? Her Doctor? The one she could trust. The one she… the one she loved. If he was anywhere inside the man that now stood over her, he surely would’ve tried to stop himself from violating her so thoroughly. He would’ve made himself stop. Unbidden, despair gripped her and her eyes filled with tears.

“Don’t cry,” the Doctor’s voice entreated, his finger running softly over her cheek, collecting a tear that had escaped her. “I can’t stand it - knowing I caused you pain,” he said, moisture now skating down his own face. “You mean everything to me, Rose, and instead of proving that to you I betrayed your trust,” he said, shaking his head in disgust. “I was so frightened. So selfish. I asked her to travel with us to prove to myself that you weren’t special to me. I was lying to myself, of course. I knew you meant more to me than anyone else I’d ever travelled with, but… well, let’s just say that I was in denial,” he admitted. 

Rose’s eyes widened. Was he saying…

“All I’ve done is mess everything up, and now you don’t trust me. You probably can’t wait to get away from me,” he stated.

Opening her mouth, Rose found that even if she could say something, she had no idea what it would be. At the moment he wasn’t wrong. She did want to get away from him. But this wasn’t him. This was the mysterious illness. She didn’t want to get away from her Doctor. She never would.

“Don’t try to talk,” he advised, running his hand along the side of her face. “I’m sorry you felt you had to let the TARDIS do this to you, but soon it won’t matter,” he said cryptically. Sighing, he stood. “Soon none of this will matter.” With that, the man who used to be her Doctor stood and walked out of the infirmary.


	9. Assault

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I've had a very hard week. My muse, therefore, has decided to take it out on you. Know that I had little to say about it. (I wonder if the fact my muse seems to be growing a personality should be frightening me...). Anyway, here you go :).

### 

Rose lay helpless on the floor in the infirmary, mentally replaying the last interaction with the Doctor over and over in her mind, despite the fact she wished she could forget the entire ordeal. Her head still ached fiercely after the mental assault he’d inflicted. He’d been inside her head… rummaging through her memories as if they were meaningless… sifting through her private thoughts and dreams. And now he’d seen… what? Had he seen what she thought of him? How she felt about him? Or… god forbid… memories of her, er… evenings alone in her room thinking about him? The thought was beyond mortifying. The very idea made her feel so… violated. It was almost like when Cassandra had taken over her mind, but this was so much worse. This had been conducted by a man she’d trusted with her life. And god, it hurt. Emotionally and physically.

And this was all because he was sure she had the device. But of course she didn’t. She’d bloody lost it, hadn’t she? And then _he’d_ figuratively lost it when he’d discovered… what had he discovered, exactly? She hadn’t understood why he’d been so angry. What had he said again? That she’d ‘let the TARDIS do this’ to her. Let the TARDIS do what, though? 

Ow. Thinking about it made her head hurt even more. Blimey. If she could even just rub her temples it might help, but at the moment all she could move were her eyes and jaw. It was beyond frustrating and not a little frightening feeling so completely helpless. 

Closing her eyes, she tried to focus on moving her hand. Even just one finger. Pushing all her effort into focusing on her right index, she willed it to curl. 

And it did. Slowly - but it did.

Relief slid through her. Thank-god. She was about to try moving a finger on her other hand when she heard voices. 

“...against you. We’re on your side, Doc, I swear,” Jack’s voice floated down the hall. “You can trust us. Me, Rose...We’re practically family,” he was saying.

“So you point guns at family members then?” the Doctor’s tight voice asked. Rose could practically see his jaw tighten.

“You know that was only because you had the girls, Doc. I’m responsible for the safety of my team. I needed you to let them go. That’s all,” he assured him.

“Of course. It had nothing to do with me getting the stream classifier, then,” the Doctor said, his voice sounding closer. Out of the corner of her eye, Rose spotted movement by the door.

A loud gasp filled her ears before Jack’s startled voice barked, “Oh my god! What the hell did you do?!” In moments, he was by her side, lifting her head into his lap. 

“She’s fine,” the Doctor said, brushing Jack off as he walked past him into the room toward a cupboard on the far side. “She’d be better if she hadn’t let the TARDIS do this to her, though,” he stated. 

“Rosie, are you okay?” Jack said, looking into her eyes. Opening her mouth, a nonsensical stream of sounds came dribbling out. Worry filled Jack’s features.

“She can’t answer you right now,” the Doctor supplied, now rummaging inside a drawer.

“God, Rosie, I’m so sorry,” he said quietly, adding, “This wasn’t the TARDIS, though,” he guessed. Willing her head to move, she felt the tiniest response of the muscles in her neck - enough to move her head very slightly to the left. “It’s okay. I get it,” he assured her. It wasn’t the TARDIS.

“Pick her up and put her on the table, will you, Jack?” the Doctor requested from across the room, clearly knowing now that his words had weight.

Laying Rose’s head gently back on the ground, Jack knelt to manipulate her into his arms. “I’m sorry, Rosie,” he apologized again. Wishing she could help, or get up, or do _anything_ but lie limply in his arms, Rose felt her head loll back and her view of the room flipped to one more upside down as Jack stood. In moments she felt the cool surface of the bed under her. 

“Thanks,” the Doctor supplied, moving over to join them. 

“Not like I had a choice, Doc,” Jack replied coldly.

The Doctor looked at him with a quirked eyebrow. “Look, Jack. I think I’m being pretty understanding, seeing as you were pointing a weapon at me earlier. So I suggest you watch your tongue,” he advised.

Immediately, Jack stuck his tongue out of his mouth as far as he could and crossed his eyes in an effort to focus them on the protruding organ.

The Doctor blinked a couple of times before a raucous laugh escaped him. “Oh my gods! Rose, look at this!” he shrieked. Fits of giggles overcame him, making him double over in mirth and every time they began to trail off he’d catch another eye full of Jack’s earnest attempts to ‘keep an eye on his tongue’ and the laughter would begin anew. 

Watching from the table, Rose had to admit that if the situation were different, she’d probably be giggling herself. Jack _did_ look ridiculous. Of course, it was likely he was actually beginning to be quite uncomfortable with the effort he was making and Rose wished she could say something to get the Doctor to make him stop.

It seemed, though, that the Doctor had finally had enough of a laugh at Jack’s expense, because after a long, drawn out sigh, he said, “Alright Jack. Enough of that. Put your tongue back in your mouth.” 

Quickly, Jack’s eyes uncrossed and he closed his mouth, his face reddening. 

“Well that was a pleasant diversion, but I have to get to work,” the Doctor said, more to himself than to anyone in the room, it seemed. Seemingly noticing Jack hadn’t moved, he added, “Sit down over there, Jack. Take a load off.” Doing as he was told, Jack headed over the lab chair the Doctor had indicated and sat down. Rose could feel his anxiety from where she lay. She didn’t have much time to consider that, though before the Doctor blocked her view of the Time Agent. 

Pulling over a metal tray table so it was close to her bed, he opened a drawer on the side of it and pulled out a small tube. Twisting the cap of it off, he squeezed out some clear liquid onto the tips of his fingers and reached out toward Rose’s forehead. Heart racing, she watched helplessly as his jelly coated fingers moved toward her hairline. “This won’t hurt, Rose,” he assured her. 

Panic rose in her as his fingers neared. He was going to do it again! Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried to brace herself. To her immense relief, though, all he did was rub the jelly on her skin. The substance he smoothed on was cool and wet. 

Grabbing up a towel, the Doctor wiped his hands and then reached into his pocket to extract a small semicircular contraption. 

An audible gasp sounded from behind the Doctor. “What’re you doing with that?” Jack asked, clearly alarmed. Immediately Rose’s blood froze.

“I have to find that classifier, Jack. I’m not happy about how I have to find out where it is, but I have no choice. I’ve got to get past the walls the TARDIS managed to put up in Rose’s mind, and this is the only way I can do it,” he explained, picking up his sonic and aiming it at the device in his hand. The room filled with the familiar whir as the Doctor tweaked the contraption.

Focusing, Rose put all her effort into turning her head fully in Jack’s direction. Finally, her eyes meeting his, she saw the fear in them. “Doc, I don’t mean to be a party pooper or anything, but isn’t there a chance the TARDIS is right? I mean, she’s gone to serious lengths to make sure you don’t find this thing. She might know something you don’t. That’s possible, right?” he tried. 

The Doctor only shook his head, not taking his eyes from the device he was fiddling with. “My ship is being a belligerent child, Jack. I know what I’m doing. I know my plan isn’t without risks, but the best things in the universe are worth a risk or two,” he said, now raising his eyes to meet Jack’s. “And what I have planned is worth everything. Everything.”

“What could be worth endangering Rose’s life?” Jack demanded, his voice hard. “Because that’s what you’re doing here, Doc,” he said, nodding toward the contraption in the Doctor’s hands. “She doesn’t have the underlying telepathic abilities to withstand what you’re planning. That thing will fry her brain!”

“I’m not an idiot, Jack,” the Doctor replied, his words clipped. “I’ve recalculated the telepathic feed to adjust for her brain’s capabilities.” The whir of his sonic filled the air once more. “What I’m doing will make put things right. Now be quiet for a minute so I can concentrate,” he said, his words barely carrying over the sound of the screwdriver. 

Jack’s eyes found hers again, and this time they were fully clouded with worry. He was properly terrified, which did nothing to calm her fears. Whatever this object was, Jack had seen it at work before and hadn’t been impressed. 

Finally, apparently pleased enough with the modifications he’d made, the Doctor leaned in over Rose, gently taking her face in his hand to turn her head slightly. “There we go,” he said gently once her face was turned toward him. Her field of view suddenly filled with the device as he lowered it onto her forehead. 

“Nooooooo-” she managed to moan as he pressed something on the side of the device that made it hum. “Doooon-”

A look of sympathy coloured the Doctor’s features then. “I’m sorry, Rose. I wish you hadn’t done this. You’ve left me no choice now,” he said, obviously feeling badly.

“Doc - don’t do this. Please,” Jack put in, his ‘minute’ of quiet apparently over. Rose whimpered again in anxiety and fear the Doctor’s his fingers moved to touch her temples. 

“Gods, Jack! Could you shut up just for five minutes!” the Doctor shouted at him before looking back down at Rose. Taking a deep breath, he said more calmly, “Now, this is going to hurt, Rose. I’m not going to lie.” 

“Pleeeease…” she managed, a frightened tear escaping the corner of her eye.

Pain and frustration seemed to cross his features then as he studied her face. “Damn it,” he said through gritted teeth. “Why did you make me do this?” 

“D-Doctor,” she tried again, entreating him with her eyes as much as her voice.

“I’m sorry, Rose.”

With that, he pushed his fingers to her temples and tore open her mind.

 

OoOoOoOoOoO

 

The cry of anguish that ripped from Rose’s throat was enough to make Jack tear up. Across the room one of his best mates was being tortured… possibly killed… by someone she’d trusted for so so long. What was happening before his eyes was beyond reason.

Pushing himself, he tried to overcome the desire his body had to stay seated and quiet, but no matter how hard he attempted to reason with himself, he couldn’t get himself to move.

Rose continued to scream as the Doctor hovered over her; his eyes closed in concentration and his fingers pushed into her temples. Her cries seemed to go on and on… it was unfiltered anguish. Suddenly, after what felt like hours, Jack felt something release and the words he’d been wanting to shout poured from him, “Stop! You’re killing her!” 

Impossibly then, things got worse. Rose stopped screaming. “DOC! STOP!” Jack demanded.

The look of concentration on the Doctor’s face didn’t falter despite Jack’s pleas. A moment later, Rose’s body arched up off the bed; every muscle taut. 

“Aha!” the Doctor shouted in triumph. Pulling his hands away from Rose’s temples, the Doctor backed away from her and her body slumped back down onto the bed. “I’ve got it! I know where it is,” he said, grinning widely before darting a look at Jack. The look of triumph quickly morphed into one of bitterness. She put it in the one place she knew I’d avoid looking. “Stay here,” he instructed before heading for the door.

“Doc!” Jack shouted before the Doctor could disappear. “I need to get up - I need to check on Rose,” he said, aware that he was pleading. 

“Oh, right. Yeah. You can get up. But stay in this room,” he said, pointing a directive finger in Jack’s direction. A moment later he was gone.

Jumping to his feet, Jack wasted no time in darting to Rose’s side. Pressing a finger to the flesh under her jaw, he felt relief wash over him. She had a pulse. Thank god. Her skin was ashen and her lips were slightly blue, but she was breathing. 

The device, a telepathic amplifier, was still attached to her forehead; it’s blinking, ominous red lights a reminder of the assault she’d just suffered. Now outlawed by the Shadow Proclamation, it allowed it’s telepathic user to dig past even the most honed mental defences to interrogate difficult telepathic prisoners. It was a cruel, torturous relic of the Time War and certainly not one that was ever meant to be used on humans. 

Reaching out, Jack gently pulled it from the gel on her skin with a little suction-y popping sound. Looking around he spotted an oxygen feed on the wall above the bed. Grabbing it up, he slipped the cup over Rose’s mouth and nose and before he could look back up to figure out how to activate it, it began hissing out some much needed oxygen. The TARDIS was helping. 

“Rosie,” he said, leaning over her to smooth her hair. She didn’t stir. Fuck. What the hell had the Doctor done.


	10. Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could've fiddled with this chapter for three more weeks, but there's a point (when you're not getting paid for this) that you just give in and post it! :D. So here you are - Chapter 10 in all it's glory!

### 

Jostling. She was being shaken. “Don’t wanna get up, Mum,” she mumbled. Blimey. Couldn’t a girl catch a few hours now and again? 

From somewhere far away the sound of her alarm pulled Rose closer to awareness and further from the dark, jumbled dream she’d been having. Blimey, her head hurt. Must’ve been some party last night.

Turning over on her side she vaguely became aware of something pressing against her mouth and nose. Reaching up lazily to investigate, her hand contacted it. An oxygen mask. Wha- 

Blinking her eyes open, she looked around. The infirmary. Mauve lights flashed and wisps of smoke floated around her making her eyes water. The alarm she’d heard had been the TARDIS’s klaxon. 

Alarmed, she bolted up, but instantly regretted it. Throbbing pain seized her mind and a cloying wave of nausea gripped her, pulling juices from her stomach into her mouth. Yanking the mask from her face, she leaned over the bed to release a stream of stinging bile to the floor. Her eyes watered as she heaved and her stomach continued to spasm. Finally, with her gut thoroughly emptied of its sparse contents, she sat up again very slowly. Her entire body ached, but her head hurt most of all. 

Looking around slowly, so as not to jar her head too much, she found a cloth on the tray beside the bed and pulled it up to wipe her face. Returning it to the tray, her eyes landed on a metal device lying on the same surface. 

_”That thing will fry her brain!”_ Jack’s voice echoed in her head.

Unbidden, memories of the Doctor’s mind attacking her own came pouring back, making her gasp. He’d been clawing and tearing through her head to get at something. Something hidden. 

Hidden.

Fuck. The classifier! They’d hidden it! She and the TARDIS had worked together and hidden the classifier. The Doctor had pulled her mind apart to find out where. 

Looking around the smokey room, Rose now knew why the alarms were sounding. He’d found it. He’d managed to find the device and rewire the TARDIS. She must’ve fought him and they’d crashed.

But where was he? And Jack! Where was Jack? 

Gingerly swinging her legs over the side of the bed so as not to bring on another wave of pain and nausea, Rose lowered her feet to the floor, avoiding the puddle of sick. She had to find them. 

Ignoring the continued throbbing in her head, Rose did her best to hurry out of the infirmary and down the mauve lit halls. Hunks of TARDIS coral that had been shattered in the crash lay strewn along the corridor as she walked, making Rose worry for the poor ship. She must be in pain. Stepping over a particularly large chunk of ceiling, she touched the wall of the sentient creature in sympathy as she made her way toward the console room. When this was all over she’d make sure the TARDIS got a fervent apology. She’d been through as much as Rose had at the Doctor’s hands. 

The Doctor’s hands. Unbidden, moisture sprung to her eyes as memories of holding his hand scrolled through her mind. How many times had she sought out his hand in times she was frightened, excited, or just plain happy? She’d dreamed of those hands pulling her to him. Holding her close and moving to cup the back of her head as he kissed her tenderly. She’d never, in her wildest dreams, imagined she’d be afraid of them. And yet here she was. The very idea of him touching her now made her stomach tighten in fear. 

A deep moan broke through her thoughts, yanking her back to reality. Oh my god - someone was hurt. Wasting no time, she hurried up the length of the hall to the console room entrance and peered through the thicker smoke, trying in vain to make out human-like forms. “Jack?” she shouted. “Doctor?” As much as she hoped he was alright, she also found herself hoping he was lying unconscious somewhere. 

Streams of smoke blew up from under the console making Rose cough as she moved further into the hazy room. Scanning the floor, she made her way toward the jumpseat. Nothing. Another long moan broke through the hiss of some broken pipe or other. “Jack?!” she repeated, now frantically dashing around the console in search of him. She was practically upon him before she realized he was lying on the grating at her feet. 

Kneeling down quickly she was able to see him better. A large bloody gash marred his forehead. “Jack! Oh, god. Are you alright?” What a stupid question. Of course he wasn’t alright. Gently, she smoothed his hair back and away from the injury. 

Becoming more alert, Jack moaned again and coughed before croaking, “The Doctor…”

“I don’t think he’s here,” she informed him, looking toward the doors. As if in confirmation, one of them was slightly ajar. “Come on - let’s get you out of here,” she instructed, helping him as best she could in his effort to stand. The room was now completely filled with smoke, making them both cough in earnest. Quickly tucking herself under Jack’s arm to prop him up, she guided him through the noxious fumes, down the ramp toward the doors, throwing them both open to all but drag him out into the smokeless cool air awaiting them. For a moment both of them stood bent over, coughing and working at drawing clean air into their lungs. 

Finally, with her lungs protesting less and the pain in her head pulsing a bit less forcefully, Rose stood fully. “What happened in there?” she croaked, looking up a Jack who was also now straightening up.

“He did it,” Jack rasped, his face revealing his concern as he touched his forehead gingerly. “He managed to get the stream classifier working and overrode the TARDIS’s safety controls. She sure didn’t like it, though,” he observed, regarding the smoke now billowing out into the mid-morning air through the open doors of the TARDIS. “And given his excitement, I guess we landed where… when… he hoped we would,” he informed her.

“Oh my god,” Rose breathed. Her worst fears could very well being realized at this very moment for all she knew. “How long ago did we land?”

“Uh… I don’t know. Depends how long I was out,” he said practically. Of course - he’d been unconscious as well. It could’ve been hours since the Doctor left the ship! Panic began to set in. How were they gonna find him? He could be anywhere by now. “Never mind that - are you okay?” Jack asked, interrupting her thoughts.

“My head feels like a lorry drove through it, but I’m okay,” she lied. “Let’s just worry about getting him back, yeah?” she added.

Jack’s eyes narrowed as he looked her over, clearly not believing her statement. “Alright, but if you _stop_ being okay, tell me. I mean it,” he insisted. “I’m not dragging one of my best friends back to the TARDIS on a stretcher, okay?”

Rose’s lip curled up in a half smile. So protective. “Yes, sir,” she said, offering him an affectionate salute.

“Don’t laugh at me,” he warned warmly. “I care about you, that’s all.”

“I know, Jack. An’ I love you for it,” she grinned.

“Right, well,” he said, taking a deep breath in as he looked around, “we’d better get moving if we’re going to even have a chance at stopping him.”

Realizing she hadn’t really taken stock of their surroundings yet, Rose did the same. They’d landed in a back alley of some kind. Around them bins of refuse and a couple of large outdoor storage lockers loomed. 

“Where are we?” Rose asked, looking around.

“Farrar 43. Better known as ‘Yoon’ by the locals,” he informed her. “This planet, particularly this city, is renowned for its nightlife,” he explained.

Rose looked around doubtfully. “You can tell all that from this?” Rose asked, gesturing around them at their dingy surroundings. 

“Nope. I can tell from the smell,” he said, taking a large breath in. 

Confused, Rose did the same. The air did have a distinctive scent. Sort of… cucumber-y. It was actually rather a pleasant smell. “What is it?”

“Harmiliam. It’s a compound specific to the atmosphere of this planet. It acts as a kind of… sedative. Decreases aggression, increases pain tolerance and enhances peaceful feelings,” he shared. “There’s more oxygen on this planet too. Helps people stay alert.”

“Right. Well, I could do with some peaceful feelings about now,” she admitted. Not to mention, her aching head was going to appreciate some increased pain tolerance. 

“I don’t know if it affects Time Lords, but we can only hope,” Jack observed as they walked down the alley. “Anything to get your insane boyfriend to calm down.”

Boyfriend! “What! We’re not… that way, Jack. You know that,” she put in hastily. 

Jack looked over, smiling down at her. “Methinks the lady dost protest too much,” he stated, raising a skeptical eyebrow.

Rolling her eyes, Rose elbowed him in the ribs making a muffled ‘oof’ escape him. “Shut up, Jack.”

Up ahead Rose spotted a brightly lit, bustling street. Jazz-like music issued from the same direction. “So this is… what? A club planet? People come here to party?” Rose hazarded.

Jack quirked an eyebrow. “You could say that. It’s sort of renowned as a place to forget your troubles,” he explained as they neared the street. 

Well that explained why the Doctor might come here. He certainly had more than a few troubles in his past he might want to forget. 

Making it to the street, Rose took in the sight. Festive, inviting storefronts and pubs lined both sides of it and creatures of all sorts walked the stone road. There were no vehicles in sight. It seemed this area was for pedestrians only. A small ensemble of deep red, massive headed humanoids stood a few meters up the road providing the music she’d heard as they approached.

“Alright, I guess we should just start looking in windows,” Jack suggested, making to move off to their right. 

“Yeah. But listen Jack,” she said, touching his arm to stop him. “if we see him, you need to hang back. Out of earshot, yeah? We can’t risk him controlling you again,” she instructed practically.

Nodding soberly, he studied her for a moment. “Look Rosie, I’m sorry I couldn’t help you in the infirmary. I saw you there with him over you… hurting you…” he recalled, his expression pained.

“It’s okay, Jack. I know you couldn’t do anything,” she shared. “And I know you would’ve if you could’ve.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, sadness still painting his blue eyes. 

“Right. Well, let’s get going then,” Rose put in, eager to change the subject. Dwelling on the violation she’d suffered at the Doctor’s hands only made it hurt that much more. “You lead the way, I guess, since you’ve been here before,” she observed.

They walked for a bit, peeking in windows of bars and pubs all along the strip. Despite their reason for being here, Rose couldn’t help but admire the sheer number of species that walked the street. They all ambled at an unhurried pace, seemingly pleased with the goings on around them. They clearly had no idea the universe could end at any moment now, she mused. She had to admit, though, even she was beginning to feel more relaxed about things, which was amazing since she actually _knew_ what danger they were all in.

They were just passing by another bar when Jack cursed. “Shit!” he hissed, pulling at her arm to drag them back and away from the storefront. “He’s in there.” 

“He is? Which one? Our him?” she demanded.

“Yeah,” he answered. 

“Is he alone?” Rose asked, not waiting for an answer before easing herself past Jack to peek into the nearest window. 

Peering in through the tinted glass, Rose scanned the bar. After a couple of moments her eyes finally landed on her spikey haired Doctor. He was holding a tumbler, talking with a squat, yellow skinned creature sitting on a barstool beside him. 

“Well that’s a good sign,” she observed. “At least we know he hasn’t met himself yet. Then again, I suppose we’d know by now if he had,” she said ruefully, recalling the dark malevolent creatures who’d nearly destroyed earth. 

“Yeah. He must have some plan to intercept himself, though,” Jack pointed out. “He could be waiting for himself to walk into this very bar anytime now.”

“That’s true,” she agreed. “Look… maybe I should go in there and try to talk some sense into him again. At the very least I can try to stop him if he tries to control anyone. While I’m doing that, you stay out here and watch for anything unusual, yeah?”

Jack looked unsure. “I don’t know, Rosie. After what he did to you…”

“We don’t have much of a choice, Jack. I can’t just stay out here knowing he could be hurting someone in there right now,” she pointed out.

After a moment, Jack nodded hesitantly. “I suppose you’re right. But listen - you be careful in there,” he advised needlessly.

Nodding her agreement, she took a fortifying breath and stepped out in front of the bar front windows. Looking down at her feet as she walked, she tried to gear herself up to confront him. She needed to somehow talk him out of this. She had no idea how, though. He’d already gone to ridiculous lengths to get here and so far her words had fallen on deaf ears. What could she possibly say now to stop him?

Now standing before the bar doors, she stopped and took another steadying breath. She could do this. She had to. Not just for the universe, but for him too. The ‘him’ she hoped was still in there somewhere. 

Suddenly someone tapped her on the shoulder. “Excuse me, can I just get by?” a baritone voice asked, sounding slightly annoyed. 

Turning to see who was being so impatient, her eyes landed on the tall, looming form and her heart flew up into her throat. Standing before her, all leather and ears, was her Doctor.


	11. Two for One

### 

For a moment the two of them simply stood, staring at each other, mouths agape, before the Doctor finally blurted, “What in the name of Rassilon’s pants are you doing here?” 

Unsure exactly how to answer that, Rose stared at him wordlessly. It was her Doctor. Her _first_ Doctor. He looked exactly as she remembered him - ancient blue eyes, a generous mouth, regal nose… 

Then it occurred to her. He knew her. So that meant she’d already been travelling with him. So why didn’t she remember this planet then? And where was her younger self? 

“Well?” he said, his eyes now narrowed slightly in suspicion. 

“I, er… there’s somethin’ I need to tell ya,” she answered, pushing past her previous train of thought. 

Crossing his arms, the Doctor looked at her expectantly. “There certainly is,” he agreed. “Like, you need to tell me how you managed to get here, lightyears and a few hundred decades from when I left you on earth,” he suggested. 

He’d left her on earth? What - had he taken off for a jaunt while she showered at her Mum’s or something? “Right, well…” she started, trying to push that thought aside in order to decide how much to tell him about what was going on right now. How much _could_ she say to him without causing a paradox or something, though? _’You should never know too much about your own future,’_ he’d once told her. At least, she was pretty sure he was the one who told her that. 

“I’m waiting,” the Doctor said, looking a trifle impatient. 

Suddenly, the pub door opened behind her bumping her in the back as a slender, dark skinned woman exited the bar and walked past them. Blimey. They were standing in plain view of the patrons every time the doors opened. “Look, Doctor, I promise I’ll tell you as much as I can, but first, we have to get you out of here,” she informed him, taking his hand to tug him down the street in the direction he’d come from and away from the bar. 

They’d only moved a few feet before the Doctor dug his booted heels in and halted their movement. “Hang on,” he insisted. “You can’t just… show up here and start making demands. Somehow you not only knew where and when I was, but you managed to get here without a TARDIS...” he said, trailing off. 

Rose watched as an expression of curiosity replaced the glare of suspicion he’d been gracing her with. “Thing is,” he continued, narrowing his eyes as he bent over slightly and moved in close, “you couldn’t have gotten here without a TARDIS, could you?” he stated more than asked. Examining her eyes, nose, mouth… he seemed to scrutinize her very pores as she stood uncertainly before him. Finally, a wide smile spread across his face. “But you’re not just displaced in location, are you? You’re future you!” he suggested, quite pleased with himself. 

“Ummm… yeah. I am,” she agreed, worried she’d already said too much. “But listen, Doctor - we’ve got to go, yeah?” she insisted, now running her arm through his to try to guide him forward. 

Unfortunately, though, he seemed glued to the spot as a happy chortle issued from his throat. “So you _did_ come with me then,” he grinned, apparently quite pleased with himself as he allowed himself to be moved. “I was thinking of going back, you know. To earth. To see if you were sure you didn’t want to come. Then again - I suppose you know that,” he reasoned. 

Suddenly, Rose realized when he must be from. This was him _after_ he’d asked her to travel with him, but before he’d rematerialized and convinced her to come with him. ”Did I mention it also travels in time?” he’d said. The words would be burned in her memory forever. But that meant… she’d always just assumed he’d left and then come right back to try again. But he hadn’t. He’d swanned off and gone travelling! The idea floored her. She’d either really hurt his feelings and he’d had to regroup to try again, or he really hadn’t been that interested in having her come with him in the first place, but later thought it’d be a lark and returned to ask her again.

“But wait… if you’re here,” he said, interrupting her decidedly disturbing thoughts, “If you’re here that means...” he said, his brows furrowing. He’d figured it out. 

“That’s right, Doctor. It means you’re here as well, yeah? Future you. Now please, we have to move or we’ll cause a paradox and we’ll get rained on by Reapers,” she advised, more insistently trying to encourage him to move.

Allowing himself to be led, the Doctor finally began walking, much to Rose’s intense relief. “How do you know about Reapers?” the Doctor asked as they moved up the street, his expression one of worry. 

Oh, blimey, she sucked at this whole ‘don’t disclose too much about his future’ stuff. “You, uh… you told me about ‘em,” she lied. Looking down at her, he seemed skeptical, but thankfully didn’t ask her to elaborate. 

“So what’s the deal, then?” he asked as they walked. “Future me shouldn’t be here,” he observed. 

“Yeah, tell me about it,” Rose replied without thought, knowing Jack would fully agree with him as well. Jack. Fuck.

Darting a look back, she scanned the street behind them. He was nowhere to be seen. Damn it! He would’ve seen her exchange with this Doctor. Why hadn’t he followed?

“Something wrong?” the Doctor asked, now also looking behind them.

“Yeah… I had a friend… but he’s gone,” she said vaguely.

“A friend? Who? That ‘Ricky’ guy?” he asked.

“No, Doctor. Not Mickey,” she replied. A feeling of melancholy found her then as she recalled that day at Canary Warf, saying good-bye for the last time to her childhood friend. Of course, _this_ Doctor hadn’t experienced any of that yet. 

“Oh,” he replied, clearly picking up on her mood and deciding not to pursue the conversation further. 

For a moment Rose considered whether they should turn back and try to find Jack, but she quickly decided against it. They couldn’t chance this Doctor running into his future self. She’d just have to hope Jack didn’t do anything rash like try to deal with the Doctor himself. “Where’s the TARDIS,” she asked, looking up at the man she was currently attached to. 

“Just up ahead and round the corner,” he replied, jutting his chin in the direction they were heading.

In moments, they turned the corner onto a side street. The TARDIS stood proudly in front of a sweets shop, once again being completely ignored by passers by. Letting them in, the Doctor headed up the ramp toward the console. “So… you gonna tell me what’s going on now?” he asked, plunking himself down on the jump seat to look up at her expectantly. 

“Um… I don’t know. I’m not sure what I’m allowed to tell you,” she admitted. “An’ besides, we should probably take off, yeah?” 

“I’m not moving until I find out what’s going on,” the Doctor said, leveling her a serious look. “Come here,” he instructed, patting the seat beside him, his voice slightly more gentle than it had been up until now. 

She was about to argue when he raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms across his chest. His stubborn pose. Wishing desperately he’d at least just move the TARDIS somewhere his other self wouldn’t find it, she finally gave up. There was no moving him when he dug his heels in. Sighing in frustration, Rose moved to lower herself onto the jump seat beside him. 

“Thank-you. Now, you mentioned Reapers,” he stated, leveling a serious gaze in her direction. “And I’m not gonna make you tell me, but I suspect you’re not being completely honest about how you found out about them,” he challenged. “What’s important is that you know how they work. Reapers descend when a fixed point in time is challenged,” he instructed. “They don’t show up just because someone crosses their own time line.”

“Yeah, I know,” she admitted.

“Oh. Sooo… you’re concerned that somehow I’m going to try to change a fixed point?” he asked, clearly sceptical. “Rose… I know better than that. If I’m the one who told you about Reapers, you’ll know how very serious I am about protecting those events. They need to happen. I’d never try to alter one,” he shared, obviously trying to allay her fears.

Despair at their current situation once again filled her. _This_ him seemed so very certain that he’d never do such a thing, which once again starkly outlined just how sick her current Doctor was. “I know that, Doctor. I know you’d never do that. But… oh god… I don’t know how much I can tell you. I’m sure you told me once that you shouldn’t know too much about your own future,” she shared.

Nodding, he agreed, “Sounds like me. Or Dr. Emmett Brown. Still, I think it’s important you tell me as much as you can right now, Rose. If you really think there’s some force out there that could make me want to change a fixed point, I need to know about it,” he insisted.

Swallowing, she nodded her agreement. If she could trust anyone, she could trust the Doctor. At least, the Doctor when he was in his right mind. “Alright. Well… I guess you should know first that it’s not your fault. All this. You’re not well. You were sick for a while… ‘flarlitis’, the TARDIS called it. She said it would make you moody and stuff, so I didn’t think much of it… I just thought once you felt better you’d be back to your bubbly self-”

“Wait a minute - I’m bubbly? Really?” he said, his eyebrows rising. “Well, that’s new,” he admitted.

Rose smiled despite herself. “Yeah… you’re a really chatty Kathy too since you regenerated,” she shared.

“I regenerated?” he said, clearly surprised. “Blimey. I just got comfortable in this one.”

There she went again - oversharing. It was a good thing she wasn’t in charge of state secrets or anything. “Yeah, er… I probably shouldn’t’ve told you that. Sorry,” she admitted rather sheepishly.

“It’s alright,” he said, clearly disturbed by the thought. “Go on.”

“Right. Well, you were sick and I thought once the virus passed you’d perk up, but you didn’t. You just got worse. You started flying off the handle about everythin’ and would start cryin’ at the drop of a hat… you became completely unpredictable and you stopped even makin’ sense half the time,” she shared. “And then there’s the power,” she added, recalling the unwelcome image of the Doctor kissing Tosh. 

“Power?” the Doctor put in, clearly concerned.

“Yeah. You… for some reason, you started bein’ able to tell people what to do, and they’d just do it.”

The Doctor blinked. “Anything?” he asked, obviously gobsmacked.

“Yeah. At first you didn’t know you could do it, but you figured it out, and now… now you’re doin’ it on purpose to control people,” she admitted.

The Doctor’s brows furrowed. “Blimey. Well that’s not fantastic, is it?” he murmured, considering what she’d just told him.

“That’s an understatement,” she allowed. “And for some reason in all this he… _you_... got it in your head that you have to fix somethin’ in your past… somethin’ to do with changin’ a mistake you made, you said,” she shared. 

The Doctor huffed an unamused puff of air through his nose. “Well, sadly that doesn’t narrow down the event list much,” he lamented. “Still… if he knew I’d be here right now…” he trailed off. “Rose… what happened next with me. In your timeline. Do you remember?” he asked earnestly, looking at her hopefully.

“Uh… well, you came back to earth, yeah? Or, you will. And I decided to come with you after all,” she answered.

“Alright. What else?” he asked. 

“Well, we travelled together. Went to all sort of amazin’ places,” she said. 

“Hmmm,” he hummed, thinking. “I don’t know how long ago this was for you, but can you remember anything I said that I’d want to take back? Anything I did with you that I might regret?”

 

An image of the 18th century regal French courtesan immediately filled her mind. “Well… there was this one thing. But it doesn’t happen for ages from now,” she added.

“It could be that,” he allowed, “but it would probably be something I could change right now. Something I would maybe want myself to know or stop myself from doing,” he elaborated.

Wracking her brain, Rose tried hard to think of what it could be. There was nothing that immediately came to mind. “I don’t know, Doctor. We travelled to watch earth’s sun explode after you came back for me. I won’t spoil it for you, but it doesn’t go well,” she said with a shiver, recalling the lethal, creeping sunlight filling the room she nearly didn’t make it out of. “Anyway,” she carried on, “after that we went for chips,” she summarized. 

“Right. Chips,” he said, processing that.

“Anyway… I think the important things is that you get out of here, yeah? I mean - if you don’t meet yourself, you won’t cross your own timeline, right?” Rose proposed.

“Mmm. I don’t know about that,” he put in.

“Why?”

“Because if I’m so bloody hell bent on changing something, I imagine I won’t stop until it happens,” he explained. “I may have changed appearance, but I know myself. I’m a stubborn mule in any regeneration,” he admitted.

“Don’t I know it,” Rose agreed.

“Oi! You’re not supposed to agree with me so quickly,” he admonished.

Rose grinned, tongue in teeth. “Sorry. You are, though.”

Giving her a sideways glance, he sighed. “Yeah. Anyway - the point is; I doubt there’s anything you’ll be able to say to change my mind. If I’ve somehow convinced myself to break the very laws of time itself, I very much doubt anything a human could tell me would sway me,” he admitted.

Fair enough. He was probably right. “So what do we do?” she wondered aloud.

Jumping up off the jump seat, the Doctor stood and offered her a hand up. “We stop me, that’s what,” he said. 

Taking his hand, she allowed herself to be pulled to her feet. “What? I thought it was a bad idea to have two of you in the same place at the same time,” she reminded him.

“Yup. Completely a bad idea,” he agreed. “Still, who else is brilliant enough to fix me, eh? The only one bright enough to save me from myself is me,” he pointed out.

He had a point there, she had to admit. “Alright,” she agreed. “What do we do?” 

“We save me!” he grinned.

Unbidden, a smile found her own lips then. It was like old times again. Her and her first Doctor - saving the universe. And for the first time since this all began, she felt a real sense of hope. If the Doctor was willing to help himself, there was actually a chance they’d all make it out of this in one piece.


	12. Destination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here you go, folks - Chapter 12 in all it's evil glory! Thanks so much to all who've been reading, commenting, kudo-ing, and faving!

### 

Time seemed to slow as Jack watched Rose walk away from the bar front with their first Doctor. He’d been about to follow them when he spied their current Doctor through the pub window stand and begin heading to the door. Damnit!

Fear pierced him as he watched his Rose and the younger Doctor move far too slowly away from the pub. Come on, come on… _move_ , he silently insisted as they continued their straight path away from him and along the street. Fuck! If he didn’t do something, their current Doctor was gonna catch sight of them and all hell would break loose. 

Stepping boldly out of his hiding place, he strode straight to the door of the pub and threw it open. Walking directly toward him, the slim, spiky haired Doctor stopped in this tracks. Surprise decorated his features for only a moment before that expression was replaced with one of smouldering fury.

“What’ve you done, Jack?” he demanded tightly before adding, “Tell me.”

“I walked in here to stop you,” he answered honestly, mostly because he had no choice.

A low growl issued from the Doctor as he moved to push Jack aside to exit the building. Despite the fact he would likely regret it, Jack moved directly in front of him to block his path. “I can’t let you go out there, Doc,” he stated, knowing he was courting disaster.

“Get the fuck out of my way, Jack, or I swear I’ll make you pull out your own intestines,” he threatened. 

Luckily, the first command was enough to make Jack move without him having to carry out the second half of the direction. The Doctor swept past him quickly and darted out into the street. Following him out, Jack darted a look in the direction Rose and their last Doctor had been heading. They were nowhere to be seen. Relieved, he watched as this Doctor spun in a tight circle, searching around for himself. “Fuck, Jack!” he barked. “What did you do?! Where am I? And where’s Rose?!” he demanded, moving his hand up to clasp the sides of his head. “Answer me!”

“I walked in the bar to stop you,” Jack reiterated. “You’re standing in front of me. Rose went with him.”

“Him? You mean, me. Rose swanned off with past me?” he asked.

“Yes,” Jack replied, even though he hadn’t been commanded to.

“FUCK!” the Doctor cursed, drawing the looks of several lifeforms walking past. “Could she possibly do anymore to hurt me?! All I want to do is make it right! Can’t she see that? And it’s going to be so much easier now, too! All I have to do is give him a couple little commands and it’ll be done,” he confirmed. 

“What’ll be done, Doc?” Jack asked, realizing the Doctor was very close to spilling what exactly he was up to with all this. 

Out of nowhere, then, the Doctor snapped his fingers and pointed an accusing finger in Jack’s direction. “She went with him so he can bring her home,” he said surely.

“What?”

“She’s trying to get away from me. That’s what this is about,” he said, nodding his head in self affirmation. “It’s what she’s wanted ever since I… since we dealt with the clockwork droids,” he amended, absently rubbing his temples. “And past me is such an idiot… he’d probably do it, too. He’d take her home and not think twice about it,” he said, starting to pace again. 

“Doc… did you ever think maybe Rose is just trying to help you?” Jack proposed.

Stopping all movement, the Doctor glared at him. “Help me? If she wanted to help me she’d stop trying to sabotage everything I’m doing!” he insisted, wincing.

“Doc… you okay?” Jack asked, not missing the pained expression.

Squeezing his eyes tightly shut, the Doctor tented his hand over his forehead. “My… my head,” he croaked.

“Look Doc; don’t you think maybe Rose had a point? Maybe you should just let the TARDIS check you out. What if there’s something really wrong? All this is for nothing if you’re too sick to do what you came here to do,” he reasoned. 

“I… I’m fine,” the Doctor replied, sounding less sure of himself. “Come on.” With that, he started heading down the street. “I think I remember where I parked the TARDIS last time. With any luck I can find them and get this done.”

Following obediently, Jack trailed along behind the Doctor desperately trying to come up with a way to stop him. Watching as the Time Lord moved up the street in front of him, he considered something he’d hoped he wouldn’t have to. Clearly trying to talk sense to him wasn’t going to work. It was time for more decisive measures.

Scanning the storefronts as they walked, his eyes landed on an outdoor display in front of a tourist shop up ahead where knick knacks and carvings of all kinds stood proudly waiting for passers by to purchase. Keeping a watchful eye on the Doctor, Jack edged himself toward the storefront as they neared it. In one discrete movement he deftly snagged up a heavy stone ornament from the display and shielded it behind his back.

Nearing a corner up ahead, the Doctor slowed his pace a bit. “It’s up here around the corner I think. Take a right,” he ordered. Knowing he had no choice but to follow the Doctor’s command, he let himself lag behind before following the Doctor around the corner. 

That’s when he made his move. Raising the stolen statue above his head, he was about to bring it down on the Doctor’s head when his intended victim ducked off to the left, leaving the statue to slice through empty space and crash uselessly onto the pavement at their feet.

Before he could even process exactly what’d happened, the Doctor’s voice cut through the air. “Stop, Jack! Don’t move!”

Instantly, Jack felt his body freeze in space. The Doctor moved back over to him and slowly bent to pick up the largest intact piece of the stone statue. Standing to his full height, he examined it. “Nice. I imagine that would’ve hurt if it’d actually hit it’s mark,” he commented stonily. “Then again, I imagine it’s going to hurt a lot when you shove it up your ass. Which I want you to do right now.”

With that, the Doctor placed the statue in Jack’s hands and walked away. Staring down at the jagged remains of the sculpture, something in the back of Jack’s mind shouted for him to pretend he didn’t hear what the Doctor had said. To convince himself that the words had just been a figment of his imagination.

Around him, people strolled by, only barely aware that he was unbuckling his trousers. 

 

OoOoOoOoOoO

 

“Where are we going?” Rose asked, watching the Doctor flip switches that would throw the TARDIS into the vortex.

“That depends,” he replied, his attention fully on the controls.

“On?”

Turning, his eyes caught hers. “On where you were when this all started. Do you remember when you first noticed I was ill?” he asked.

Thinking back, Rose recalled the morning she found him in his bed, sick as a dog. “Yeah. You woke up in bed with a fever and stuff,” she shared. “You were a mess.”

The Doctor’s eyebrows flew upward. “In bed?”

Immediately understanding his surprise, Rose felt her cheeks redden. “You were late gettin’ up. I thought I’d check on you in your room,” she clarified hastily.

The Doctor’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Right. So you checked on me and then what?” he asked.

“Then I went to get you some tablets from the infirmary. That’s when I found out what you had.”

“Flarlitis.”

“Yeah.”

Looking up into the nearest display screen, the Doctor typed in something and waited. Moving over beside him, she watched the scrolling circular script on the screen. “Caused by the gravinill virus. Common in the Gwarth system,” he read aloud. “Had we visited any of the planets there?” he asked.

“Yeah. Gikka. You said you wanted to try the tea there cause you’d never had it,” she recalled.

A wide smile formed on his lips. “Pupperlate tea! Always wanted to try that,” he agreed. “Made by steeping pupperberries in lukewarm rainwater for a full three hours before heating and serving,” he recounted.

“Yeah, well… you really liked it, if that’s any consolation for knowing you ended up getting yourself completely ill,” she acknowledged ruefully.

Looking back at the screen, he read, “It says it can cause irritability or mood swings, but what you’re describing is a bit more than that, I’d say,” he observed. 

“Yeah. You started out just sort of cranky at the beginning, but it just kept getting worse,” she shared. 

“And when did you notice this power you were telling me about?” the Doctor asked.

“During a trip to Wowan 3. You told the guards to let us go, and they did. It didn’t make much sense at the time, but we were just happy to get out of there,” she shared. 

“They arrested us on Wowan 3? Blimey. And here I thought they liked me there,” he said, looking slightly disappointed. “Oh well. Can’t please all the people all of the time,” he said, shrugging. “So… I got sick on Gikka then we ended up on Wowan 3, and somewhere in there I acquired superpowers,” he summarized. 

“Superpow _er_. Singular,” she emphasized. “Unless becoming a psychopath is also superpower,” she pointed out. 

“Mmm. Good point. Still… what are they chances the two aren’t related? What are the chances I would become ill with a virus that just _happened_ to cause moodiness, and then develop a completely unrelated psychiatric illness? About 10 000 000 to 1. Not good odds,” he pointed out. “So let’s just assume the extreme behaviour is related to the virus. From there, would it be such a leap to assume this ‘power’ was also related somehow? I don’t think so,” he reasoned. “But something would’ve had to have happened to cause these other ‘symptoms,’ let’s call them,” he added.

Thinking back, Rose tried to recall the morning after they’d left Gikka. She’d discovered he was ill. He’d been cranky and barked at her just before that little guy knocked…

“Doctor!” she blurted with the memory, looking up at him. “After I found out you had that virus, the TARDIS ended up on this planet by accident. We were sort of… grabbed… and, like, yanked out of the vortex,” she recalled. 

“Wait… the TARDIS was pulled out of the vortex? Where was this? What planet?” he demanded.

“Um… I’m not sure. You said it was a Taboo that called to the TARDIS, so she landed,” she tried to explain.

“Taboo?” the Doctor echoed, looking confused. 

“Yeah. You said it was used for their Grumblemount, I think you called it,” she added helpfully.

Brows furrowed, he stared at her for a moment. Suddenly, his eyes widened. “Taboo. You mean, Tubol. The Grulamont, Rose! The Moxu system! That’s where you went,” he deduced.

Rose nodded. “That sounds right,” she agreed. “We didn’t stay long though, once we found out it was their gods they were lookin’ for, not us.”

Suddenly, the Doctor was moving around the console, flipping switches and hammering buttons. “Where are we goin’?” Rose asked, watching him. 

“The Moxu system. If the Tubol summoned the TARDIS, it could be that the energy it emitted caused a sort of telepathic disruption in my mind that I couldn’t filter because I was ill,” he theorized. “It could have amplified the viral effects, seeing as the virus itself has a telepathic component. That might at least explain the extreme moodiness. Not sure how it would give me the so-called ‘superpower’, though, as you call it.”

“If it was the cause, though, do you think you could figure out how to reverse it?” she asked, becoming more than a bit excited by the thought.

“I don’t see why not,” he said, throwing the lever that sent the time rotor in motion. “Once I find out the exact energy signature and the telepathic wavelength the Tubol uses to summon, it should just be a simple matter of reversing the polarity of the neuron flow!” he grinned.

A wide smile lit Rose’s face with the pronouncement. They could save him! Future, him, that is. 

Suddenly, the TARDIS issued a loud whine and jolted rather violently, sending Rose careening off to her left. Grabbing at the edge of the console, she managed to anchor herself to avoid crashing to the grating beneath her feet. “Hold on!” the Doctor instructed, smiling inanely, obviously enjoying the ride. A giddiness welled up in her as she took in his attractive mug. She’d never tire of this. Travelling through time with her Doctor. And now, there was a good chance it wouldn’t have to ever end.


	13. Moxu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been snowing like crazy out here in good ol' British Columbia and for that reason, I feel in a giving, Christmasy mood. So here is another chapter for you all :). Merry February.

### 

The Doctor threw open the doors of the TARDIS and stepped out onto the soft earth before she did. Following him out, she heard him take a large breath in. “Plenty of nitrogen and oxygen. Bit of CO2. A hint of argon. And a splash of briodioxide. Always love some briodioxide, me,” he added, looking down at her with a large smile. 

They’d landed at night again, but this time there was a dusting of snow blanketing the field of the Moxuan field they’d landed in. In the distance, Rose made out the same house she remembered landing near last time they’d been here. “How did you know where to land us?” she asked, hugging her arms around herself against the chill in the air.

“Just followed the time signature from the last visit. The TARDIS knows where she’s been, or going to be, at any point in her timeline,” he explained. “She has to, otherwise I’d run the risk of landing when and where I’d landed before, which could be very bad,” he added.

“Yeah, got that,” Rose agreed. 

Taking out his sonic, the Doctor held it up in the air. “Hmm. No Tubol energy signature. Looks like we’ll have to find it’s source the hard way,” he observed.

“Oh? How’s that?”

“Asking,” the Doctor said, grinning. “Come on,” he said, holding out his hand for her to take.

Instead of taking it, though, she held back. “Doctor - I should tell you… the locals didn’t care for us much when we dropped by last time,” she advised. “We sort of… landed in their plants,” she said, gesturing to the TARDIS, which had done the exact same thing again this time ‘round. “I doubt they’ll be thrilled to see us again.”

“What? Blimey - next me must have bloody terrible people skills,” he observed, shaking his head. “Well, luckily _this_ me is a proper diplomat. No one could get too angry with this charming face,” he said, waggling his eyebrows, once again offering her his hand. 

“Mmm. Yeah,” she said doubtfully, this time reaching out to slip her smaller hand into his. “Well, hopefully you won’t get choked this time,” she stated. “You were in a state after that.”

“Choked?! Cor love a duck… how’ve I managed to keep my next body for any length of time?” he marvelled. “I sound like a right twat.  
I’ve half a mind to ask you how I regenerated so I can avoid it,” he said. 

Looking up at him, she took in his less than joking expression. She could hardly blame him. It couldn’t be easy, hearing you’re basically going to die and be reborn again. An image of light streaming from him, shooting out from his taut, pained body, flashed before her. It had to hurt. Funny how they’d never really talked about the actual process. In fairness, it wasn’t like she hadn’t tried to bring it up. He’d just always managed to avoid the topic. 

As they neared the house, Rose took a fortifying breath. She wasn’t looking forward to another confrontation with the owners. Following the Doctor up the front steps, she watched as he stepped up to the door. He was about to knock when it opened unexpectedly, making them both take a surprised step back. 

“Rose!” the short, prickly man who’d thrown open the door said with a full smile; his focus solely on her. “I can’t believe you came back!” he marvelled, ducking in to hug her tightly around her hoodie clad middle, trapping her arms in his embrace as well. Rose let out a gasp with the tight hug, suddenly realizing this must be Parm who was nearly squeezing the life out of her. Pulling back to get a look at her, he marvelled, “But… you look exactly the same. How could that be?”

“Hello, Parm,” Rose grinned down at the furry, round-eyed man. 

“And who’s this?” Parm asked, looking up at the Doctor.

“This is my friend...the Doctor. He’s the same man that came with me last time but… oh, it’s a long story,” she finished.

“You must be making jokes,” he said, narrowing his large eyes.

“No, I swear, it’s him. Another version of him,” she amended. 

“Wow. You’ve really changed,” Parm observed. 

“More than you know,” he responded. “Um, I was wondering if we could ask you a few questions, Parm,” the Doctor asked cordially.

“Of course,” he said. “Come in, come in!” Parm said quickly, clearly embarrassed he hadn’t thought to invite them in right away. Pulling the door open wider to allow them to enter into the small space, Parm gestured for them to join him inside. “My parents both passed a couple of years ago. The place is mine now,” he shared, as if to allay Rose’s fears about possibly running into his folks again. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Rose said, stepping through the door into the small home. 

“Thanks. Was a hard time for me,” Parm admitted as the Doctor came in behind her, having to duck his head to avoid banging it on the ceiling. “Can I get you both some xulair tea? Maybe some crackerbean biscuits?” Parm offered. 

With the mention of food, Rose stomach gurgled insistently. Becoming aware that her belly was painfully empty, she looked to the Doctor as she always did now before accepting food or drink on a new planet. “I’d love some,” the Doctor agreed without acknowledging Rose was even looking at him. “Never turn down a biscuit.”

Oh yeah. They hadn’t worked out that unspoken signal yet, Rose realized. “Me too,” Rose decided then, figuring if the Doctor was gonna eat it, she could too. 

“Lovely! Make yourselves at home,” Parm instructed, gesturing to a sitting room off to the left as he trotted off to the kitchen. 

Ducking his head even further to avoid a beam above them separating the foyer from the sitting room, the Doctor settled himself in one of the larger chairs in the room. Rose took the opportunity to look around the space, taking in the knick knacks on the shelves and tables. One particular image of their host as a boy standing with his parents caught her eye. “Parm was adorable when he was little,” Rose said, picking up the photo. “You took a real shine to him.” 

“Did I?” the Doctor replied. “Makes sense. Seems like a perfectly friendly bloke as a grown-up. Couldn’t have been too bad as a child,” he reasoned. 

“Mmm,” Rose hummed in agreement. “He’d been thoughtful even as a boy,” she recalled, thinking back to his warning to hurry after the Doctor after his father had all but regenerated him. 

At that moment, Parm came in with a tray and placed it on a small table in the middle of the room. “Sorry - I thought I had crackerbean biscuits, but I’m all out. I hope you don’t mind gill biscuits instead,” he apologized.

Gill… as in fish gills? She hoped not. But at this point she’d eat just about anything put in front of her, she was so hungry. Picking up one of the square biscuits, Rose took a tentative bite. It tasted much more like a roast beef sandwich than a sweet treat, but that suited her just fine at the moment. Taking a larger bite, she allowed herself to actually enjoy it. 

“So, Parm,” the Doctor began after taking a large swig of the tea the stout creature had placed in front of him, “we were wondering if you could help us. When my friend and I visited you before we apparently landed during Grulamont,” the Doctor recounted. “We were wondering if you could maybe share the location of the Tabul. You know, so we can pay our respects and all that,” he added quickly. 

Parm seemed quite pleased with the request. “Why, of course! We have many off worlders visit to pay homage to the Tabul,” he shared. “As long as it’s not the time of the Grulamont, all are welcome,” he clarified.

“That’s good to know,” the Doctor grinned. “So, where might be find it then?”

Parm scuttled off to the hall and came back with a piece of green paper. Clearing a bit of room on the small table in front of them, he placed the parchment down. Using only his sharp fingernail, he began scribbling directions on the sheet. “That’s amazin’,” Rose couldn’t help but comment as the paper filled with writing. “How do you write with just your fingernail? Is it special paper or somethin’?” she asked.

Looking up, Parm smiled. “I’d heard that many other species don’t use their own fluids to write,” he said, sounding truly interested. “We use our murcor. It interacts with the fibres in the paper to produce a readable mark. We secrete it through our nails,” he explained. “What do you use, then?” he asked.

“Uh… pens or pencils, mostly,” she answered. “They’re sort of… sticks with lead or ink in them,” she clarified. 

“Ah. Interesting,” he replied. “A bit inconvenient, though, I imagine. Always having to find something to write with all the time,” he considered. “Then again, at least you aren’t at risk of poisoning your off world guests whenever they drop by,” he joked with a wink. 

The comment made the Doctor perk up and lean forward in his seat. “What do you mean? Poison them?”

“Well, I just mean… you remember, don’t you? When I held your hands? Our quills secrete murcor as well,” he explained. “That’s why your hands hurt after I held them,” he explained before turning to the Doctor. “It’s why you did as my father told you after he, er… hurt you. I’m really sorry about that, by the way,” he added, looking guilty. “Bit of a temper, my father.”

“Wait. So you’re saying that after your dad choked me, he gave me a command and I just did it?” the Doctor said, his whole body tense. 

“Yes. It’s a defense our species evolved after too many encounters with less than gracious off worlders,” he shared. “Doesn’t make it right to use it, though. There are more peaceful ways, in my opinion.”

Rose stared at Parm, her jaw agape. There was no way this could be a coincidence. Excitement bloomed in her. It wasn’t the Tabul that had somehow affected the Doctor. It’d been this… murcor. It seemed the Doctor had the same idea. “Rose - I think we’ve just solved a mystery,” he said, his eyes as wide as his smile. “Parm, I wonder if we might make an odd request.”

“Certainly,” Parm replied, clearly curious.

“Can I have one of your quills?”

 

OoOoOoOoO

 

Cold nipped at him as the pain in his head brought him back to awareness. He’d been spinning. Falling. The weight of trillions of years had been pressing in on him as they swept forcefully past him, threatening to tear him from his purchase. But he’d persevered. He’d clung on for dear life. For the possibility of a different life. A better life.

Opening his eyes, the Doctor was greeted by pinpricks of light, seemingly leering down at him. Stars. Millions of them. Laughing at him. Stabbing his brain with their sharp, shrill voices. _What makes you think she would even_ want _a life with you? Look at you. Mr. Almighty Time Lord; reduced to tooling around the universe on the outside of his own ship!_

“Shut up,” he told them. He’d had to do it. He’d had to ride the shell of his own bloody TARDIS otherwise he’d have lost them… his past self and Rose. He couldn’t chance it. He had to make sure he never ended up in this situation in the first place.

A chill pierced through the ache in his head and he suddenly realized why he was so cold. He was lying in snow. Bloody hell. Willing his body to move, he sat up, cringing as his muscles protested vehemently. It was no small feat trying to hold on to the side of a flying TARDIS. 

Getting his bearings, he looked around. His younger ship sat a good 30 metres away. He must’ve passed out and been thrown when she landed. Running his hand over the back of his head, he found a rather impressive bump forming. Blimey. No wonder his head hurt so much. 

A surge of anger pulsed through him. Bloody stupid TARDIS. Why hadn’t she at least _tried_ to land a bit more gently. She _knew_ he was there, after all. 

A chilly wind pulled at him, turning his thoughts in another direction. Where the hell was he? Looking about, his eyes settled on a lone house in the distance; it’s lit windows produced a warm glow against the dark field he sat in. Wait. He recognized that house. This field. They were on the planet Mollen again. What in Rassilon’s name were they doing back in the Moxu system? Why weren’t they on earth, dropping Rose off at home? Surely she’d asked him to take her there by now. What were they planning? If she hadn’t wanted to go home, then…

Then it occurred to him. She’d figured out what he’d been planning and hated the idea. She hated the thought. It disgusted her, even. That’s what it was. And now she was trying to get his past self to help her stop him. And his last regeneration had no idea what she would end up meaning to him. No clue. So he’d do it. He’d do it in a heartbeat. Because he was short sighted and stupid. Exactly what he was here to fix! NO!

Throwing himself back to lay prostrate on the snowy ground, he glared up at the leering stars through the haze of pain clouding his mind. 

Damn it! Why?! He’d helped SO many people. So many planets. Galaxies, even! Bloody Fuck! Why couldn’t the universe just give him this? He deserved it, for Rassilon’s sake! As payment for having to wipe out his own people. As payment for having to live on afterward. As payment for watching companion after companion leave him. They all left him. They either chose another life, he chose it for them, or they died. They bloody _died_ for him! 

Images of a young, dark haired boy flashed before him; his smile wide as he buffed his shiny blue star pin. Adric had died and it had been his fault. And he’d had to live with that guilt for _years_! Didn’t he deserve a bloody break now? Why did he still have to pay? Why couldn’t he just have this one thing? 

The stars above seemed to sparkle a bit brighter in glee at his state. “FUCK OFF!” he shouted at them as a heavy tear slipped down his temple and into his hair. “JUST FUCK OFF!”

Before he had time to rail at them further, he heard voices in the distance. In the sparse light of the moon, he made out a couple of figures heading in his direction. They were coming back.

Picking himself up quickly from the snowy ground, he ignored the wave of agony that pulsed through his head with the change in position and darted toward the TARDIS. Slipping around the front to let himself in, he closed the door swiftly behind him as he tried to stave off panic. He had to stop them. He needed to confront himself and end all of this. And he would.


	14. Cure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all had a lovely Valentine's Day. I'd like to say I've written a fluffy story full of lovey nonsense to feed St. Valentine, but I haven't :D. Instead, I offer you another instalment of this story! Happy Valentine's Day anyway <3

### 

“I don’t get it,” Rose was saying as they walked together toward the TARDIS with their prize in hand. “I mean - I get that the murcor stuff makes people do what they’re told, but Parm held my hand too. Why didn’t I start being able to control people as well?” she asked.

“Because, my dear human, _you_ aren’t a telepath. And not just _any_ telepath could end up adopting this power. Oh no! Only a telepath who was actively nurturing a ready to mutate virus could end up with this ability,” he claimed.

“What do you mean?” she asked. “You mean the flarlitis somehow mixed up with the toxin and now you, er… future you has, like, a _super_ virus?”

With that comment, the Doctor stopped in his tracks. “I suppose so. Pretty apt description, actually,” he said with an impressed smile. “Now I know why I came back for you,” he grinned as he resumed walking again.

Rose couldn’t help but give him a shy smile back. God, she loved this man. Every incarnation of him she’d met. Even the one she was currently actively frightened of. Images of her current Doctor glaring at her, his eyes filled with rage, flitted unwelcomingly before her as they started walking again.   
_’But that isn’t your Doctor, is it?_ ’ her inner voice reminded her. No. It wasn’t. _Her_ Doctor was stuck inside that big head of his, being overwhelmed by insanity. But even knowing that… would she ever be able to look at him again and not see this frightening part of him? Not be constantly reminded of the torture he’d inflicted? Could she _really_ truly forgive him and move on like it never happened?

Nearing the TARDIS doors, the Doctor chuckled happily, tearing her from her pained thoughts. “This is it, Rose,” he said, holding up the paper bag in his hand. “All we need to do is extract some of the toxin from Parm’s quill sample, figure out its molecular structure, run it through some reaction simulations with the gravinil virus, isolate the specific mutation, then formulate an antidote! Easy peasy!” he crowed.

“Yeah. Sounds like it,” she agreed with a smile and just a wee hint of sarcasm. 

Opening the TARDIS doors, the Doctor gestured for her to enter first. Slipping past him into the welcome warmer air of the ship, she headed up the ramp. Despite the disturbing thoughts she’d been nursing, she felt lighter than she had in days. This was it. They were about to find a cure for the Doctor. Whatever the fallout was, at least he’d be healthy again. 

Joining her at the console, the Doctor set in a destination and before long he had the TARDIS flying through the vortex. Watching him as he moved around the room, Rose couldn’t help but wonder how this would all end up. What _would_ happen when he was better? Would he want to bring her home? As much as he’d hurt her, she knew she didn’t want that. This was her life now. Then again - what if this ‘cure’ didn’t completely heal him? What if it was like chicken pox and could come back as something even worse? Rose shivered.

“Penny for ‘em?” the Doctor’s baritone voice chimed in from her left. 

“It’s nothin’. Just excited to get you all fixed up,” she answered only half-truthfully. Looking up at him, she tried to put on a brave face. This him didn’t even know her. He had no idea what he meant to her. Then again, neither did her new Doctor.

“Mmm,” he hummed, clearly not buying it. “You’re worried about me, aren’t you?” he asked. 

Well, he wasn’t wrong about that. “Yeah. I guess so,” she admitted. 

“Well, you needn’t be. We’ll have me fixed up in a giffy,” he assured her. “Then you can go back to doing…” he trailed off.

Confused, she studied him. “What?”

“You know… doing… what we do,” he finished.

“Yeah?” she smiled, despite herself. “And what’s that, then?”

“Well, I imagine we get up to all sorts of things. Like… saving the universe. Traveling to interesting places. Eating chips,” he suggested.

Chips. Their first date. “Yeah. We do like our chips,” she agreed. The memory was bittersweet. Such a relaxing, butterfly inducing memory contrasted with their current situation… it was stark. The very unwelcome thought that they may never be able to simply go back to their carefree relationship again reared its ugly head.

“That’s not all, though, is it,” the Doctor’s voice cut in. “You’re not just worried about me, are you?”

Meeting his piercing eyes, she knew she was caught. “That’s it mostly,” she fibbed. 

“No it isn’t. What is it?”

Rose looked down at her feet. “It’s nothin’. I just… I’m nervous. You know… about going back to… eating chips,” she answered.

“Ah,” he said, aiming his gaze down at the floor as well.

“I mean, what if you decide you don’t want to… to have chips with me anymore? What if looking at me just reminds you of this. Of what you… of this virus?”

The Doctor’s eyes narrowed. Turning fully toward her, his gaze focused. “Rose… did I… did I hurt you?” he asked.

Swallowing emotion, Rose blinked. He didn’t need to know this. Not now. What good could it possibly do? 

Apparently her lack of an answer was answer enough. Shaking his head, he stood in agitation and began pacing before her. “I did. I hurt you,” he affirmed. “What did I do?” he asked.

“It doesn’t matter,” Rose began.

“Yes it does. It does, Rose. What did I do?” he demanded.

Rose sighed, resigned. “You’d stolen this ‘stream classifier’ so you could make the TARDIS cross your own time stream. The TARDIS and I had hidden it in one of the bedrooms and she’d helped me forget where I’d put it, but you realized that and you… you used a telepathic device to… to…”

Halting all movement, he stared at her. “Rassilon,” he whispered, clearly horrified.

“But it wasn’t you. Not really,” she assured him. 

“Of course it was!” he barked back. “It _was_ me, Rose. I hurt you. If I hadn’t been such a twat in the first place and I’d done my research for a change you’d be okay. I wouldn’t have… have…” he gestured to her head in disgust.

Standing, Rose moved in to take his hand. “Doctor, you didn’t do this to me on purpose. At least, I know you would have never hurt me if you were yourself,” she assured him, squeezing his hand a bit tighter. Did she believe it, though? Did she believe what she was saying or was she saying it just to placate him? To wipe the look of worry from his rugged features? That was part of it, to be sure. She could never stand to see him hating himself. 

For a moment, she pictured her current Doctor, looking at her similarly. And he would. When he was back to himself, he _would_ look at her like this. He would feel horrid. Disgusted with what he’d done. Agonized by the very idea of what he’d inflicted on her. And she… she’d…

She’d forgive him. She would. She’d look in those endless, ancient eyes and be unable to hold any malice toward him. If he looked at her like this, she’d be able to start again with him. To love him without fear of him. 

They stood for a moment in silence; the Doctor studying her for any sign of reticence. There wasn’t any. She knew that now. This was him and her latest Doctor was him. He was a good man and that’s just what he was. And she’d never doubt his real intent. They just needed to find him and get him better. The rest would work itself out. 

Finally, after another moment, he squeezed her hand back and offered her a small nod. He believed her. He still hated himself for it, but he believed her. “Now let’s get going on this cure, yeah?” she suggested with a tongue touched grin. 

A small smile pulled at the the corner of his lips. “You’re really something, you know that?” he allowed.

“For a human?”

“Yeah. For a human,” he nodded. “Come on. Let’s get this sorted.”

 

OoOoOoOoO

 

Many minutes went by as he sat there, crouched under the grating of the control room, after they’d gone. Minutes? Working to sort out his time sense, he found he couldn’t actually figure out how long he’d been there. Blimey. Could it have been even longer than that? A thousand thoughts skittered across his consciousness, making it difficult to concentrate as he tried to work out… What was he trying to work out again? Hmm. Something. Gods! How could he think with his bloody head throbbing like it was?! 

Taking a deep breath, he tried to calm himself and think past the pain. What had he been thinking about? ‘ _If I hadn’t been such a twat in the first place…_ ’ Oh yes. His younger self’s bloody judgemental words. The pure disgust in his past self’s voice. Well, he had no bloody _clue_ what was going to happen between now and his current self’s time. He didn’t understand what a mess he’d made of it all. 

He’d nearly jumped out of his hiding place right then, but something stopped him. Rose’s words. She believed in him. He’d felt nearly overwhelmed with the desire to run to her and wrap his arms around her at that moment. But it hadn’t been the time for that. There would be plenty of time in the future… and the past... to show her how much he appreciated her. His current priority was to catch himself off guard - to find a time when he was alone so he’d be uninterrupted when he gave himself instructions; when he told his younger self what to do to ensure his life would become what it needed to be.

Suddenly becoming aware of the relative silence outside of his head, he tuned in again to his surroundings. They were gone. Blimey. How long had he been hiding here? Climbing slowly out of his hiding place and straightening himself, he stretched his cramped legs. Randomly, two words popped into his head. Seventy-one. What? Why- 

Then it occurred to him. He’d been squatting there for the last 71 minutes. And they’d been gone for at least 57 of those. 

_’Since when have you ever lost track of time??’_ a wee voice in his head chimed in. 

Never. 

_’That’s right. Never,’_ the voice affirmed. _’There’s something wrong…_

“No there isn’t!” he barked out loud, sending a surprising bolt of pain through this head.

_’You’re even bloody yelling at yourself now! No wonder Rose is worried about you,’_ the voice pointed out.

“She’s… she’s worried about me…” he almost whispered, echoing the thought. Another sharp wave of pain pushed through his mind, then, making him reach up to massage his forehead. Bloody head. 

_’And Rose is right. Since when do you get headaches? Once again… never,’_

“Never…”

Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried to will away the remnants of the pain before making his way up to the hallway. 

_’Maybe Jack’s idea wasn’t too bad, you know. Maybe a quick check-up in the infirmary would be a good idea,’_ the retreating voice helpfully put in as he exited the console room. 

The infirmary? The infirmary. What about it? Oh yes! Where they’d gone! Aha! His younger self had said something about a ‘cure’. That must be where they’d gone. They’d gone to look for a cure.

A cure for what? For his power, probably. Yes. That was it. Of course, this would’ve been his own idea. His younger self would hate the idea that his future self was good at something. He’d be jealous. Ha! What an idiot! Jealous of himself! So he’d convinced Rose to steal this power from him… the one thing that he could use to make a real difference in his own life. Rassilon - even _he_ was standing in his own way! What cruel joke was this?!

Tears sprang to his eyes. He couldn’t even rely on _himself_! He was really and truly alone in this. He was the only one in the entire universe who could see the need for it. How could everyone else be so delusional?! It was so simple. He needed Rose Tyler in his life. She _was_ his life… his reason for even breathing in and out on a daily basis. Aching, heavy days that had him nearly crippled with emptiness were all he’d had before her. There had been days he wouldn’t have bothered even waking up if she hadn’t been there. And all he’d done is hurt her. Even now - right now - as he made his way down the corridor in his own ship, his younger self was hurting her! Trying to ‘cure’ him would only harm her. He had no idea what sadness was in store for her in his future and that he could prevent it! Not only that - he could make her _happy_ , even. And gods, she deserved to be happy.

Taking a steadying breath, he tried to collect himself. He could do this. He had to. He would confront his younger self and make things right. This life, as he knew it, would be over and a better, happier one would exist in its place.


	15. Promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't say too much, except... you're welcome ;)

### 

“So now what do we do?” Rose asked as she watched the Doctor wipe his hands on a cloth by the sink. 

“Well, now I’ll just get an injection solution together while we wait. The TARDIS is running reaction simulations between the virus and the toxin to see which cooperative variation of the virus would produce the reaction you were seeing in me. After that, we can formulate a cure,” he explained. “Shouldn’t be too long,” he added.

Rose nodded. “I don’t suppose we could maybe eat somethin’ while we wait?” she proposed. “I could murder a sandwich about now.” They’d eaten those biscuits with Parm back in the Moxu system, but she was still starving.

“Oh - I suppose that’s not a bad plan,” he agreed. “Let’s wait until the simulations are done, though, and then I’ll fix us up some tea,” he offered. 

Rose’s stomach growled in protest at the suggestion of having to wait. “How ‘bout I just go get us both something. Maybe a couple of banana milkshakes and a few peanut butter and banana sandwiches?” she suggested with a knowing smile.

“Banana?” he said, looking up from the drawer he was pulling a syringe from. “Now I definitely know why I went back for you,” he grinned. “Apparently you have fantastic taste in food as well!”

Behind him, something dinged loudly, making her jump. “That was fast,” he noted, sounding pleased as he turned to study a monitor to his left. “The TARDIS has isolated the viral variant that would result in the interaction we’ve seen with the murcor,” he observed, moving in closer to study the results. “Blimey,” he breathed. 

“What?” she asked, moving to his side. Whatever it was, he didn’t sound too impressed. 

“This combination… it’s definitely not a good one,” he stated.

“I thought we’d established that,” Rose pointed out, studying the nonsensical writing scrolling across the screen. 

“No, I mean… it’s really spectacularly not good. It’s lethal,” he stated.

“What?” Rose barked, alarmed. “You mean, it could kill him? You?” she pressed.

The Doctor nodded and looked at her solemnly. “The pain he must be suffering…” he trailed off, shaking his head. “That alone would probably be enough to drive anyone mad.” 

Fear and anguish pierced her. Not only had this virus stolen his sanity, it was torturing him as it worked on stealing his life as well. What if they couldn’t find him soon enough?!

“Oi,” the Doctor said, turning to lay both hands on her shoulders reassuringly. “We’ll solve this, yeah? I’m not about to cash in my chips yet. I’ve got a good two regenerations left after him and I mean to use them,” he assured her. 

The seriousness of the moment was unceremoniously quashed by a loud gurgle issuing from Rose’s stomach. A lopsided smile formed on the Doctor’s lips. “I think the human needs to eat,” he pointed out. “Now go on. I’ll keep plugging away while you get us some tea. No point starving to death while we work on this,” he pointed out. 

Rose hesitated. What if-

“Rose. We’ll find him in time. Don’t worry. Now if you would be so kind as to make us a couple of pb&b sandwiches, my stomach would be forever grateful,” he entreated, patting his belly.

Allowing him a small smile, she nodded. He was right. Being paralyzed with worry wouldn’t get them anywhere. Better to keep herself distracted while he finished up here. It wasn’t like she could really help. 

Turning to leave, she was almost out of the room when he added, “Oh! And Rose - could you nick us a couple of glasses of milk as well? You can never have too much potassium,” he advised, turning his attention back to the needle in his hand. 

“Right,” she replied, unable to keep a grin from fully forming as she turned to leave the room. It was amazing how this man could make her smile in almost any situation.

Heading down the hallway, Rose tried to think positively. Pretty soon they’d have the cure for the Doctor’s illness and they’d find him. How hard could it be, really? After all, he was likely actively looking for _them_. Them. 

For a moment, her thoughts turned to Jack and she once again sent up a silent prayer that he hadn’t tried to confront the Doctor on his own. Despite her prayers, though, she knew they were probably futile. Jack wasn’t likely to just sit back and watch the Doctor try to follow her and his younger self. He’d have tried to stop him. 

Unbidden, thoughts of what the Doctor might command Jack to do flitted through her mind. The options were endless and beyond worrying. Still, she could hope that maybe Jack had had the sense to lay low. Follow the Doctor without being seen maybe. Rose sighed, trying to loosen the anxious knot in her gut. She decided she had to go with that thought, otherwise she’d once again find herself paralyzed in fear and she was no good to anyone that way. Her younger Doctor was almost done coming up with the cure for her newest Doctor. They would find him on time and Jack would be with him, safe and sound. They’d give him the medicine he needed and they would all move on with things. 

_’Confront things,’_ her mind offered helpfully. Yeah. Confront things. And Lord, if… _when_... they sorted this out there were going to be things to confront. But they’d just have to. She didn’t want him take her home, and she wasn’t going to let this… _ill_ part of him dictate her relationship with the _real_ him. 

“Penny for ‘em?”

Spinning on her heel, she was gripped by strong hands.

“Hello. Surprised to see me?” her pinstriped-clad Doctor said as he pulled her close.

“Doctor!” she squeaked, trying to put on a smile. “How did you get here?”

A sly smile creeping onto his face. “Rode the outside of my own ship. Never done that before. Didn’t like it,” he frowned. “Still. At least I ended up where I needed to be. Here. With him.”

Rose swallowed. Oh god. “Listen, Doctor…”

“I have to admit,” he cut in, “it really hurt when you left with him. _Him._ But you preferred me back then, didn’t you? All gruff. Commanding,” he said lowly, clasping her to him a bit more tightly.

“Doctor, stop,” she said, trying to sound less frightened than she was.

“What? Are you trying to tell me you didn’t like it? I know you did. I could tell. You know how?” he said softly. “Pheramones. Pheramones, Rose. They bloody drove me mad, you know. When we’d be sitting close. When we’d hold hands. When we danced,” he drawled. “You wanted me. I know it. And blimey… I wanted to take you, too,” he added, running a hand down her back. “Take you and make you come over and over…” he trailed off, pressing his hand against her bottom so he pressed hard against her front. 

“Doctor, please,” she whimpered.

“But you know why I didn’t? I didn’t because I was a coward. A bloody useless coward. Afraid of offending the very people I’d destroyed. I thought if I gave in and told you what you meant to me I’d be distancing myself from my own heritage… giving up the last connection I had with my people. It was so foolish,” he said, shaking his head. “I had all I needed in the Universe right in front of me and I all I did was push you away. Time after time,” he said, his voice becoming softer.

Was he telling the truth? Did he really feel that way about her all this time? Either way, she had to work with this… use it to help him see reason if she could. “You never pushed me away,” she assured him. “I said I’d never leave you, and I won’t. No matter what.”

The Doctor shook his head. “It’s not about that,” he said, sadness now replacing all other emotion on his face. “I don’t just want your company, Rose. I want…” he trailed off, his grasp on her loosening. 

“What?”

“I need you to be more than just my mate. My companion. I want you to love me. I need you to. And I want you to know how much… how much I…” he grappled.

Rose’s heart nearly stopped with the open ended phrase. Could he mean it? Could he really be saying, “...you love me?” she almost whispered, barely able to get the words out. 

The Doctor’s glistening eyes bore into her own as he nodded in response. “More than I can ever say.”

Rose’s eyes brimmed with moisture as well as she looked into his soulful eyes. He meant it. At least right now he did. Fuck. Why couldn’t he be saying this when he was sane? Why now? 

“And I know there was a time you loved me too. Or at least there was a chance of that. And then… then I fucked up. That’s why I’m doing this, Rose. That’s why I’m here. I have to tell myself how to do it right this time.”

“But you didn’t do anything wrong, Doctor,” she tried to assure him. 

He let go of her then and backed away. “Don’t lie to me, Rose. Please. I hurt you. I know I did. And it was completely out of fear. All of it. Don’t let her get too close. Bringing Mickey on board was my first mistake. I thought if he was around you’d realize you’d be better off with a human. Someone with a similar lifespan and interests. And then when I wasn’t sure that was gonna work, I… I…” he trailed off.

Suddenly Rose twigged. “Reinette.”

The Doctor looked at the ground, tenting his fingers over his forehead. “I ran headlong into a situation I knew I might not come back from. I really thought you’d be better off,” he said, squeezing his eyes tightly shut. “Even if it meant you’d be stranded there with Mickey for god knows how long. And then when I managed to get back, I… I...” he stammered before gasping and doubling over.

“Doctor?” Rose said as she jumped to his side.

“Fuck!” he barked, both hands now pressing on either side of his head.  
Surprisingly, though, he straightened and began staggering further down the hall away from her. “I have to tell him. He has to tell you.”

“Tell me what? That you love me? Doctor - you can tell me now, yeah? You don’t have to change history to tell me. I’m here right now,” she emphasized, catching up with him. 

“No, Rose. I have to do it back then. I have to tell you I love you right when I realize it. ‘Cause I knew early on. If I tell you and you know it, I won’t be able to hide it from myself. I’ll tell me to let myself love you. To show it to you everyday. That way I’ll never leave you to help Reinette. I’ll never invite Mickey on board. I won’t lose you,” he said urgently as he tried to pick up his pace.

“Doctor,” Rose called, quickly moving to catch up with him. Grabbing his arm, she turned him so he faced her. “You never lost me,” she said earnestly. “I… I won’t lie. It hurt. All that with Reinette. I thought…” she paused, gathering her courage. He may not be himself right now, but it didn’t lessen the truth of what she was about to say. “I thought you were tired of me. I thought I was losing my appeal as a travelling companion and that maybe you’d had enough of me. And when she… when she died, and you didn’t seem about to ask me to leave, I counted my blessings. I knew I’d never leave you. Not if it was my decision. And so I tried to content myself with being just friends. But Doctor, I… I...” she paused. She wouldn’t be able to take this back afterward. Once it was said, he’d know. He might remember when he was in his right mind again and it would ruin everything they’d so carefully cultivated. But damn it - it was true. And right now he needed to hear it. And if it changed how this all would play out, it was worth it. “Doctor, I lo-”

“Aha! Gotcha!” a hulking, leather clad figure hollered as he jumped out of the room just behind the Doctor to plunge a syringe deep into the Doctor’s neck. A startled look of surprise filled the Doctor’s face for a moment; his wide brown eyes staring into hers in amazement before they slipped closed and he slumped to the floor. 

 

OoOoOoOoOoO

Rose paced the length of the infirmary for the hundredth time since they’d brought her Doctor’s unconscious body back there. He lay so peacefully on the bed now, his eyes closed and his body relaxed - you’d never have known that only hours ago he’d been the most dangerous being in the Universe. 

Across from him, his younger incarnation stood leaning against the counter, studying his older self; seemingly lost in thought. Tired of pacing, Rose moved over to him and plopped herself down on a lab chair next to where he stood. “How long til the anesthetic wears off?” Rose asked, nodding toward her sleeping Time Lord.

“Shouldn’t be long now,” he replied. “Just gave him enough to give the antivirus serum time to work.”

“And you think he’ll be back to normal then? When he wakes up?” she asked doubtfully. It’d taken him days to get so sick; it seemed unlikely he’d be back to himself so quickly. 

“Oh, I shouldn’t think so,” he answered, affirming her fears. Her anxiety must’ve shown on her features, though, because he was quick to add, “I wouldn’t worry too much, though. The TARDIS’s simulations suggest the ‘power’ will be decreased tenfold. That’s good. Any direction he gives over the next couple of days will result in a vague sort of afterthought in anyone he commands, I reckon. As for the mood swings, the simulation suggested he’ll be more or less reasonable by the time he wakes up. All that’ll really be left of all this is one massive headache,” he confirmed. 

Rose nodded. Then a thought occurred to her. “Doctor - what about you? What happens now? I mean, haven’t we created some sort of paradox or something now that you know some of your own future?” she asked.

The Doctor’s lips curled up into a sad smile. “Nah. I’ll just have to forget all this ever happened,” he shared. 

“Really? You can do that?”

“Yup. Done it a few times. I’ll only remember this happened after my timeline catches up with itself,” he explained. 

“Oh,” she replied, inelegantly. Squirming a bit in her seat, she broached, “Soooo… I guess you heard some of that then? In the hallway?” Biting her lip, she watched the Doctor as he turned his gaze back to his older self. 

Silence reigned, creating an uncomfortable wall between them. Blimey. Why did she have to say anything? 

“I’m guess I’m not that surprised,” the Doctor’s voice intoned, unexpectedly cutting the tension. “I mean… I guess I could see myself maybe someday…” he trailed off. “I just can’t imagine ever letting myself feel anything but guilt,” he shared candidly.

Rose stared up at his profile in amazement as he continued watching his older self. He’d never shared anything this personal before in such an honest way. Oh, he’d let out hints about his feelings from time to time, but this… she honestly hadn’t known he was even capable of being this open with anyone when he was in his right mind. 

Slightly fearful of shutting him down, she hazarded, “If I’m honest, I didn’t know how you really felt until today. And… I don’t know. Maybe you _don’t_ really feel that way. Maybe it was all the illness talking. But I’ll tell you this,” she said, sliding off the stool to stand in front of him, “You _wil_ l feel more than guilt in your future. I know that because I’ve seen it. You’ll get to feel empathy and amazement and friendship. And…” she paused, taking his hands in hers as she gathered her courage, “if you meant anything your other self said today, I think you may well feel love in the future as well. And if that’s true… if you really love me... then I’m going to make sure you feel it everyday for as long as I can.”

Wonder crossed the Doctor’s features as he studied her for a moment. He seemed to be searching her eyes for the truth of her words. Feeling like she needed to do more than merely offer him visual confirmation, she let go of one hand and reached up to cup his cheek. Leaning forward, she stood up on her toes, making her intention clear. The Doctor hesitated for a moment, making a bolt of embarrassment fly through her. Fuck. Just as she was about to back away, though, he leaned down and pressed a soft, tentative kiss on her lips. 

It lasted only for a few moments before they pulled apart, but it was still perfect. It was chaste and honest and everything she’d hoped it would be. A promise. 

Staring down at her, a soft smile found his lips. “Hello.”

“Hello,” she grinned widely in response. 

“Oi!” a tenor voice piped up from across the room, making them both jump. “What’s in Orion’s name are you doing here?”


	16. Reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all who’ve been reading and commenting - I SO love you all. Only one more chapter left after this one, friends!

### 

Torn between wanting to run to the man on the infirmary bed, and wanting to run _from_ him, Rose stood frozen for a moment, regarding her current Doctor from where she stood. He looked normal, but then, he basically looked normal before now as well. 

Walking over to his older self, Rose’s younger Doctor studied the readings on the screen above the bed while her newest Doctor looked on in concern. “Temporal platelets are a bit high, but are decreasing. Good orange blood cell count…” he trailed off, reading the scrolling text above the bed. “All around - looks like we’re on the mend,” he confirmed, looking at his older self.

“Are we?” his patient asked, looking around his younger self to catch Rose’s eye. “What’s happened? What’s _he_ doing here?”

“You… you don’t remember?” Rose asked, taking a step closer.

The Doctor’s expression clouded. “I remember… we were in the Moxu system. The TARDIS was pulled from the vortex…” he trailed off.

Rose blinked. He really didn’t remember. But that meant… that meant the entire ordeal wouldn’t have to change anything between them! They could move ahead just like nothing had happened. 

“Rose - what happened?” he asked again, clearly concerned. “It had to be something big. I don’t normally go about crossing my own timeline otherwise,” he observed.

“Gods. Am I always this perceptive?” her younger Doctor asked with clear disdain.

“Rose?” her newest Doctor repeated, ignoring his younger self’s snarky remark.

Crossing the distance between them, Rose moved to stand beside his younger self at his bedside. The worry on his face made her insides melt. It was really him. Her Doctor. Taking his hand, she revelled in the feel of his now cooler skin against hers. “Yeah. It was big,” Rose agreed. “I’ll tell you all about it, but let’s get you completely better first, yeah?” she suggested.

“Really, Rose… it’s important I know what’s going on,” he advised, looking from her to his younger self. “Well?”

“This isn’t the time,” Rose insisted. “We need to wait until you’re feeling a bit better,” she insisted, not acknowledging the fact she’d rather tell him her version in private. 

“He’s plenty well enough already to know what he’s done,” her leather clad Doctor said with authority. “He’s only blocked it out because he subconsciously doesn’t want to face it. But I think he needs to know. He’s got a lot of apologizing to do,” he added, looking pointedly at his older self.

“What?!” the Doctor replied, alarmed. “What did I do?!” he barked, sitting up and looking between them both, his eyes wide and brows furrowed in concern.

Rose’s heart nearly leapt into her throat. “No - I think we should just take a deep breath here,” Rose cautioned, gripping her younger Doctor’s arm to encourage him to leave it alone. 

“No, Rose. He bloody hurt you and he needs to know it,” he replied, shaking free. “Shall I help you find those memories?” he more than suggested to his older self. 

Looking at Rose, her recently ill Doctor studied her for only a moment before nodding. Lying back down on the bed, he closed his eyes as his younger incarnation moved to place his fingers on his temples. 

Fear darted through her as she realized what he was doing. Grabbing at his hands before they reached the older man’s temples, she pleaded, “No - Doctor, you don’t need to know all this right now. What difference will it make? I forgive you. That’s all you need to know, yeah? Please don’t do this. You don’t have to make yourself feel any worse about things.”

Sighing, her younger Doctor stopped and turned to her. “Rose, I know you don’t really understand this, but I deserve every single bit of guilt I carry. Every incarnation of me does. He is no exception. That’s not why this has to happen, though.”

“No! Doctor - stop this,” Rose nearly cried as he turned back toward his older self. For a moment he hesitated. Was he reconsidering? “I’m begging you, Doctor. Please,” she implored him, desperate to get through to him as he stood, his hands hovering over his other body’s temples. “I promise… you don’t deserve this. Please,” she begged. 

The look of indecision on his face shifted then before her eyes and a sad smile took its place. “You’re right, Rose. I don’t.” With that, he closed his eyes and placed his fingers to her Doctor’s temples. 

Helplessly, Rose looked on as her two Doctors shared minds; one cruelly and needlessly unlocking the other’s deeds so he could relive them. On the bed, the Doctor’s brows furrowed and pain dug into his handsome features as he let out a piteous moan. “Stop - please, Doctor,” she begged again, afraid to pull on his arm in case she somehow harmed him by dislodging the connection. “You’ve paid for your sins, yeah? You don’t have to keep suffering,” she insisted, watching as a tear trickled down his older self’s cheek. “Please!” she pleaded.

And then it was over. Her younger Doctor slid his hands away from his older self’s temples and backed away, looking stonily down at his next incarnation. On the bed, the Doctor lay still, his eyes still closed but tears continuing to steal their way down his face. 

“Why did you have to do that?!” Rose barked, spinning angrily to face his younger self. “You haven’t fixed anything, you know. In fact, all you’ve done is make everything worse! You know how I know that? Because you don’t become a better person by wallowing in self hatred and guilt!” she exclaimed. “You became a better person when you allowed yourself to feel valued. It took years to help you realize you were worth something. That you weren’t doing anyone any good moping about and being angry all the time,” she said, poking him in the chest with a critical finger.

Grabbing her offending hand, the Doctor stopped her. “I had to do it, Rose,” he stated. “If I don’t know what I’ve done, how will I ever fix it? There are things I can’t fix. I can never bring my people back. They’re gone forever. But I can fix this. I can fix _us_ ,” he said, his eyes boring into her own. “I may be a guilty, daft old man, but even I can see that for some ungodly reason I’m allowed to move on with my life and that it’s probably because of you. I won’t lie; part of me wanted to deny myself that. I was tempted to let him forget everything that’s happened here so he never has to confront his feelings - so I continue to bear my penance,” he admitted. “But another part… the part of me that heard what he said earlier… that part of me thinks maybe there’s a chance things might get better. But they won’t if all this never happened for him,” he explained. 

Looking up at him, Rose searched his face. He didn’t understand. How could he. He didn’t know how tenuous their relationship was before this all happened. He didn’t know how hard she’d been working to avoid the Doctor knowing how very much she cared about him so he wouldn’t scamper. He had no idea if anything the Doctor had said in his illness was even true. And if it wasn’t, this was the end. He’d drag her back to earth and never look back.

A low moan issued from the bed, prompting Rose to break away from her younger Doctor to tend to the version of him that was hurting now more than he ever needed to.

“Rooooose,” he moaned as he curled into a ball on the bed. “Rose…”

“I’m here,” she assured him, wrapping herself around him as best she could without climbing onto the bed with him. 

“Rose, I… I…” he stammered.

“Shhhhh,” she soothed, hugging him tighter. “It’s okay.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he whimpered.

“I know. I know, Doctor,” she assured him. “It’s over now. It wasn’t your fault.”

“But I… I…” he trailed off into full on sobbing.

“Shhhh,” she hushed again, planting a soft kiss on his forehead as she smoothed back his hair. “Shhhh.”

Behind her, she heard the Doctor’s booted footsteps retreat from the room.

OoOoOoOoOoO

It’d been a full 24 hours since the Doctor had woken in the infirmary and she’d helped him move, zombie-like, to a replica of his latest bedroom. Luckily, his thoughtful ship had been kind enough to furnish both of them with a version of both their rooms, so Rose had spent some of those hours catching up on very needed sleep and on basic self care. The rest of the time had been spent pacing her room and worrying. She hadn’t said much to his younger self since he’d left them in the infirmary. What could she say? He’d felt justified and had every right to have done what he’d done. It was his own life, after all. Still, he had no idea the impact his decision would have on her or their relationship. Or maybe he did, given the fact he’d pretty much avoided her since he’d done it. 

It was some time in relative mid-afternoon that she decided to venture out to the console room. Who knew how much longer she and her current Doctor would be here. Whatever happened next, there was no point avoiding his more cantankerous version. After all - even if he did make himself forget all this happened, she wanted to leave him with good feelings of her, at least. The last thing she wanted was for him drop them off with a bad taste in his mouth and then subconsciously avoid coming back for her.

Not surprisingly, she found her tall, leather clad Doctor tucked up under the console, fiddling with some connection or other. For a moment, she simply stood and watched him as she had so often before. It was a remarkably comforting seeing his large, booted feet poking out from under the console and hearing what she assumed were Gallifreyan curse words issuing from him as sparks lit the space around him. “I know you hate this!” he said after letting another colourful word fly. “And yes - it _is_ necessary,” he added.

A particularly loud spark practically illuminated the entire room then, making the Doctor shout as he yanked himself out from under the console, sucking his fingers. “Damn it!” 

“Doctor?” she said tentatively, not wishing to become the next subject of his ire. She’d forgotten how cranky he could get with his ship. 

“Blimey! Did you see that, Rose?” he said, trying to shake off the pain in his hand. “She tried to kill me!” 

Unable to keep a smile from her lips, she walked forward to meet him. “I doubt that. More like she was trying to tell you to back off,” she corrected him, reaching for his hand. 

Unsure if he should give it, he held it back with a look of suspicion. “Really?” she said, punctuating the word with her mother’s signature ‘don’t be a big baby’ look. Reluctantly he conceded and placed his hand in hers to let her look at his injury. 

“Mmm. Nothing your sonic can’t fix,” she advised him. 

His eyebrows shot up with the comment, punctuated with a small smile. “I should call you ‘Nurse Rose’, then, shall I?”

Rose smiled. “Nah. One medical professional on board is probably enough,” she said, putting her hand out. “Sonic, please.”

A bit reluctantly, the Doctor took his sonic out from his pocket and placed it in her hand. Holding it up, she played with the settings, as the Doctor looked on, obviously trying to see the numbers she was choosing. “You might wanna double check the setting on that,” he warned, now looking a trifle concerned. 

Giving him a withering look, she set it to the pattern of correct swirls, as he’d taught her, and took his hand in hers again. Turning it so his offended digits were facing upward, she aimed the sonic, and, with the Doctor’s eyes squeezed tightly shut, she activated it. In moments, she was done.

Opening his eyes once the buzz of the sonic ceased, he examined his hand. “Blimey. I must be pretty taken with you if I trust you with my sonic,” he said, clearly impressed. 

Rose blushed with the comment and the Doctor must’ve suddenly realized he’d said his thought out loud, because he quickly looked away and cleared his throat. “Yeah, well. Thanks,” he added hastily.

“No problem,” she affirmed, handing his sonic back to him. 

“I, uh, I’ve set a course for Yoon,” he shared. “Should be there in a few minutes.”

“Right. Yeah, thanks,” she answered. 

Nodding, he looked at a loss for a moment before he added, “I’ll, uh… I’ll help you get him set up in his TARDIS, if you like,” he offered. 

“Yeah. I might need some help,” she admitted. She had no idea what shape her Doctor was in at the moment. He might well be still comatose and unable to move himself out of bed for all she knew. 

“I shouldn’t think that’ll be necessary,” a voice replied from behind her. Whirling around, she found her Doctor, fully dressed in his brown pinstripes and converse standing by the hallway entrance. 

“Doctor… are… what’re you doing up?” she settled on, not sure exactly what to say.

“Weeeellll, I figured I couldn’t very well let you carry me back to the TARDIS, could I? Be a bit embarrassing, that,” he added, stuffing his hands deeply into his pockets. 

“Oh. Yeah, right,” Rose agreed. 

Silence filled the room for a few moments before Rose’s younger Doctor piped up, “I should, uh... probably head to the infirmary. Need to make sure you didn’t mess up and give me deep tissue damage,” he explained lamely, holding his hand to his chest. Ducking behind his younger self, he left the room, leaving Rose and her other Doctor alone.

“I was really subtle back then,” the Doctor observed after another few moments of silence. 

“Yeah,” she agreed, looking anxiously at her feet.

“Look, Rose…” he started.

“No, Doctor. You don’t have to say it,” she told him. “I know you’re sorry. I already forgive you.”

The Doctor shook his head in denial. “Of course I have to say it,” he disagreed. “And I’ll say it until I can’t anymore,” he added, moving to stand directly in front of her. “I’m sorry, Rose. I’m… there are few things I’ve ever felt worse about. What I did…”

“What you did is done,” she said plainly, avoiding eye contact. “And it wasn’t even you. Not really. All I want to do is move on, yeah? Pretend none of it ever happened.”

“We can’t do that Rose,” he disagreed, his voice flat. 

Gathering her courage, Rose looked up into his eyes. They were so sad. “Of course we can. That stuff that happened - you weren’t well. It wasn’t you. I know that. I don’t want this to change anything between us. Let’s just pretend we never met Parm and his family and just… pick up where we left off,” she insisted.

Sighing heavily, the Doctor walked over to the jump seat and patted the spot beside him. “Come here,” he suggested, amending quickly, “...if you want.”

This was it. He was going to tell her how sorry he was for everything but that he wasn’t going to be able to do it. He wasn’t going to be able to travel with her knowing the pain he’d caused her. She could already practically hear him saying it. Resigned, she walked over and sat down beside him. 

Looking down at his hands, he shifted uncomfortably before restating, “Rose… we can’t just pick up where we left off.”

Tears sprang to her eyes but she did her best to push them back, biting her lip to distract herself. If she was going to be tossed off the ship, she was going to go with some dignity. Reaching over, he took her hands in his, making her squeeze her eyes shut to fortify herself. She was not going to cry. 

“When he helped me remember what I’d done to you when I was sick… I knew what I had to do. I hurt you in a way that is unforgivable in my culture. If we were on Gallifrey I’d be imprisoned for at least two regenerations for what I did. But that’s not even the point. You had every right to leave me die. To let the mutated virus do it’s business. And I would’ve died. I know that. There was no way I would’ve been able to regenerate with that virus ravaging my brain cells the way it was. You could’ve left me to die and I would’ve deserved it.”

Rose was about to interject when he put a soft finger to her lips. “Don’t say it, Rose. I know I deserved it. I also know that because you’re… well, you’re amazing, aren’t you? I know because you’re you, you would’ve never let that happen. I also know that despite the fact I should be severely physically or at least telepathically punished you’d never agree to that either. So at the very, very least, I know I have to offer you this,” he said as the ship shuddered slightly, having reached its destination. “Rose… do you want to go home?”

With that, Rose’s carefully shielded tears broke their flimsy barriers and began falling. This was it. He was ready for her to go. “No,” she answered softly, shaking her head as tears fell. Looking directly in his eyes, she said it again with more emphasis. “No. I don’t want to go,” she said surely. “If you want me to go, I will though,” she reluctantly conceded. “I know you blame yourself for what happened and if you don’t think you can stand to look at me after this, well… I guess I have to respect that. But you need to know this; if you drop me off on earth now, you’re doing it because you’re being selfish,” she stated, squaring her chin. “You were sick. You _never_ would’ve hurt me if you hadn’t been. I know that in my heart and I’ve already forgiven you. I don’t want to go,” she stated thickly. “If you take me back, you’ll be punishing me as much as yourself.”

For a moment the Doctor studied her, as if trying to dissect what she’d just said. Then, without words, he pulled her head tenderly into his shoulder and wrapped his arms around her. 

Slightly surprised by the gesture, Rose nevertheless accepted it and even revelled in it; the feel of the slightly rough fabric of his jacket under her cheek, the unique scent of him filling her nose, the pressure of his arms encircling her… deep inside her she tried to catalogue it all in case… in case… 

“I don’t want you to go,” his slightly breathy voice said, breaking through her sadness. “Gods help me… I really don’t,” he reaffirmed, hugging her a bit more tightly. “Rassilon knows, I don’t deserve you, but I also can’t imagine going on without you.”

For a moment she stilled. Had she heard right? 

“Stay with me. Please, Rose. Don’t leave me,” he said, his voice tight with emotion; sounding fully contrite and even guilty. 

Without her permission, tears began more flowing freely then. All the fear and worry… all the desperate hope… all of it came pouring from her suddenly punctuated by wet, piercing sobs as she gripped the front of his jacket. A hand smoothed her hair and soothing ‘shhh’s and ‘it’s okay’s were whispered as she wept. 

Finally, after she’d pretty much cried herself out, she pulled back from the Doctor’s now soaked jacket to find him holding up a tissue. Taking it, she blew her nose and shuddered in a few calming breaths as he gently tucked her hair behind her ear. 

“I take it that means you’ll stay with me, then?” he broached. 

A large guffah exploded from her then. “Shut up,” she laughed, hitting him on the chest where she’d left a damp spot. “Of course I will, you plum!”

“Oi! Is that any way to treat the man who loves you?” he threw in.

Her laughter died instantly in favour of her choking on her own saliva. Coughing emphatically, the Doctor jumped into action, actively patting her on the back. 

Finally, the fit having passed, Rose looked at him with watery eyes. “You… you said you love me.”

“Did I?” he said, looking up thoughtfully. “Yes, I guess I did,” he affirmed, lowering his eyes to meet hers. “Is that okay?”

Rose felt her jaw drop slightly. “So all that stuff you said when you were sick… the stuff about how you felt about me… was that all true?” she pressed.

Purposefully looking into her eyes, he answered carefully, “Everything I admitted about how I knew early on that I wanted you… everything I said about how I’d been such a coward and how I’d tried to push you away so I could deny what you meant to me... when I said I want there to be more between us; it was all true,” he admitted. 

“Oh, my god,” Rose breathed, unable to really take it all in. 

“You’re everything to me, Rose,” he continued. “I don’t deserve you, I know that. But if you’ll allow me, I’d like to try make it up to you. I’d like to try to make up for every hurt I ever caused you. If you let me, I’ll show you what you mean to me for every remaining day of your life.”

Tears once again sprang to her eyes. “I’d like that,” she admitted with a wide smile. 

“Me too,” he grinned back.

“Doctor?” 

“Yes, Rose?”

By way of an answer, she leaned in at a slight angle and pressed her lips to his. Blessedly, he didn’t seem at all surprised by this, and he quickly wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer and more passionately to him. 

A heady exhilaration lit her from the inside out. Not only was he not kicking her off the TARDIS - he actually wanted this. He wanted more. Wrapping her fingers in his hair, she pressed against him almost desperately, needing the contact. This was happening. It was real. 

As if in confirmation, his arms tightened around her and his tongue slid along the seam of her lips.

“Oi!” a startled male voice barked from across the room. 

Jumping out of the kiss, but not out of each other’s arms, Rose and the Doctor turned to find a rather flustered younger Doctor averting his eyes. “I’d tell you to get a room, but this isn’t your TARDIS,” he pointed out. 

“Yeah, sorry about that,” Rose’s current Doctor said, not sounding sorry at all. Taking her hand, he pulled her to stand. “Should we go, Dame Rose? I think we’ve outstayed our welcome. I was a bit of a prude back then,” he advised.

“Blimey,” her younger Doctor said, rolling his eyes.

On their way toward the doors, Rose let go of the Doctor’s hand to stop in front of his younger incarnation. Impulsively, she hugged him tightly. “Good-bye, Doctor,” she said. Pulling back, she looked up at him meaningfully. “See you soon, yeah?”

“Mmm,” he nodded. “Yeah, I imagine you will.”

“Don’t forget to erase all this,” her spikey haired Doctor warned his younger self as he took Rose’s hand again. 

“Of course I will,” he admonished. “I’m not bloody daft.”

They’d just started walking down toward the doors when her current Doctor paused. “Give me just a tic,” he said, letting go of her hand to dart back up the ramp. Stopping in front of his younger self, Rose watched as her latest Doctor leaned in to whisper something in his junior’s ear.

As much as she wished she could hear what he was saying, she did her best to push her curiosity back. it was clearly none of her business. Besides, it was rude to try listen in when someone was talking to themselves. 

In moments her lanky Doctor joined her on the ramp and they were headed back toward the doors. “Everything okay?” she asked.

“Oh, yes!” he beamed, pointedly taking her hand in his. “At least… everything _here_ is brilliant. We really should hurry, though. We have to get to Jack. Quick.”


	17. Toward Him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright friends. We made it. The last chapter! Thanks for all your support, comments and kudos. FYI: This chapter is DCAWAD-NSFW (DEFINITELY, COMPLETELY AND WITHOUT A DOUBT not suitable for work)!

### 

The sensation of a warm pressure against her back pulled Rose from the depths of sleep. Shifting a bit to reposition herself away from the intrusion, she found that instead of being allowed to fall back into unconsciousness, she was being roused in a much more insistent way, with a slightly cool hand gently caressing her hip. 

Images of last night floated before her with the stirring touch. The Doctor’s hands finally caressing her. His mouth confidently claiming hers. His body over hers, finally, finally joining with her own. 

It’d been a bit awkward at first, as one might expect. Having been ‘friends’ for so long and finally crossing that invisible, but practically tangible boundary between them had been a bit odd for them both, she thought. But passion had quickly made short work of their tentativeness and the result had been everything she’d hoped it would have been. Impassioned and full of unbridled desire. And now here they were. The next morning. 

Last night part of her had wondered fleetingly if he’d even be here when she woke. But here he was… his glorious fingers now rousing her from sleep, making her squirm a bit as they trailed up her side to slip across her front and tenderly cup her breast. Behind her, his firm, slightly cooler body slid into place to press against the length of her back as soft lips pressed against her shoulder.

Now fully and pleasantly awake, Rose wiggled back against the gloriously naked man behind her, until his firm length pressed against her bottom. A soft hiss escaped him, distracting him from his ministrations and putting a pleased smile on Rose’s lips.

Reaching behind her, she gripped his cock and gave it a few awkward strokes until she felt him become slightly wet. _’A sign of rising arousal in a Time Lord_ ,’ he’d told her last night. A deep moan issued from the man behind her. “Mornin’,” she murmured, the smile in her voice evident.

“Mmmm,” the Doctor’s tenor voice hummed as she released him to reach down to cup his balls. A gentle squeeze was followed by an actual growl. Then, suddenly, without warning, the sheets were being thrown aside and she was being pulled onto him with his body solidly beneath hers and her own lying atop of his facing the ceiling. 

Releasing a gasp of surprise, a thrill of arousal darted through her as her head fell back into the space between his shoulder and the pillow. She’d never been in this particular position with anyone before, and she had to admit that she felt a bit embarrassed about being so extremely exposed. When his teeth found the lobe of her ear, though, she quickly forgot her reticence. Nipping lightly, he pulled another pillow more firmly behind her head so it wasn’t at an angle and whispered, “Look.”

Suddenly, above them, the ceiling shimmered to form a reflective sort of pool. In it, her entire nude body was displayed with his taller form only partly showing. It was a startling sight. If she’d felt exposed before now, this was another level. Reflexively she brought her hands up to cover herself. 

“Uh, uh,” the Doctor tutted, gently taking her arms and pulling them down to rest on either side of him. Staring up at their reflection, Rose felt her cheeks pinken. “Gods, you’re beautiful,” the Doctor’s said lowly as he unabashedly drank in her reflected form. 

With that, his hands began trailing up and down her body, pausing only to knead a breast or squeeze a hip. A familiar ache began to pool low in her belly as she watched, mesmerized, while he explored her with his hands. Her breathing all but stopped, though, when his fingers lightly grazed over the trimmed curls of her sex. 

It seemed her response was all the permission he needed. Trailing a finger further toward her centre, he whispered, “Open your legs.”

Swallowing, she did as she was bid and spread herself so one foot was planted on either side of his legs. Before she even had a chance to feel self conscious about this new position, the Doctor inhaled deeply, uttering a nearly strangled “Fuck,” before biting down with some urgency on her shoulder. Hissing a breath in, Rose’s hips bucked slightly in response and she felt desire pool further in her centre. 

Planting kisses where he’d just marked her, he dipped his hand down further and trailed a finger along the seam of her sex. “Your pheromones, Rose… you smell so good,” he intoned as his fingers gently separated her folds. A hiss escaped her, apparently encouraging him to dip two of his digits deeply inside her. 

A satisfied groan rumbled through his chest as he entered her. “Gods, Rose…” he trailed off, beginning to pump his fingers in and out of her, “you’re so gorgeous like this,” he said, watching her reflection above them. “Look,” he encouraged. Doing as she was told, she directed her gaze upward again. The vision of his hand pumping in and out of her; his eyes never leaving the reflection above them… it was remarkably erotic. Not surprisingly, she felt her arousal begin to spiral upward. 

Just then he pulled his fingers from her making her moan with the loss of him. Her disappointment was stopped short, though, as she watched him dip his fingers in his mouth to suck on them. A strangled moan escaped him making her release a similar sound in response. “Love how you taste,” he announced, before trailing his hand back down to dip his fingers into her again. The intrusion was desperately welcomed, but short lived as he quickly withdrew his fingers to once again sample her taste with a decadent hummed pleasure. A whimper of need escaped her as she looked up at the ceiling to watch him close his eyes and lick his fingers clean. “Please, Doctor,” she heard herself gasp, her gaze never leaving their reflection. A sly smile found his lips as he opened his eyes. “Please…” she entreated again, wiggling wantonly on top of him. 

“Since you asked so nicely,” he replied cheekily. Slipping his hand back down over her breastbone to graze over her stomach and abdomen, his fingers quickly found their mark, sliding over her firm bundle of nerves. Rose’s eyes slammed closed with the sudden brilliant stimulation and another gasp escaped her as he began circling his fingers over her. Breathy moans flew from her and her nails dug into the narrow hips beneath her as the Doctor wrapped one arm around her to brace her atop of him. Fingers pressed and swirled and breath panted in her ear… all of it pushing her closer and closer to the edge. 

“Open your eyes, Rose,” he insisted, not pausing in his movements. “I want you to watch.” Barely able to follow his command, she nevertheless managed to gaze up at their reflection. “That’s it,” he encouraged. 

With that, he picked up the speed and pressure of his attentions, making her climb ever higher. “Oh, gods… look at you,” he marvelled aloud. The frantic movement of his fingers combined with the sight of herself writhing on top of him and the clear arousal in his voice was enough to push her over and in moments her body fully tensed on top of his as every nerve ending sang in exquisite pleasure. 

Playing her fully until she could no longer take the stimulation, the Doctor finally relented and pulled his fingers away, only to trail them back up to his mouth for another lick. Unable to do anything for a few moments but lie limply on top of him, she watched as he once again cleaned his digits with his tongue. “Mmmm,” he hummed, apparently revelling in the taste of her. 

Finding a bit of energy, she wiggled a bit and found his erection still very firm beneath her. A pleased hum vibrated through her before she rolled off of him. “Want you,” she murmured, positioning herself on top of him so she straddled his thighs. What she really wanted was to taste him, though. She hadn’t had the chance yet to pleasure him like that and with all the humming and finger licking, she was eager to have a turn. Reaching out, she took him in hand.

A hissed breath in was her reward. Slowly, she began stroking his hard, wet cock before leaning down to lick the tip of him. His taste exploded in her mouth, prompting her to fully sheath him. A strangled sound escaped the man whose member she was sliding in and out of her mouth. “Rose,” he gasped as she swirled her tongue over and around his hardness and its inexplicably intoxicating fluids. A tingling warmth spread through her as she allowed herself to fully appreciate the taste of him. Before she could further lose herself in the experience, though, she felt the Doctor’s strong hands gently tugging her arm to pull her away. “Rose, no… stop,” he insisted. 

Reluctantly releasing him, she looked up to find him clearly conflicted. 

“I’m sorry… we… I really can’t…” he trailed off, reaching for her. 

Oh god. He didn’t like it. Maybe Time Lords just didn’t do that sort of thing, though she’d never have guessed that given his apparent desire to taste her. 

Reticently, Rose allowed herself to be pulled to him despite feeling decidedly insecure. Capturing her lips with his own, he must’ve sensed her embarrassment, as he then seemed to make it his mission to divest her of the feeling. Flipping them over so he pressed himself on top of her, he gripped her tightly against him and captured her lips with renewed passion. Hands roamed and squeezed and it wasn’t long before her self-consciousness was completely forgotten in favour of renewed arousal. The only feeling she was aware of was the warm tingling sensation of him on her… all around her. It was heady. 

Taking advantage of the position, she wrapped her arms around him to scratch her nails punishingly down his back before gripping his arse. God, it felt brilliant. Having him possess her like this… it made her hungry for him. She needed him. No. CRAVED him. 

_Crave_. It was like the word summoned a veritable flood of the tingly heat she’d been feeling building. She craved him. And not just a bit. She needed him now. Right now. 

Opening her legs for him, she felt his wet length slide against her centre and a groan escaped him. Reaching down between them, she gripped him, making him gasp. “Need you,” she insisted, lining him up at her entrance. 

“Rose, wait,” he said, resisting her attempts to push up against him. 

“Nooooo,” she moaned. The heat inside her was building to an almost uncomfortable level now, prodding her to continue her efforts. 

Pushing himself off of her, he held a gentle hand on her belly to stay her. “Just a tic,” he assured her, reaching over to the night table. 

A tic? She couldn’t wait a whole tic! Leaning over as he pulled open the top drawer, she quickly took him in hand wrapped her lips around him. A startled squeak escaped him, but before he could coax her away, she bobbed up and down on him, sucking him as deeply as she could manage. A garbled sound flew from him as, once again, the exquisite taste of him filled her mouth making her moan around him. 

“Rose… Rose, no,” he intoned, sounding more like he was trying to convince himself more than her. Taking that as tacit agreement, she once again moved her mouth over him. 

“Rose, stop… please,” he insisted now, pushing her off of him. 

Somewhere deep down, she realized she should feel embarrassed. She should feel guilty. He didn’t want it and he’d been quite clear. For some reason though, she couldn’t focus on that. All she could think about was him. Swallowing him. Fucking him. Enveloping him. 

Trying to pry away the strong hand that was keeping her at arm’s length from her goal, she became vaguely aware of the sound of a tearing package. Then, blessedly, the hand holding her back let go and Doctor’s lean body was once again covering hers. A thankful whimper escaped her. For some reason the need to feel him moving inside her was almost agonizing. “Want you,” he heard herself practically beg. 

“I know,” he acknowledged as he positioned himself at her entrance. “I’m going to enter you now. Do you want that?” he said, looking at her seriously. 

He’d used these exact words last night when they’d made love and, while she’d been curious as to why, right now she didn’t give a flying fuck. Nodding emphatically, she gasped a breathy “God, yes!” 

With that, he surged forward to fill her in one firm stroke. A deep moan escaped her with the desperately needed intrusion. Sliding out of her, he brought himself completely home again, making her gasp before he repeated the action. In moments they were moving together; her legs wrapped around his slim hips as he pushed himself home over and over again. 

Feral and impassioned sounds escaped them both as they moved almost fiercely together and, unsurprisingly, she found herself rising again; the familiar tight coil of impending orgasm building in her belly. Above her, the Doctor grunted, releasing a few musical curse words as he pumped in and out of her, chasing his own release. Then, suddenly, without warning, her pleasure became razor sharp and a strangled shout flew from her lips as her body vibrated in bliss.

“Fuck!” she heard the Doctor’s voice cry above her; his body shuddering as his fingers gripped her arms punishingly. His body was taut above hers for a few more seconds before he collapsed over her, breathing heavily into her shoulder. 

Some time later, somewhere in the corner of her bliss addled mind she became aware of the Doctor rolling off of her to flop onto his back on the bed beside her. The slushy sound of the condom they’d used as it hit the garbage can brought her further back to real time.

Flipping over onto her side, she threw a boneless arm across his chest and snuggled into him. Long fingers came up to draw patterns on her skin. “You alright?” he asked, sounding a trifle concerned.

“More than,” she admitted, squeezing him a bit before really considering the question. Yes - she was definitely alright. Now. But blimey… she’d never felt so bloody… what? Horny? Needy? No. Desperate. That was the word. Desperate. She’d never felt so _desperate_ for anything as she had about having him a few moments ago. “Doctor,” she ventured, following her train of thought, “when we… a few minutes ago…” she trailed off, a bit embarrassed to put it into words.

A large sigh escaped him as he rubbed her arm. “It was my pheramones,” he said non-sensically.

“What?”

“The hormones in my secretions. When you… pleasured me… when my pheromones came in direct contact with your own body fluids… you were affected by them,” he explained. 

“Affected?” she echoed, recalling the overwhelming desire she’d experienced not minutes before.

“Mmm,” he hummed in affirmation. “Time Lord pheromones contain an aphrodisiac that compliment the pheromones of his or her partner. In a Time Lord the exposure results in a slight increase in interest to complete the, er… transaction,” he explained. “I’d heard rumours at the academy that humans respond much more strongly, so I’ve kept condoms on hand just in case.”

Rose let that sink in before lifting her head to look at him. “Wait… are you saying you thought that sometime we might…”

“Weeeellll… I never _assumed_ , of course, but a bloke can dream,” he defended. 

Rose smiled a bit with the thought, feeling a bit chuffed. He’d actually, really thought about this before, then. Even planned for it.

“Anyway,” he continued, “I, er… I hadn’t thought you’d… I mean, I didn’t think you might want to, you know… _do that_ , you know - with your mouth… or I’d have warned you. I’m sorry,” he said, guilt clear in his voice. 

“Oi,” she said, pulling her head up again to look at him. “‘S alright. I’m okay. It just surprised me, is all,” she assured him. “I thought you were tryin’ to stop me because you didn’t like it,” she added, now feeling a bit less insecure about the whole thing.

“What? Gods, no. I mean… yes - I did like it. A lot. Too much, clearly. I should’ve stopped you the instant you, er… started, but, well…” he added. 

Rose smiled, dropping her head back down to rest on his chest. “‘S not dangerous, though, is it? Your hormones? I won’t develop some weird sex craving that never goes away or something,” she asked, smiling. 

A sniffed laugh escaped the man beneath her. “I shouldn’t think so. Though, would that be so bad?” he asked lightly. 

It was Rose’s turn to laugh then. “You’re insatiable, you are,” she accused, grinning. 

“Maybe.”

“Mmm,” Rose hummed contentedly. 

“Speaking on insatiable… I can’t believe you talked me into taking Jack to Ulab,” he moaned. 

Smiling again, Rose patted his chest. “You’re the one who suggested it,” she pointed out.

“Oi - I told him I’d take him wherever he wanted, but I was thinking of, like, Throllock, or somewhere; not Ulab. It’s basically just a planet-wide orgy from dusk til dawn. I wanted to make it up to him, but I hadn’t thought that’d involve him getting seventeen different venereal diseases,” he grumped.

“Oi… listen. After what happened to him, I think he can ask to go anywhere he wants,” she reminded him. 

“Yeah, I suppose,” he conceded. 

Her younger Doctor had aimed to return them back to Yoon only minutes after they’d left it, and thankfully his driving resulted in a landing that hit its mark for a change. Unfortunately, though, by the time they found Jack where the Doctor had left him on the street earlier, it had been too late. He’d been thoroughly successful in following the Doctor’s insane command, and was lying naked from the waist down in a pool of his own blood. A crowd had formed around him and people were frantically trying to contact the planet’s equivalent of emergency services. The Doctor, of course, had instantly taken command of the situation; lifting the unconscious man in his arms to cart him back down the street toward his TARDIS. 

Rushing him to the infirmary, the Doctor had deposited Jack on the bed and turned him on his side. After gloving up, he’d removed a solid chunk of jagged rock from his unconscious friend’s rectum as tears slipped down Rose’s cheeks. Thoroughly beside herself, she held Jack’s hand, terrified he wasn’t going make it. 

He had, of course, made it. But not before he didn’t. That’s to say… that’s when she learned some rather startling information about Jack that the Doctor hadn’t bothered to share with her before that moment. 

Still gripping his hand, Rose had suddenly become aware Jack was no longer breathing. Desperate to revive him, she’d immediately pressed her hands over his heart and began manually pumping it. That was when the Doctor insistently yanked her away from Jack, pulling her backward by the arms to interrupt her task. Rose had yelled at him to let her go when, to her complete amazement, a gulping, desperate breath had brought Jack back to life before her startled eyes. Needless to say, the Doctor had some significant explaining to do after that. 

“Alright. Ulab,” the Doctor conceded, bringing her back from her memories of yesterday. “But I’m only going under protest. Blimey - the things I do for you,” he groused.

“Are you sorry now that you ever came back for me?” she asked with a smile.

“Nah. I had to, didn’t I?”

“Why’s that then?” she asked, grinning as she slid her leg over his.

“Felt a bit compelled,” he admitted.

Lifting her head, she studied his face. “What do you mean?” she asked, unable to ignore the niggle of suspicion forming.

“Weeeelllll… I just had this unexplained feeling that I needed to come back for you. It weird,” he said, leaving the comment hanging.

Rose’s eyes widened. “Doctor… did you…?”

Darting his eyes down to meet hers, the Doctor smiled. “What? I only made a suggestion,” he defended. “It’s not like I could actually _command_ him; the power was all but gone by that point. Still - I might’ve impressed on him that he should go back and ask you to come with him again. I was a bit self-loathing back then. Might not have felt I deserved to spend time with a positive, energetic young human like yourself otherwise,” he admitted, hugging her close. 

A bloom of appreciation filled her with the comment. He knew what he’d been like back then and had suspected he might not give himself a chance to be happy again if he didn’t intervene. “I love you,” she sighed happily, tipping up to kiss his cheek. 

“And I’m a better man for it,” he said seriously. Leaning in, he captured her lips with his. Ulab would have to wait just a bit longer. 

OoOoOoOoOoO

 

The TARDIS thumped down and the Doctor moved to the bottom of the ramp to stand in front of the closed doors. Gripping the bottom hem of his leather jacket, he tugged it down and took a deep breath. Right. He could do this. So she’d turned him down last time. So what? Besides - he hadn’t shared the most important bit about traveling with him. Surely she wouldn’t be able to resist coming once he told her. 

It’d been a couple of days since he’d left Rose and her pet Ricky, or whatever his name was, and had taken off to find a bit of solace on Yoon. Maybe it’d been the harmilliam in the air or the fact that he was so bloody lonely, but for some reason, he couldn’t take his mind off of the young blonde human. She’d been so… vital. Alive. Positive. Everything he wasn’t. He didn’t deserve her company. He knew that. Maybe that’s why it stung so much when she’d rejected his offer the first time. For some reason, though… here he was. About to put his pride on the line again. Gods. What was he thinking. 

_Go back for Rose. You need her._

Sighing, he shook his head. There it was. That thought again. It was probably true. That didn’t mean she’d agree to come this time, though, did it? For all he knew, she’d roll her eyes and tell him to get lost. 

_You need her._

Yes, he probably did. So there was no point in putting this off. Squaring his shoulders, he threw open the door. 

Facing him from only a few metres away, Rose stood looking at him with interest as Ricky cowered behind her. “By the way, did I mention?” he broached bravely. “It also travels in time.”

Studying him, she seemed to consider his comment as his hearts slammed against his ribs. Then, to his immense relief, a small smile graced her lips. 

In an effort to convince her that he’d known all along that she could never really pass up an opportunity to come with him, he stood aside to make room for her to enter. 

From outside the doors, he heard her say, “Thanks.”

“Thanks for what?” Ricky asked dumbly.

“Exactly.” 

And with that, Rose treated him to the most beautiful sight he’d seen in many many years; her young, fantastic self, running toward the TARDIS. Running toward him.


End file.
